to think my neighbours should NOT have had a NYE party?

[wolfhound]

We live in a terrace. Our neighbours (a lovely couple whom we get on with) went away for New Year. Their son (in his 30s, lives 300 miles away) had a party in their house (with their permission). Thumping loud music till 4am.

We have a 3yo, a 1yo and I'm pg. Party woke up 1yo twice, we got no sleep, and then up at 5.30am with kids.

I realise that many people will feel it's only one night a year. But it's our night too. We wanted a quiet night in (after an exhausting Xmas hosting family) and then to have a nice family New Year's Day. I think that you shouldn't have loud parties if you've got shared walls (every room in our house borders theirs). Go out - there's plenty of places for the young & single to go.

Am thinking of how to make it clear to parents that it was too much for us, and shouldn't be repeated (same happened last year but we didn't complain because we'd just moved in & didn't want to sour relationship). Still, obviously, want to keep good relationship with them, and I know they adore their son & think he can do no wrong, so got to be carefully worded.

Wondering how many people think we are justified, and how many not. My first AIBU post, so donning thick skin now...

There is no allowance in the Anti-social Behaviour Act 2003 for 'one-off' occasions or New Years Eve.

Thats as maybe but as human beings it would be nice to acknowledge the world doesnt revolve around us and our wants and needs and other peoples enjoyment will be at odds with ours sometimes.

But there is in the 'Goodwill to all Men' Act which specifies that if you have children who have probably kept your neighbours awake until all hours, you should not begrudge one, yes one, night of disruption to yourself.

"One who believes that everyone should have the right to live peacefully in their own home at all times. That's me. And the other, who believes that everyone has the right to do as they like in their own home, whether or not that impacts on neighbours."

The first is not physically possible.

The second is a misrepresentation.

You did not ask the neighbours' son to turn the music down. You do not know if he would have done so, had you asked. Therefore it is very difficult to know if he was being a bad neighbour or a perfectly normal one.

I'm looking at the anti-social behaviour act at the moment but the noise at night section simply refers me to an act further back.
I'm not from England so am unfamiliar with the laws, could you outline the relevant legislation governing noise at night or link me to a page that will?

"The Anti-social Behaviour Act 2003 amended the Noise Act 1996 and enables local authorities in England and Wales to tackle night time noise emitted from dwellings and gardens between the hours of 11.00 pm and 7.00 am."

but on what grounds will they tackle it. etc.
I'd need a bit more context to judge if this would qualify. Does it give decible levels, does it differentiate with regards to the source of the noise and it's purpose etc?

sorry that sounded like an order and a bit arsey.
I meant to ask politely, so sorry if it came across as otherwise.

I'm not sure of decibel levels, I don't think they are set out explicitly as what is acceptable can vary depending on what is normal if I understand correctly. And noise can be a nuisance without being loud - thinking of bass type thumping which isn't necessarily 'loud' in the normal sense.

I do think they make a distinction between certain types of amplified noise and sound equipment and noise made by voices or similar.

Well then it's quite possible that a once off NYE party may come under it. Depending on what could be considered normal for an area (this may encompass traditions, for example it'd be hard to argue that a normally quiet family letting off fireworks on guy fawkes are engaging in anti-social behaviour by following social traditions). It would almost certainly bring into play the nature of the area city/suburb/country.
I'd imagine you'd be dragged into an argument over what is an acceptable time on NYE like we have been here. Because if the legislation gives them the power from 11pm well then I'd imagine some would argue that noise after this time on NYE is completely unacceptable. Others who think the neighbour has been a twat here may still feel that 11 is a bit draconian given that 12 is the focal point of NYE and say they believe 1 am or 12.30 should be the cut-off point.
So you can see that even those who think the neighbour is being a dick may dispute at what point it becomes anti-social and falls foul of that legislation.

*may not come under it

kind of ruined the whole point of my post there

Interestingly, there are allowances made for fireworks for New Years Eve and some other special occasions. Normally they should stop at 11pm and that is extended to 1am for New Years Eve.

That exceptions are not explicitly stated for other sorts of noise leads me to believe there are no such allowances.

Nice save, mayorquimby

Tbh if i was the OP and read the YANU posts i would be grateful for my lovely neighbours and their once a year party. Because most of these posters seem to have truly vile neighbours and they are-rightly-fed up. It surprises me that you cannot see the difference.
Good neighbours are like gold dust, and i wouldn't have sent this e-mail. I 'm like you blessed with lovely neighbours and i appreciate them even more after reading some posts here.

And don't forget in few years time you will have 3 dcs practising 3 music instruments

The OP's post just seems so memememe. WE wanted an early night WE wanted a nice family new years day. Thats all well and good but other people WANT to do things that may be at odds with what you want from time to time, its just called life. If you dont like it you need to bugger off to live on a desert island, but then you might moan about how inconsiderate the airplanes flying above you when you WANTED a quiet evening were.

I'm with Riven,Expat,Chocolate Santa etc on this.

I personally don't see the need for blaring music at any hour. Is it really impossible to have a party without having the music booming?

I don't get the once a year thing either. So anything goes if we do it just once a year?

Surely it's not too much to expect people to have some consideration for others? It doesn't require that much intelligence to consider that if you're having to shout above the music that your neighbours are also being disturbed by it.

And that if it's the early hours of the morning that perhaps you should turn the music down or off.

mjinsparkly - you may be right. But I did say in my post that they have several parties a year. I've only complained about one (had when they were not home), because only one was a problem. They've complained to us about other (non-noise-related) issues, and we've quickly sorted those. Complained is probably not the right word, we have just told each other about the problems. I think communication is pretty important in any community. We certainly don't mention every little issue to them, and I expect they don't to us, but I think we both mention the ones that have a big impact on us. If I was your neighbour, I wouldn't say anything to you about having your kids friends over for a drink. But if your kids friends played loud music in the rooms next to our bedrooms until 4am, I would say something (politely) to you. Unless I discovered that you took issue with that, and thought it was fine to do it. In which case, I'd either put up and shut up (but feel hard done by) or, if it got too frequent and difficult, think about moving. So either way, you'd probably come off best. I don't think our neighbours will stop having parties, or letting their kids have parties, (nor have I ever suggested to them that they should) but I think they'll reiterate to that one son that he needs to keep it reasonable.

mj - "I wonder when we became so intolerant as a society to other people enjoying themselves."

I think you'll find quite a long history of people being intolerant of drunkeness. But perhaps you're not equating "enjoying themselves" with "drunkeness"...

I think your son's 18th party should have been in a hall in that case. I don't think houses are a good place for noisy parties that go on past midnight.
If you are planning a noisy late party find a suitable venue for it, not one adjacent to people who may want to sleep.

mj - wasn't thinking you were naive, just observing that society - as reflected in laws - has long objected to drunkeness, so it's not a recent thing iyswim?

I don't think that society objects to people enjoying themselves. Just the nuisance caused by people "enjoying themselves" in ways that have a negative impact on others in society.

Your DS's 18th isn't a fair comparison with the OP's experience, given that you say that most of the neighbours came too.

You got me musing on how society accommodates the sort of hair-letting-down that we all need from time to time, and I thought that it would have been by the whole group having a shared event (not that different from your DS's 18th where everybody was involved).

The equivalent at New Year would be that many people like to observe/mark midnight. But outside Scotland, it is not widespread practice for people to stay up beyond 1am.

So I still think that OP is not being unreasonable.