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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that some smokers are selfish f****?

380 replies

glitzalicious · 03/01/2011 21:23

so DH and I took my mum (who we rarely see for geographical reasons) and 9-month-old DS for lunch at a pricey restaurant in London today. It was freezing but there were no seats available inside, so at the suggestion of the waitress we sat at a table outside, near a patio heater, and ordered what looked set to be a very nice lunch.
A few minutes after we sat down, a woman in her 50s and her younger male companion came and sat on the table next to us, and both proceeded to light up cigarettes, inches from DS's face (the tables were extremely close together, and he was sitting on my mum's lap, happily eating his lunch). DH very politely asked the man if they would mind not smoking so close to the baby, to which he replied: "It's a free country". His leather-faced companion then gestured to a table at the other end of the al fresco area, with no heater anywhere near, and said: "Nobody's stopping you from moving". DH was quite stunned, and said: 'I think that's quite inconsiderate; it's really bad for the baby", and the bloke said: "I know", before shrugging his shoulders and turning back to his haggard old witch of a friend. I couldn't believe that people could be so selfish; to expect my DS (who had been sitting there before them) to either inhale all of their carcinogens (the fact the guy acknowledged that his habit was harmful to DC was quite shocking) or freeze, just so they could get their nicotine fix. Why the f* did they not move? We did get up and try to cancel our order; it was too late so we had to sit, completely freezing, in the heater-free zone. I have no axe to grind with smokers; if someone chooses to poison their own body it's no one's business but their own. But I would never think that others should suffer just so I could indulge a habit, and if someone were to ask me to stop doing something (talking too loudly in a restaurant etc) I would be so mortified at the prospect of impacting someone's enjoyment of their meal I would stop immediately, as they have just as much right to a nice lunch/dinner out as I do.
People always go on about a 'right to smoke': AIBU to think that right extends only to a smoker's home, or a child-free area? My blood is still boiling over those bastards!

OP posts:
altinkum · 04/01/2011 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 04/01/2011 13:06

As the worst kind of ex-smoker (as in 'i hate smoking, why did I ever start, dirty, disgusting habit, never going back etc etc'), I relunctantly have to say that yes, YABU.

As opposed to smoking as I am, I also think that smokers should be allowed to smoke outside. As other posters have said, you chose to sit outside. Did you not realise that smokers sit outside and smoke?
I would have gone to another restaurant or booked a table in advance if it was a place I really wanted to go to. Even with patio heaters, it can't have been very pleasant sitting in the freezing cold with pedestrians and traffic (I assume) going by.

Sorry but if that restaurant meant so much, get organised and book a table inside in advance!

Goldenbear · 04/01/2011 13:06

lecce, that's exactly the point the smoking couple thought the world did revolve around them and had no regard for the people around them who were exercising their right to live smoke free. Except their decision has no impact on the smokers' health!

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 13:07

Faye I think most of the smileys are reasonable for this debate...but if they had a little dramallama well that'd be just perfect!! Grin

ccpccp · 04/01/2011 13:10

Wow - look at all the non-smoker defence of smoking rights!

My bad I guess.

Well can I assume you have seen a fag packet before mutznutz?

They dont print that stuff on there for fun.

"actually its not MY opinions, and where are these studies that one cigarette of passive smoking is going to "damage" a little lung?"

People dont need a study to tell them that sitting in cigarette smoke is a bad idea. And lets be honest, any study that says otherwise is going to be some pro-smoke inspired self interest piece funded by the tobacco companies.

FayeFife · 04/01/2011 13:11

Hehehe Wink

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 13:14

I'd love you to back up what you're saying with some sort of evidence that sitting briefly downwind of a cigarette in the open air would damage a child...without dismissing evidence to the contrary as funded by tobacco companies.

I could say 'eating apples makes children grow an extra nose' but it wouldn't make it so would it? Grin

FayeFife · 04/01/2011 13:15

CC - bollocks I'm afraid. If that were true - that sitting down wind of a single ciggy could irreparably damage a bay's lung, then we would not be permitted to smoke at all. Inside or out.

Loving your gravity though - keep it coming!

PheasantPlucker · 04/01/2011 13:16

Can I declare here and now just how much I heart Animula.
Thank you

KERALA1 · 04/01/2011 13:19

Re Mayorquimbys cut and pasting I dont think thats funny at all. Cant wait until Charlie Brooker or whatever his name is has children. He sounds a right misogynistic git. Hate those arent I funny and cynical about everything men.

altinkum · 04/01/2011 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

altinkum · 04/01/2011 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ImpeccableMe · 04/01/2011 13:20

Yep, the Op is being unreasonable. The male smoker sounded foul tbh, I am not doubting his bad manners, but most people get that smokers sit outside because they are banned from being smoking inside.

I would have gone elsewhere. I would also wonder if this is the OPs first baby? Remember those people with "first baby syndrome" who thought the world should stop for their offspring? Wink

ImpeccableMe · 04/01/2011 13:22

"being smoking"??? Grin.

Just the places I go! Wink

lecce · 04/01/2011 13:24

Goldenbear - it didn't impact on anyone's health but it could have impacted on the smokers' enjoyment of a cigarette and coffee. They are described in a way that makes them sound quite rude but without having been there we can't know how rude they really were, whether the OP's dh was also rude etc.

In this situation there was no way for everyone to get what they wanted but the smokers had no choice but to sit outside if they wanted to smoke while the OP could have gone to any number of cafes and enjoyed a smoke-free meal.

No-one's health was at risk (apart from the smokers', obviously) but to suggest the baby's health was at risk is ridiculous. As others have already said, the baby was not going to be made ill by sitting near a couple of smokers outside as a one-off occasion.

When ds1 was a baby I took him to a small cafe (pre-smoking ban) and someone came in and lit up. I wasn't very happy, it had been empty when I went in and I hadn't realised smoking was allowed. I didn't linger but neither did I panic, complain, assume he would instantly become asthmatic etc. It is the only time he has ever been exposed to smoke in the 3.9 years of his life and I am happy to report he seems fine.

FayeFife · 04/01/2011 13:27

I agree - the smoker in question was an oaf. Being a smoker myself and quite embarrassed about my filthy smelly expensive habit....I would have jumped up apologetically and moved. I wouldn't even have sparked up next to the baby in the first place. But that's just me.

It's the implication here that the OP is so obviously in the right. Whatever your view on smoking and rude fellow diners...she did not have the monopoly on that set up because she has a baby. Baby schmaby - it's a free country.

JossAcklandsSpunkyBackpack · 04/01/2011 13:29

What FayeFife said.

ImpeccableMe · 04/01/2011 13:34

Yep, I agree Fifey! Wink

COCKadoodledooo · 04/01/2011 13:35

All I can say is you must have really wanted that meal. You couldn't pay me to sit outside a restaurant atm!

And yep, yabu, but they were being inconsiderate too.

laurely · 04/01/2011 14:04

YANBU to not want smoke so close to your baby. You were outside though and smokers sit outside since the ban. It's that simple really.

pinkstarlight · 04/01/2011 14:12

to be fair the erea where you was sat was most likely the smoking area,this time of year especially not many would sit outside to eat. sounds to me like they lit up without thinking most smokers would have moved but i cant help but wonder of how your partner spoke to them are you sure he was not aggressive in attitude

TandB · 04/01/2011 14:35

I think the people saying that other posters are "defending" the smokers are missing the point a little. I don't think anyone is disputing that they could have been considerate and put themselves out, but chose not to. I think it is the OP's general "I'm more important than anyone else because I have a baby" stance that has annoyed a lot of people. Probably because a lot of people do think that all mothers act and think like that and it makes people less likely to give parents and children that little bit of consideration that makes life so much more pleasant.

A lot of people do seem to forget that their child is the most important thing in the world to them, not to everyone else around them. That doesn't mean that it is acceptable for others to go out of their way to make life unpleasant for that child, but it does mean that other people have every right to go about their legal, everyday business and decline to put themselves out for someone else's child.

It is for the parent to decide what is important to them and make appropriate choices. In this case, if eating in this particular place was important to them then that is fine, but they shouldn't have expected other people to reduce their own enjoyment of the experience to accomodate them. If it is protecting their baby's health that is most important then they should have gone somewhere more child-friendly.

Everyone can't have it all ways.

Goldenbear · 04/01/2011 14:38

Well my DP wouldn't have been that polite in that scenario, so what- they were out of line, you greet rudeness with rudeness and my DP used to smoke a lot but it is totally uncivilised to roll up and light up next to a baby. A baby present trumps their right to light up. I wouldn't have dreamt of doing this when I smoked and was childless and none of the smokers I know would! Maybe I just have friends that are decent human beings!

mutznutz · 04/01/2011 14:41

Let's not forget all this drama could have been avoided by the OP simply turning her child to face the other way so it was not downwind.....(needs rolling eyes smiley)