Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my neighbours should NOT have had a NYE party?

248 replies

wolfhound · 01/01/2011 09:14

We live in a terrace. Our neighbours (a lovely couple whom we get on with) went away for New Year. Their son (in his 30s, lives 300 miles away) had a party in their house (with their permission). Thumping loud music till 4am.

We have a 3yo, a 1yo and I'm pg. Party woke up 1yo twice, we got no sleep, and then up at 5.30am with kids.

I realise that many people will feel it's only one night a year. But it's our night too. We wanted a quiet night in (after an exhausting Xmas hosting family) and then to have a nice family New Year's Day. I think that you shouldn't have loud parties if you've got shared walls (every room in our house borders theirs). Go out - there's plenty of places for the young & single to go.

Am thinking of how to make it clear to parents that it was too much for us, and shouldn't be repeated (same happened last year but we didn't complain because we'd just moved in & didn't want to sour relationship). Still, obviously, want to keep good relationship with them, and I know they adore their son & think he can do no wrong, so got to be carefully worded.

Wondering how many people think we are justified, and how many not. My first AIBU post, so donning thick skin now...

OP posts:
upahill · 01/01/2011 21:53

Expat I said something similar in on a thread some weeks ago about the ex alkie neighbour.

The jist was, me and Dh came home jet lagged from holiday a couple of days before Christmas many moons ago and we were knacked.

We lived in a terrace house and when we went to bed the radio sounded like it was on in our bedroom it was that loud. We knocked on the doors and windows all night.
Turns out the neighbour had gone away for Christmas and his piss head drinking buddy decided to 'teach us a lesson' for the times we had complained (like every night!!!)

A couple of months piss head drinking buddy collapses and dies in the street 'oh' says I,' what a shame'

(It was really, wasted life and he was a relatvily young chap but ..........fuck me he made our lives a misery on a daily basis on purpose while alkie neighbour wanted everyone to join 'the party'

SylvanianFamily · 01/01/2011 22:03

Not nice, ladies.

Wishing death on people is a bit beyond neighbour disputes.

upahill · 01/01/2011 22:05

You ar right. I didn't wish death though. Just didn't go into mourning over his demise.

2rebecca · 01/01/2011 22:11

I would say something to the parents and tell them the music disturbed you until 4am and you didn't like to phone/ knock in case they intimidated you and because you didn't know them, also it should have been obvious to them that as it is a terrace the music would disturb you. Suggest next time son has party in his own house or in village hall.
I would have knocked on door at 1am.

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 22:11

We've had two neighbours like that, upahill, who died untimely deaths connected to their druggie lifestyles. The other finally got a longish prison sentence.

We've got a single mum in there now, she's quite except for screaming kids. But it's nice change from raves/brawls/parties, etc.

autodidact · 01/01/2011 22:12

I fluctuate between feeling considerable sympathy for and hugely frustrated by the noise intolerant, of whom I count many as dear friends. You guys are so ill-equipped for the lovely, lively noisiness of normal city life and feel so actively persecuted and irritable at fairly common noise situations that I don't doubt noise sensitivity is a real affliction which causes a lot of pain to its sufferers. But then sometimes I really do think oh you bloody kill joys, put some ear plugs in your over-sensitive ears and stop moaning. This is one of the latter times and thank you so much for posting this as I have never dared to say it to any of my noise sensitive pals. I've been too busy trying to be sympathetic as I know it's not their fault they're afflicted. It's not your fault either but as I don't know you and you've put this in aibu and are prepared for the truth, I shall admit what I really think.

upahill · 01/01/2011 22:19

auto .... I lived in a busy town with cars, ambulances, police cars etc going through all day and night.
However once I was a sleep it was a massive shock to the system to be suddenly woken up with a bloody loud full volume brass band music playing in the room next to me.

my friends would come over some evenings and e couldn't hear another speak and when we went round to complain he would say 'come in and have a drink!'
Do you think I was oversensitve?

mjinsparklystockings · 01/01/2011 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 22:23

My sleep was often interrupted by the downstairs drug dealer's clients, auto, in the early hours of the morning, trying to break down the door to his flat whilst wailing for a fix.

Oh, and several times by either Eastern European or Russian gang members at 3AM in black Mercs with black-tinted windows, 'only checking' to see if the other flats in the stair were occupied and, as they were, so sorry to interrupt and slipping a £50 note through the letterbox.

God only knows what they'd have done if there'd be no one else in the stair.

Oversensitive, yes, indeed.

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 22:25

I nearly forgot about the other neighbour, Tweaker. I call him that because that's what he is, a tweaker, a speed/ice freak.

He was the 4AM rave chap. Yep.

Must be oversensitive to full volume/bass rave blaring from next door.

chocolatesanta · 01/01/2011 22:35

expat what did you expect? You know that people can't be expected to know when they're being noisy!!

If you didn't tell them they were disturbing you, then of course they carry on making a noise - blasting music at 4am is only a problem if somebody tells you that. The starting assumption is 'anything goes' (as long as it's 'fun' and you're 'cool' of course).

People can't possibly be expected to take responsibility for their own behaviour.

Good god.

autodidact · 01/01/2011 22:48

Yes, very sympathetic to brass band unless it's a one off NYE party brass band. And living cheek by jowl with drug dealers is never that great, expat, I agree. Though often a part of city life, unfortunately (our neighbours got busted by a great 3am blaring siren raid recently... Quite exciting- the police ran through our mates's house, making her children';s year.). I am honestly very very sorry for people who feel plagued by noise. I hear how awful and distressing it is a lot. And I don't doubt for a second that some people have extremely good reason to complain and need intervention from police, environmental health etc to resolve very unreasonable behaviour from seriously selfish neighbours. But I do think the other side of the coin is that some people are genuinely over-sensitive and can even be quite controlling of others in their quest for total silence. Total intolerance of noises such as babies crying, kids playing football in the communal areas of the estate, the schizophrenic man who squeals inconveniently in the night when he's getting unwell or occasional parties, as long as all these remain intermittent rather than constant, is a recipe for making local life more draconian and less fun (in some circs) than necessary, imo.

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 22:50

'Though often a part of city life,'

There's no city around here for about 60 miles.

At any rate, the dealer's gone, thankfully.

autodidact · 01/01/2011 22:56

Good.:) Didn't know it was part of country life too. [dim townie emoticon]

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 22:57

Drugs, alcoholism, they're pretty much everywhere, sadly.

autodidact · 01/01/2011 23:06

Yes, I know that from intermittent listening to the Archers (quietlyWink). Just didn't realise they were so loud outside the city!

mugggletoeandwine · 01/01/2011 23:06

Gosh, my post, saying it's fine to be loud once a year, was taken as being loud often.
Huh?
Weird.

Anyway, I stand by it.
Once a year. let them be.

Opinionatedfreak · 01/01/2011 23:35

I think YABU and quite passive aggressive.

You were told to phone if it got too noisy. You didn't.

I think there on in you lost any right to whinge. Sorry.

I also think all the people going on about adult children using their parents are mad. I've moved away from 'home' and at Christmas-time my friends from school and I always get together at one of our parent's houses (which were our homes for many years) to enjoy each other's company.

These days it is v. likely to be a daytime gathering with small children but int he past it was often a hogmany party.

It is easy when hosing a party to not notice how loud the music is or how late it has got.

If I had told the neighbours (even my parents neighbours) to let me know if there was a problem and they didn't but then whinged about the noise I would be quite cross.

MrsNonSmoker · 01/01/2011 23:38

I want to live next door to ChocolateSanta - sound like my kinda neighbour, in bed, at night, sleeping!

Obviously with neighbours you have to pick your battles. You could say its only once a year (is it?) or you could say that you are going to have every NYE spoilt. Why should you go out with young children, its your home, why can't you stay in it in peace? Why do people think they have a right to do as they want as long as its only now and again, only a bit of a larf, other people have it much worse etc etc.? Confused

Atomant · 01/01/2011 23:55

YANBU

JockTamsonsBairns · 01/01/2011 23:58

Are people actually seriously complaining about a NYE party which has gone on until 4am?

How respectable.

Have many of you been up here to Scotland for Hogmanay? I genuinely cannot recall any party I have been at/heard of which has finished so early.

OP - YABU. It's awful living through the wall to incessantly loud neighbours, and I speak from experience here. But this is a once-a-year party FFS, and Hogmanay is the biggest celebration of the year.

By the way, Grin at the poster who suggested phoning the police to come out to ask them to turn the music down at 2am. I'll try that one in Glasgow next year!

autodidact · 02/01/2011 00:02

Great post, Jock!

expatinscotland · 02/01/2011 00:12

that's why I'll never live in Glasgow. too many neds and bams who screech when pished.

bugger that.

:o

onmyfeet · 02/01/2011 00:47

And this is one reason why we would never live in an attached home. Once a year isn't that bad, imagine if he lived there all the time. I can see how annoying it would be that night if it was keeping you and your family awake.

I would probably not mention it to the neighbors now, but would next year when they tell you he is coming to stay...would take that opportunity to ask them if he could turn the music down after 1 am. Then they will know you were disturbed, but are not being whiny about it, having never mentioned it for all that time.

Consuela39 · 02/01/2011 08:28

Some people have little choice Onmyfeet.

And the one time I lived in a detached house, I was woken up nearly every single night by the trail of students drunkenly wandering home at 2am.

Fights, vandalism, singing...you name it.

Here in our flat we hardly get woken at all, by anyone, and have brilliant neighbours.