to think my neighbours should NOT have had a NYE party?

[wolfhound]

We live in a terrace. Our neighbours (a lovely couple whom we get on with) went away for New Year. Their son (in his 30s, lives 300 miles away) had a party in their house (with their permission). Thumping loud music till 4am.

We have a 3yo, a 1yo and I'm pg. Party woke up 1yo twice, we got no sleep, and then up at 5.30am with kids.

I realise that many people will feel it's only one night a year. But it's our night too. We wanted a quiet night in (after an exhausting Xmas hosting family) and then to have a nice family New Year's Day. I think that you shouldn't have loud parties if you've got shared walls (every room in our house borders theirs). Go out - there's plenty of places for the young & single to go.

Am thinking of how to make it clear to parents that it was too much for us, and shouldn't be repeated (same happened last year but we didn't complain because we'd just moved in & didn't want to sour relationship). Still, obviously, want to keep good relationship with them, and I know they adore their son & think he can do no wrong, so got to be carefully worded.

Wondering how many people think we are justified, and how many not. My first AIBU post, so donning thick skin now...

YANBU - it's not his sodding house! Your neighbours should have thought about it, but then they probably thought their ds would hire a string quartet and serve canapes; well he is 30!

So no-one in their 30's should have a NYE party unless it has a string quartet?

'So no-one in their 30's should have a NYE party unless it has a string quartet?'

Absolutely, and hems should be knee length. Otherwise you are just embarrassing and old.

Well I plan to let my DS come home whenever he wants when he's an adult. And if he wants to throw a party, that's just fine by me.

Oh yes, I do hope his hem was knee length

No, haven't been asleep - have been at soft play centre with kids. Sheer hell with no sleep! :)

Interesting to hear the replies - seems pretty equally split between those who agree with me, and those who would agree with neighbours son. Don't think there's much that would change anyone's mind on either side, but good to get clarification on why people think as they do.

Am going to say something to parents, as I didn't last year. But will definitely word it carefully, as have no intention of starting bad feeling - and have not been doing any tit-for-tat noise today, for the same reason.

Thanks all for your points of view. Perhaps everyone should have a sign on their door with their views on noise, then we could all make sure we move to like-minded neighbourhoods...

Is it only mothers of sons that plan to keep them as children forever?

I know it is rubbish without sleep. Like I said I remember it well from the days of living next door the alckie brass band playing neighbour EVERY BLOODY NIGHT FOR YEARS dispite evniromental health and police being involved.

I was woken up in the early hours of the baby next door crying on Thursday morning I think it was and couldn't settle . Annoying as mine are fast asleep but that's life.

The party is a one off once a year.
Let it go and think about your noise all year.

Agree with those that say YABU. It is only one night per year. That's the crux of it. How often will your baby cry? Quite possibly every night.

I also don't agree with the horror at occasionally disturbing the neighbours. It is inevitable if you live in flats or terraces. We can't all curtail any fun or excitement in our lives in case we might disturb the neighbours occasionally.

My best friend lives (with her DP) in a ground floor flat. Their upstairs neighbours have a toddler who CONSTANTLY runs around and jumps off things. It honestly sounds like the ceiling is going to come crashing down. This happens, for example, at 6 o clock on a Sunday morning when my friends are not up.

I don't think families with young children have a monopoly on being disturbed.

I don't plan to keep my DS a child spidookly but I don't think there's anything wrong with someone in their 30s throwing a raucous party. Christ my parents were out last night at a neighbours until nearly 2am and they're in their late 70s. You sound v dull tbh

I think if they told you to ring if it was too noisy then you should have done. I know its worrying that there is the risk that you get some abuse but if they've said that then its a good sign that they're approchable.

I had a big party when I was young and single once and it went on till 4:00am. I warned the neighbours beforehand and noone came round to ask me to stop. If they had done I would have done.

Recently our neighbour's kids had a party when the parents were away. Loads of teenagers out in the garden at 2:00am with loud music. I went round and told them it was far too loud, they said sorry and turned it off straight away. You need to give people a chance, but maybe next time you see the parents just let them know about how loud it was and that the kids couldn't sleep.

I never expect to go to bed before about 12:30 on NYE, because of the fireworks in the street/neighbours gardens and you can hear the noise of other people's parties. It's only one night a year so I don't mind and it would be unreasonable not to expect any noise or disturbance. But loud music going on until 4am is completely ridiculous and selfish, especially in a terraced house, I would have been annoyed by that, so YANBU.

Good idea to have a friendly word with the parents, make it clear that you're not against him having some people over in the evening and a bit of a party, but the fact that there was excessive noise and it went on well into the next morning, for hours after you'd reasonably expect a party to be over.

Why people keep going about shift work? OP doesn't do shift work. She didn't mention any work. She has dh. So she could stay in bed because she is pg and dh could get up with dcs. If he was so tired in the afternoon he could nap. They were not working and havn't slept much. Big deal. Once a year! It is all a bit melodrama here. Nobody ever died because someone was having party next door on NYE.

You dont suppose to get full night's sleep on NYE!

Lol @ 'my advice...never ever aproach these people'.
Yes. 'These people', you know they don't sleep on NYE. They are dangerous. Drug addicts.

YABU - is he supposed to cut his party short because you're pg??? . Get some earplugs, it's one night. Complaining to his parents when you didn't give him a chance to turn the music down at the time seems very unreasonable and pointless.

No big deal, our next door neighbours had a firework display at midnight, it was like they were exploding in our room, but that's NYE for you, we stayed up another couple of hours knowing sleep was unlikely. I would not complain, I would mention the noise if they ask or before next year's party.

I don't think 4am is unbelieveably late for a NYE party. Pre DC I used to have parties til 3am or so, and would always have expected a NYE party to go on longer....

My view is that with neighbours you have to pick your battles. I would rather have a neighbour who was quiet all year round, apart from one night, than one who was noisy/annoying on a regular basis.

In the OP's position, knowing there had been a loud party on NYE the previous year, and given that she wanted an undusturbed night's sleep, I would have arranged to go and stay with friends or relatives for the night. Or alternatively put up with it. I certainly wouldn't moan at the parents for being distubed one night out of 365, unless I wanted to fall out with them.

YABU. And your neighbours will think so too if you tell them, because they asked you to ring and you didn't. So what exactly are you expecting from them.

Can't believe how many miserable old gits there are on this thread.

Eurghh you are clearly BU. Yes it's annoying, of course it is. But its one night a year, why were you needs to have a quiet night in more important than his need to party?!
In 5 years time he'll find himself in your shoes and so it continues...

YABU, and those who say it's pathetic for a 30 year old to borrow his parents' house for a party need to remember that it is no longer 1995, and 30 year olds can no longer afford houses large enough for a good size party with lots of crash space (insofar as they ever could).

I certainly attended NY parties at friends' parental houses into my 30s, and NY parties in terraces that may possibly have gone on some considerable way past 12:15am; the music may not have been very loud, but the raucous laughter certainly was, some people may have even taken a drug or two, but not one of us would have knifed you if you'd asked us to keep the noise down.

YABU.
It's once a year.
I repeat, once a year.
Unclench and accept that others want to have loud fun once a year.

Once a year FFS.

Since when did having kids mean you turned into a boring cats bum?

My neighbour had a loud party last night, we were in bed by 11, but such is life, I'd never think to complain, it's once a year!!!

I wish all those who want to have 'loud fun' would fuck the fuck off, tbh.

Move to the middle of nowhere if you want to have 'loud fun'.

I'm sick to the back teeth of inconsiderate drunk fucks in this place. Hope they all die of liver failure young so they don't burden others with their loud noise for any longer, I really do.

A 30-something using Mum and Dad's for a crash party: L-O-S-E-R.

Sorry but yabu if you were pre-warned and asked to say if it was too loud but didn't, it is rather late to complain now. Can understand it was irritating and you are now sleep deprived but the neighbours can hardly bear the whole blame. Nothing they say or do now will get your night's sleep back (assuming you/they normally have a full night anyway). After all 5.30 starts are hardly sociable. You can't email them about this if they live next door!

You cant ask them not to party, but you can ask that the music be lowered at 1am,

for what its worth you could have called environmental health about the noise.

YABU. You live in a terrace. You will hear your neighbours. Get on with it, or buy a dettached. Live and let live.

detached