to think my neighbours should NOT have had a NYE party?

[wolfhound]

We live in a terrace. Our neighbours (a lovely couple whom we get on with) went away for New Year. Their son (in his 30s, lives 300 miles away) had a party in their house (with their permission). Thumping loud music till 4am.

We have a 3yo, a 1yo and I'm pg. Party woke up 1yo twice, we got no sleep, and then up at 5.30am with kids.

I realise that many people will feel it's only one night a year. But it's our night too. We wanted a quiet night in (after an exhausting Xmas hosting family) and then to have a nice family New Year's Day. I think that you shouldn't have loud parties if you've got shared walls (every room in our house borders theirs). Go out - there's plenty of places for the young & single to go.

Am thinking of how to make it clear to parents that it was too much for us, and shouldn't be repeated (same happened last year but we didn't complain because we'd just moved in & didn't want to sour relationship). Still, obviously, want to keep good relationship with them, and I know they adore their son & think he can do no wrong, so got to be carefully worded.

Wondering how many people think we are justified, and how many not. My first AIBU post, so donning thick skin now...

yanbu but she did tell you to ring and you didn't.
If you'd have rung they may well have turned it down - problem solved !

Did he grow up in that area and move away?
So having a NYE party at his parents house means his old friends don't have to travel 300 miles to see him.
Far more likely than a revenge scenario.
You should have told him at 1am, its'a bit after the fact now. If he's planning on one next year, you need to talk with your neighbours before hand to try and set some clear agreements about noise levels and times.
They will have to learn to compromise with noise as an elderly couple living next to three children for the next couple of decades.
Especially when the children fight.

YABU - if you were disturbed by the noise you should have rung/knocked next door to ask them to keep it down.

If you had done this and the noise had continued then you would not be unreasonable to be cross now.

BUt since you didn't, despite having been told to do so by the houseowner, then I think that YABU.

Why did you think there might be a confrontation? He's your lovely neighbours' son - might he not have been receptive to you letting them know how loud it was in your house?

So they encouraged you to go and complain if the noise bothered you but you didn't and came on here for a whinge instead.

YABU - you chose not to say anything and it is only one night a year

IDK about this, when we moved into this house we had neighbours with young kids move in about a week after. They were pretty noisy kids and they used to let them run up and down the stairs (next to our bedroom) screaming their heads off at 6 am on a Sunday. I never complained but yes sometimes we would come home late and put music on loud and party. We were young and having fun and were probably a bit inconsiderate but thats the price you pay for living in a terrace house. Tit for tat.

Since they moved we always let the new neighbours know if we are going to have a party (increasingly less these days)

I think its a bit inconsiderate of your neighbours to go away and let someone have a party unattended. They obviously have the wrong impression of their son. I would have a word in person and let them know how loud and late it was, how it impacted on you and ask them if he could have his party elsewhere next year. But please also consider the fact this is one night a year when they might be woken up by your crying child many times a year?

I don't think it is unreasonable to have a NYE party in your own home. But I do think it wildly unreasonable to borrow your parents' home and disturb their neighbours, with whom you have no relationship or bank of goodwill, for a NYE party.

I think that yabu. My neighbours also had a party which finished about 5am. Yes it was noisy and it did piss me off, but it is ONLY once a year. I am sure that my three dc's have annoyed the hell out of my neighbours for the last two years but they have not complained I Wouldn't rock the boat you may be faced with a few home about the noise that your young dc's make.

By the way, THEIR son should be entitled to use THEIR house

home truths

YANBU

The man who had this party is not your neighbour, and clearly doesn't feel bound by any kind of neighbourly responsibility to be considerate.

If your actual neighbours had had a bit of a late one, that would be different, but they effectively hired out their home to nye revellers and fucked off so that they wouldn't be troubled by the noise.

I think people in terraces can have parties, and I think a loud party on nye until the early hours is ok. A couple of hours after midnight though they should have taken you dcs into consideration and calmed it all down.

But allowing other people to use your home as a party venue when you are out and your neighbours have small children is just shit.

I would have words, at least to make it crystal clear that their sin is far from quiet as a mouse and has been jeopardising their good name in their neighbourhood with his boorish behaviour.

YABU - your neighbours told you to ring them if it got out of hand and you didn't.

You could have goen around and asked them to turn the noise down, you didnt.

Yes quite, Bonsoir, totally agree.

I think if it was the second year of it happening, and the parents stressed he was a quiet soul, I think they need to be put in the picture.

You could have phoned (would it have been them, or their son who would have picked up), or perhaps rung the police anonymously, as that may have had a far greater effect (esp if you could have just rung from a mobile [more awkward to trace] with their music audible while you made the call).

Opening the door to a copper at 2:30am could have had the effect of sobering them up to the fact they were being selfish in the extreme.

Obviously with some saying YABU, calling the cops or council's department (is it part of trading standards about nuisance to your neighbours) might be frowned upon, but it would be awkward for the son to prove you had done it, and anyway, the parents probably would not have been happy had they known how late this went on.

I have thought about the possibility of our kids making noise - and have asked neighbours before if they hear anything. They have always said no, they don't (and so has our neighbour on the other side). The walls are reasonably thick, so ordinary noise doesn't cause a problem. But, yes, will be prepared to hear otherwise. Our neighbours have had other parties before and it hasn't caused us too much problem. It was the very loud music / lateness. I do think those of you who said we should have telephoned have a point. I am uncomfortable with confrontations. I still think I should mention it to the parents though, and perhaps say that I should have called, but didn't. Last year, at 3am we could hear men shouting and swearing in the room next to our bedroom. Not at all like the neighbours (or their other kids that we've met) but perhaps guests getting out of hand. It puts me off telephoning though - just not a good idea to get into a to-and-fro with drunk swearing blokes.

I agree with sixtyfootdoll, you had the opportunity to ask the volume to be turned down but you didn't.

I have been in your position before and I said nothing to them due to the fear of a confrontation. But I made damn sure I was ringing their bell at half 7 the next morning to ask them to be more considerate in future.

YANBU - there are places for loud parties.

and can I remind the youngsters in our area the place is not in the middle of the street disturbing half the neighbourhood until 4:30am.

grrrrr. I am a grumpy person this morning.

In his 30s and having noisy parties at mummy and daddy's pad? Sounds like a bit of a sad muppet to me. You probably should have called but I understand if you just can't stand confrontation.

If they do let him have another party there, maybe expect the worst and go away to stay with family for the night?

Hope you don't feel too rubbish today. Lots of CBeebies and MN

networkguy, do you really think that that the police would visit a nye party to aks them to turn the noise down?
What part of the 1950s do you live in?

I think you should have called or went round as you had been told to do if it was a problem. You didn't do that so you have to bear some responsibility for the situation.

However, the son was BU for playing loud music until 4.00am and for that I think you should speak to the parents. Whatever you do do not send an e mail as that is more than likely to cause ill feeling as it's so cold and can be easy to misinterpret.

Any party should stop at 2am - earlier if neighbours complain. Personally when we lived in a terrace it was a chorus of 'I want to know what love is' at 2am that had been bashing on their door - they shut up after that! 'It's only once a year' - what the hell does that mean - that you can be as thoughtless as you like?

Sorry, YABU, it is only one night and you were warned in advance so could have prepared (earplugs for you, cd player on low to give constant noise in kids room) or arrange to stay somewhere else.

I also don't think son is BU to have a party in what I assume is his family home, I have done the same many times as an adult.

networkguy doenst live round here! A couple of years ago a group of teenagers were walking down the road in the middle of the night. We could hear them coming because they were smashing bottles out of all of the recycling boxes as they walked along. One neighbour called the police while a few of us stormed outside to tackle them.

Result was that I and another marched the main bottle chuckers down the street with brooms and dustpans. We made them clear up every single bit of glass. The look on the face of the other neighbour as we turned down our road onto the next one as he saw the trail of destruction down there was one of

Anyway, the point of the story was an hour after we were all back in bed a policeman finally knocked on our door. Fat lot of use!

I don't think it is at all reasonable for you to have been expected to confront a house full of strangers that were still making noise in the small hours of the morning.

Knocking in to your neighbours to let them know they are being louder than they realise is entirely different - you have a relationship with them, you have a good idea of how likely they are to get violent.

The op had no idea what was going on in that house, what substances were being abused or what the likely reaction was to her involvement.

It would have been foolhardy to have potentially caused trouble with a houseful of drunk, and possibly high, strangers when you were next door with small children.

Having a party is not yet illegal, and as I've already said, him holding on in his old home makes sense to me.
You were told to complain if the noise got too much and you didn't, so they assumed everything was fine. Now you are grumbling, because they didn't somehow realise what you wanted.
What will you say when the parents look at you in bewilderment and ask 'Why didn't you just ask them to turn down the music'
'I was too scared?'

Fantastic OYSSK!
Not the police response mind, and I'm delighted you weren't all cautioned for unlawful detainment of minors.

I think you have to expect NYE to be noisy....but I would certainly make NYD really noisy too!!