to think my neighbours should NOT have had a NYE party?

[wolfhound]

We live in a terrace. Our neighbours (a lovely couple whom we get on with) went away for New Year. Their son (in his 30s, lives 300 miles away) had a party in their house (with their permission). Thumping loud music till 4am.

We have a 3yo, a 1yo and I'm pg. Party woke up 1yo twice, we got no sleep, and then up at 5.30am with kids.

I realise that many people will feel it's only one night a year. But it's our night too. We wanted a quiet night in (after an exhausting Xmas hosting family) and then to have a nice family New Year's Day. I think that you shouldn't have loud parties if you've got shared walls (every room in our house borders theirs). Go out - there's plenty of places for the young & single to go.

Am thinking of how to make it clear to parents that it was too much for us, and shouldn't be repeated (same happened last year but we didn't complain because we'd just moved in & didn't want to sour relationship). Still, obviously, want to keep good relationship with them, and I know they adore their son & think he can do no wrong, so got to be carefully worded.

Wondering how many people think we are justified, and how many not. My first AIBU post, so donning thick skin now...

I think going to mummy's to have a party when you are in your thirties and having music playing till four in the morning does a wanker make.

And yes, I would assume a party where everyone has been drinking until 4am there could be a possiblilty of some aggro

Spidookly...don't forget the orgies, bare knuckle fighting in the garden and the murder in the study (I think it was the DJ with the candlestick)

It was a NYE party for goodness sake, the music was too loud for this particular neighbour, I'm sure she'll get over it

For goodness sake this is a bit silly.

A fella is having a party at his parents house which his parents have said ok to.
It's NYE, he's probably had a few beers, you lose track of time, having a chat and a good time with his mates, you are not constantly thinking about next door.

I think some of you have become so wrapped up in being parents you have forgotten what is was like to party pre kids.

Calling him a wanker is bloody stupid.

If it was every night, like I said before fair enough it would be bloody upsettting - I know this because I used to live next door to an alcoholic who liked to play brass band music at 3.00am NOW that is a problem.

Let it be and like I said you think about your noise when it is the dead of the night and your new baby is crying.

I can hear the baby next door cry and it wakes me up sometimes but hey! that's the way it goes when you live in close proximity to others.

I don't know any men in their 30's that call their Mums 'Mummy' but there you go.

As for holding the party at her home, wouldn't that be easier than expecting his friends to travel 300 miles to where he now lives?

I think finding something upsetting and not saying anything about it, despite being asked to in advance is very childish/childlike.
Maybe OP could have told a grown up.

I think OP is sleeping now

It's horrible being kept awake and then feeling tired, truly horrible.
But sometimes, it's one of those things. If these people are good neighbours most of the time, and you need thier goodwill over your kids crying , banging round the house at 5.30 at wekends etc, then just wish them a HNY when they return, and perhaps ask them to let you KNOW when a late loud party is planned, so that you can go elsewhere for the night if yu feel strongly.

OP, YANBU imho.

The problem is that the person having the party and their guests are not your neighbours, so have little incentive to treat you well.

His parents, on the other hand, have the power to prevent this happening again.

FWIW, when the tenants in the house we share a wall with regularly threw parties and we complained, they gave us two mobile numbers and invited us to ring if we were bothered again.

Next party, we duly rang in the small hours when the noise was keeping us awake. To find that both phones were switched off.

So I did go and knock on the door, and they turned the music down. But they were our neighbours, not somebody we had no relationship with.

Good luck raising it with your neighbours when they get back.

YANBU.

My parents have a big detached house in a big plot, but if they lent it to me for a party and I had music banging until 4am then I would rightly expect a bollocking. If you behave like a teenager then you deserve to be treated like one.
Of course the situation wouldn't arise, because I'm an adult and have my own home to have parties in.
Find it v.weird that he was having a party there at all, presumably he didn't want to upset his own neighbours that he has to live next to for the other 364 days of the year.

Completely agree that going round there at 1am isn't really an option. Clearly the parents have no idea what kind of party he was planning to have - I would certainly be putting them in the picture pretty swiftly.

"Find it v.weird that he was having a party there at all, presumably he didn't want to upset his own neighbours that he has to live next to for the other 364 days of the year."

Or perhaps since he's moved 300 miles away, he'd quite like to spend NYE with his childhood friends?

An orgy would have no bearing at all on whether it was advisable to go around there.

YABU

mutznuts - if he wanted to spend time with his friends why not go to one of their houses (assuming similar age to him). He held the party last year, must be someone elses turn by now. Or are their parents/partners too sensible to have a party like this at their own home.

Wonder if he'd be having the party there if his parents were at home. And if he did do you think they'd have been happy to have it go on loudly till 4am without a thought for their neighbours? I doubt it (given they warned OP of party and told to phone if issue but also said ds was decent kind therefore most likely expecting him to behave reasonably in their home with tehir neighbours) so why is it ok to do it when they're not there...

I don't know if it's been said but I am usually passive aggressive about these things, if assertiveness fails.

I go round when it's happening, after say half an hour of unpalatable noise, and sak politely if they can turn it down and make sure they know our situation (eg I have an ill child, or a young baby etc).

Usually people do.
Then usually it goes up again - espec if it's youngsters, as someone didn't realise I'd been round already and whacks it up again.

If this happens I get a rubber mallet and bang on the wall.

If this too fails I call the council noise helpline (open at night) or the police.

Then in the morning I make as much noise as is feasible without appearing to do it deliberately.
I'm talking screaming children, cornet practise, drilling, you get the picture. From about 8am.

Luckily our neighbours here are great and only have about one or two parties a year. we used to have students, I won't go into that.

YANBU. I hope you went round bright and early this morning and hammered on their door to wish them a happy new year then put on some awful kids music full blast.

"As for holding the party at her home, wouldn't that be easier than expecting his friends to travel 300 miles to where he now lives?"

Yes, but one wonders if the friends could not rotate venue so he is not the one holding the party every year... Do none of them own their own place ?

OP could ask how many years he has invited his friends around. If it has been 5 plus then no doubt nobody has actually complained hence giving his parents the impression he is a 'quiet soul' when he (or maybe his friends if he doesn't put his foot down) are clearly bloody noisy, and selfish with it.

"To find that both phones were switched off."

Yes, an easy option, as is unplugging the phone (or simply not hearing it if there aren't extensions all around the house).

I was happy to sleep most of the night, though some fireworks did wake me, probably briefly. If I had not been up until 5, 6, or 7am each day for most of the previous week I might have watched the fireworks from the comfort (and warmth) of home.

Didn't hear the alerts for new text messages (phones were not near me while sleeping. Had considered sending some texts but know from previous times that some (who use phone instead of an alarm clock) now charge their phones overnight and getting a text at 7am may have annoyed quite a few if they had a late night.

"4.00am is not unreasonable for a good party."

Where do you live (city at a guess) ?

Just so I know where not to live...

With shift work and essential services staff needing their sleep, it seems quite unreasonable to be making sufficient noise to keep others awake for hours.

Similarly I found it quite staggering that the local taxi drivers have been simply beeping their horns (not ringing/ knocking a door when they have a collection from a home) for the past 20 years I've lived in this area. Some taxi drivers work nights - why don't they think of the people other than the householder they are collecting who will also hear that horn (or be woken by that horn). Laziness and thoughtlessness I guess. When I lived in Sussex a taxi driver would definitely come to the house and not just sit in his car.

Network taxi drivers where I live do that too, it drives me bonkers. It's so embarrassing when the taxi driver who has come to pick you up at some ungodly hour like 5am beeps his horn. You've got my number, if you're too lazy to ring the doorbell, please phone me rather than disturbing all my lovely neighbours. Grrrrr.

I'm amazed at how completely fucking inconsiderate so many people are here, tbh. How people are expected to have their lives seriously affected by a neighbour's noise and just put up with it.

Or 'Oh, it's NYE, so it's okay'.

Talk to them face to face when they get back

YANBU at all!

I would not mention it at all until next year (or only refer to it casually, not complain). You say you're pg - you don't know what your next child is going to be like - if s/he turns out to be a seriously committed crier then at the moment you have the moral high ground - if you have suffered but not complained as such. If you complain then from then on every time your kids make a noise that annoys them they'll be saying 'bloody cheek' to themselves because you complained about their once a year party.

Hearing babies crying and hearing parties really does go with the territory in a terraced house and once a year is really something you ought to be able to take in your stride. That's regardless of whether or not the party host was behaving reasonably, really.

I'd keep the high ground by either appearing not to suffer, or by appearing to take your suffering on the chin and cope with it. Think of it as an investment for the future! Complaining instantly puts you on the back foot for any noise coming from your side in the future.

gillybean2 Sat 01-Jan-11 12:50:01
mutznuts - if he wanted to spend time with his friends why not go to one of their houses (assuming similar age to him). He held the party last year, must be someone elses turn by now. Or are their parents/partners too sensible to have a party like this at their own home.

OMG lol I wouldn't dream of thinking like that unless I was paying my neighbour's mortgage!!

Grand scheme of things 1 NYE party this year and 1 last year...take them out and shoot them

NYE or not 4am is too late and it was too loud.

i have a neighbour who is lucky enough to have a housing association flat which she only uses as a base for when she goes drinking. She's at her mums (who on the quiet has her child most of the time) the rest of the time.

So she goes out drinking, comes home and racks the music up... it's 2-3times a year but I work shifts, my other neighbour is a driver and gets up at 5am every morning and she doesn't even confine it to the weekends. In addition to the music is the singing, shouting, banging, etc... she also has a DELIGHTFUL partner who kicks doors in and shouts things like 'YOU F**KING W&NKER'.

My advice... never, ever, ever approach these people - just ring the police if it looks like it's getting out of control and then the next day deal with whoever owns the house because in my experience the people who act like this usually are renting.

I tell you why... on one notable occasion my lovely neighbour came home and the music was particularly loud, the shouting and tirade of abuse particularly loud and was accompanied by bangs and breaking glass (this flat is in a BLOCK of flats BTW!) and then the fire brigade linked fire alarm sounded... then stopped... 30 mins later all quiet (I found out the next day that they were actually having a fist fight in the road round the corner and the police came out).
I was a little concerned about the fire alarm - thought it have been damaged so I contacted the owner of the flats who had already heard and had someone on way out to it. End of... or so I thought until my son's summer house was maliciously damaged and about 2 weeks later I was watering the garden, they spotted me and her lovely boyfriend started talking about how he owns shotguns and has special bullets for 'bitches'.

ONE phone call sparked that - one phone re: a damaged fire alarm that had already been reported.

Never approach them ever... I ring the police these days and you know what it's happened 3 times since and when I've called the non-emergency number EVERYTIME they are already enroute so I'm obviously not the only one who thinks like that!

Tell his parents that he is 'not a quiet soul', that you have been reasonable but that other neighbours may not be and I would suggest to them that it may well be NYE but people still work and the police could have been called.

Rant over... selfish prig that he is!

YANBU for feeling annoyed, but you shoud really have either

• warned the "quiet" son before-hand that the previous years party had kept you awake and that you would appreciate it if he kept the noise down

• gone round at 2 or whatever and asked them to turn it down

• rung the police if you thought the party-goers were as scary as some people on here think

But YADBU if you think your neighbours haven't heard your kids. We live in a terraced house with thick walls and we can all hear each others children. Especially in the dead of the night or early morning. But I do not think that the party was revenge for this as the son doesn't live there.