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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to feel uncharitably that she has got her comeuppance

190 replies

OhdearNigel · 03/01/2011 17:22

(am a regular poster but have namechanged)

SIL and I have babies of the same age. We decided to BLW, she wanted to do purees. I never said a word about her decision, although she made it quite clear both to me, MIL and DH that she though BLW was dangerous & we shouldn't be doing it blah, blah. ILs have made subtle and not so subtle attempts to undermine BLWing at their house.

FF to christmas. We were all together and MIL did dinner for the babies. DN would not eat any of what had been done and SIL ended up pureeing it as he started screaming when she tried to spoon feed him with it (it was finely cut up). Apparently he won't eat anything that isn't pureed to within an inch of it's life. DD enthusiastically tackled her roast dinner all by herself, roast potatoes and all. DD eats anything you put in front of her

SIL then comments that she now wishes she had gone the BLWing route as DN is very fussy with food. AIBU to feel a sense of "I told you so" smugness ?

OP posts:
lemonpuff · 03/01/2011 18:25

BLW isn't anythng new, that's what my parents did, crusts of bread, chips, carrot sticks,'apple cores'. Aren't purees the new thing?

poogoestothailand · 03/01/2011 18:26

Agree with the posters who say discussing weaning is the height of tedium.

Laughing very hard though at the concept of someone's 'comeuppance' being a small child's refusal to eat their dinner Shock Shock

OP, I've got news for you, it gets soooooo much worse. Seriously, just wait until you get to the toddler stage Grin

SauvignonBlanche · 03/01/2011 18:28

Why does BLW always seem to = smugness? Wink

allnightlong · 03/01/2011 18:29

Shock That's one heluva smugtastic OP. Are you as competitive over other areas in your life or just motherhood?

Pancakeflipper · 03/01/2011 18:30

NewYearNewPants - oh I am gonna smile and wink in your direction and drag my chair nearer to you. The BLW versus the Puree is utterly dull with too many high horses.

I bet your family just love all those arched eyebrows you SIL give each other. Must be an entire aerobics workout for your faces.

Shimmerysilverglitterybaubles · 03/01/2011 18:31

Yes, in a couple of years time you won't even remember why it mattered to you. Seriously, you won't. But I am not judging you op, you will never have met a first time mum more hysterical and uptight than me, I was a bloody nightmare!

SkyBluePearl · 03/01/2011 18:32

I did purees (our adult food mushed up)with child 1 and baby led weaning with child 2. Baby led weaning was far easier but also messier. Both my kids eat almost anything but then we have always just fed them what we eat.

LadyintheRadiator · 03/01/2011 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glitterknickaz · 03/01/2011 18:35
babybouncer · 03/01/2011 18:38

Who doesn't love an 'I told you' moment now and then? OP - enjoy (just don't say anything because we know it'll just come round to bite you on the arse!).

LittleMissHissyFit · 03/01/2011 18:38

FWIW, I personally don't agree with BLW. DC will eat stuff that they are not digestively equipped for, and it's up to us to monitor and help in all areas.

I also didn't get on too well with DS being in my room, among other things.

DS was on such a ridiculously restricted seasonal diet at one point, due to availability of appropriate foods where we were that there was a week or so that he pretty much survived on mango. Morning, noon and night. Nothing else that was appropriate for a child of his age was in season.

Before that, when first weaning he had issues with carrot, tomatoes can be tricky and later I had to be careful with banana, and not give it after lunch. DS would be writhing in agony otherwise. He loved bananas, was one of his first words, but I had to watch his intake. This is why I struggle with letting an infant lead that process.

In spite of his near metamorphosis into a Mango, DS went on to eat anything and everything, the stronger the flavour the better. I say that if you put salt and pepper on a chair, he'd have a go!

Other DC that I know that have followed a Staged pureed and then mashed food diet have ishoos with foods, massive ones too.

Eating is such a strange arena and one that is seemingly impossible to predict. Kids eat how they eat.

DS is now at school, but I'm now listening to BIL father to DN (18m) make wide sweeping comments about decisions I make. Make statements that in a year or 2 they will not uphold, and recently said to my family that actually, I need to give BIL a few patronising Hmm faces, cos he thinks he knows better, when he knows only as much as I did when DS was 18m.

I do recall making some frankly idiotic comments back then, and perhaps OP when the time passes you will be able to laugh about it.

Mspontipine · 03/01/2011 18:38

Hmm Ds ate a Brussels sprout on his 2nd Christmas. (just turned 1) You won't get him anywhere near one now (just turned 8) :)

LittleMissHissyFit · 03/01/2011 18:39

I do think though perhaps you have been too laid back about these comments SIL makes though.

This turning the other cheek is not working that well. Yeah you are smug, but I think that all new parents are in a way.

Perhaps the odd, 'You do things your way SIL and I do things mine and if it works for the pair of us that is all that needs to be said'

Stand up for yourself and say I don't agree with everything you do SIL, but if it works for you, great.

Or I don't do things the way you do, and you don't do the things I do. I would never dream of criticizing or undermining you for your parenting decisions, so please don't do it to me.

Likewise the inlaws. You can tell them "Things are done very differently to how they were done 30-40 yrs ago for good reason, I am not making these decisions on a whim, I am reading up and trying them and they are working. DD is happy, thriving and meeting all tasks and challenges presented to her. I am proud of her and of the routine we have, it's working well, and it won't be changing unless I feel it needs to"

Your baby. Your rules. I know it's trite, but it works for both DC here and serves the IL a good portion of STFU too!

sorry for the essay... Blush

usualsuspect · 03/01/2011 18:39

No such thing as BLW in my day ..2 of mine ate anything you put in front of them ..1 is still a fussy sod at 18 ..tis the way it goes

SoupDragon · 03/01/2011 18:40

i remember being delighted that my superior parenting skills resulted in lovely calm, adorable DS1. The ultimate Angel Child.

Then I had DS2. However, I was still delighted that my superior parenting skills had, at least, resulted in a good sleeper.

Then I had DD.

There won't be any more.

ArthurPewty · 03/01/2011 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

washngo · 03/01/2011 18:50

I must say that I understand you being smug, I would have been too. until about 20 months my ds ate literally anything and I happily put it down to the wide variety of foods I weaned him on. Now he is two and a half and stubbornly rejects all fruit and veg. I had a thread about it a couple of weeks ago and had some fab advice about offering veg, but puréeing some into other stuff too so that even if he refuses it he still gets some. Anyhow, the point is you may still come a cropper with the whole food thing, so try to hide the smugness just in case it gets thrown back at you! I really hope though that you continue to have a lovely easy time with food, and will be v jealous if you do!

emmyloulou · 03/01/2011 18:55

Ha! Best of luck that smugness will eventually bite you on the ass at the fussy stage.

meantosay · 03/01/2011 19:09

I have a SIL who sounds very like your's and I would never pass up an opportunity to feel smug and 'I told you so' about her Grin.

toeragsnotriches · 03/01/2011 19:10

Have not read all the thread but are these the first babies? There are going to be issues like this again and again over the years and ime, the controversial stuff just gets bigger. If it's food now, it'll be schools next and so on... You'll have to sort out a more charitable attitude to her because next time you could be the one having the uncomfortable experience.

You're lucky to have a SIL facing the same stuff as you. My kids have no cousins and are not likely to have any either. Support each other - it's not a competition.

Acanthus · 03/01/2011 19:17

Ooh Hissy, that sounded nearly as smug as the OP!

scruffybird · 03/01/2011 19:18

Your post reminds me of what a smug cow I used to be, with my perfectly well behaved dd, and then along came ds to teach me some much needed lessons!

ShoppingDays · 03/01/2011 19:24

YABU

ginhag · 03/01/2011 19:26

Ha. We 'did' BLW (well DS only wanted to eat if he could do it himself + I am lazy) and it worked really well for us.

However, DS now nearly 3, met up with group of friends plus kids aged 1-6... None of whom were BLW. And guess who was a 'drama king' about food, wanted to be fed everything, wouldn't eat, wouldn't try anything, cried and cried....

Yep. My kid. Hurrah. Bloody hope none of my friends were feeling I had got my comeuppance tho.. Imagine they were just thinking ('phew, glad it's not mine kicking off! Grin Thats certainly my usual reaction)

He did a perfect job when it came to the ice cream tho (strange that :))

blinder · 03/01/2011 19:44

It never ceases to amaze me how many people ask 'am I being unreasonable?' then get all stroppy when people say 'yes'.

FWIW in your posish I'd be feeling vindicated but not happy that my neice wouldn't eat well. And I wouldn't expect to justifyany feeling of satisfaction as a good thing.

The other posters urging you to deal more directly with your SIL are right surely? Be more assertive if she makes inappropriate comments. But I do wonder, given your happiness at your SIL's 'comeuppance' whether the whole judgemental behaviour of you SIL isn't in your own competitive mind.