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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my neighbours should NOT have had a NYE party?

248 replies

wolfhound · 01/01/2011 09:14

We live in a terrace. Our neighbours (a lovely couple whom we get on with) went away for New Year. Their son (in his 30s, lives 300 miles away) had a party in their house (with their permission). Thumping loud music till 4am.

We have a 3yo, a 1yo and I'm pg. Party woke up 1yo twice, we got no sleep, and then up at 5.30am with kids.

I realise that many people will feel it's only one night a year. But it's our night too. We wanted a quiet night in (after an exhausting Xmas hosting family) and then to have a nice family New Year's Day. I think that you shouldn't have loud parties if you've got shared walls (every room in our house borders theirs). Go out - there's plenty of places for the young & single to go.

Am thinking of how to make it clear to parents that it was too much for us, and shouldn't be repeated (same happened last year but we didn't complain because we'd just moved in & didn't want to sour relationship). Still, obviously, want to keep good relationship with them, and I know they adore their son & think he can do no wrong, so got to be carefully worded.

Wondering how many people think we are justified, and how many not. My first AIBU post, so donning thick skin now...

OP posts:
Goblinchild · 01/01/2011 20:40

So how would all the YANBU posters feel if the neighbours decide to complain every time the OP's children are excessively noisy.
For the next two decades?
Every time there is a prolonged tantrum, screaming at bedtime, loud playing, if they all take up the drums or the violin or God Save Us the recorder, teenage rumbles?
OK.

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 20:43

I think the number of children who stay up all night making noise on that level is very small, Goblin.

If you look at most tenancy agreements, they make allowances for 'reasonable noise', such as children or DIY at normal hours.

Getting pissed with your mates at your mum and dad's house and cranking up the bass all night isn't a necessity.

undercovasanta · 01/01/2011 20:45

YANBU to be annoyed and pissed off, but it is only once a year, and if the neighbours are usually nice and considerate, then I would let it slide.

My neighbour's teenage son (who lives with them) used to play music VERY loudly every time his parents went out. I agonised over whether to say anything, and didn't in the end as it wasn't ruining our life or anything! I'm glad I didn't now, as he's grown up to be a lovely man, who is a helpful and considerate neighbour. My neighbours are lovely and always go out of their way for us. I like to think we do the same for them.

Also, I don't feel so bad when I my children have screaming tantrums which I just know they can hear next door.

Goblinchild · 01/01/2011 20:48

'I think the number of children who stay up all night making noise on that level is very small, Goblin.'

I wasn't meaning a formal complaint, just a constant stream of grumpiness at being woken early in the morning, disturbed in the night, unable to enjoy the telly because of next door hideously noisy children...
I'm glad I moved house, although I didn't complain. I just put up with living next door to a family with adifferent lifestyle to ours.

mayorquimby · 01/01/2011 20:50

yabu.
It's a nye party, it happens once a year.
Do you ever plan on having a party in your house or allowing your kids to have parties when they hit their teens?

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 20:50

We've moved well over 5 times due to fuck off inconsiderate loud partiers for neighbours.

I hope they all rot, I really do, for making our lives so miserable.

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 20:51

'Do you ever plan on having a party in your house or allowing your kids to have parties when they hit their teens?'

That goes on all night? No.

mayorquimby · 01/01/2011 20:57

well people seem to be suggesting that anything past midnight is unacceptable.
Surely at some point everyone has had a party that goes on past say 1 o clock? If you have kids your going to have 18ths and 21st in the family home which won't end early.

sarah293 · 01/01/2011 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 21:02

'Surely at some point everyone has had a party that goes on past say 1 o clock? If you have kids your going to have 18ths and 21st in the family home which won't end early.'

Nope. They're having it in the village hall because I don't want to hear loud teens all night and I doubt anyone else wants to, either.

And nope. Used to drink like a fish. Nearly every night. Never once put out my neighbours by partying after 1AM or that.

Namely because I lived in a place where you get big fines for htat, even the once, your landlord can evict you or you could even go to jail.

Because no one wants to listen to loud drunks unless they chose to live next to a pub or club.

upahill · 01/01/2011 21:04

But it didn't go on all night did it. It went on to 4.00am.

Which is excatly the same as the parties I used to go to ( and thinking about it the NYE party I left last year at 3.00am was still in full swing as we got our coats on.

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 21:07

4am is pretty close to all night, imo. what's your definition?

when my neighbour was having a rave at 4AM, the cops seemed to think that was unacceptable.

swanandduck · 01/01/2011 21:08

YANBU. A thirty year old coming back to mummy and daddy's house and throwing a big loud noisy party??? Does he still get pocket money and have his mum leave labelled dinners in his freezer so he won't starve? He sounds like a twat and the parents need to wake up and realise he is a grown up who should treat their neighbours with a bit of consideration when he comes to stay.

mayorquimby · 01/01/2011 21:09

Fair enough, different strokes and all that.
FWIW someone having a party next door to me wouldn't bother me if it is a once a year/once in a while thing. I didn't do anything for NYE last night but there was a party next door that was still going when I went to bed at about 3.30/4. I just think of it as one of those things.

perfectstorm · 01/01/2011 21:16

I do think YABU, tbh. It's NYE, and I would call 4 am reasonable as a one-off, annual event.

Bastards near us, random weekdays, threw parties where the music went on till 8 or so. Was horrendous - noise pollution would turn up, music go down, then within 15 minutes right up again. I have nothing against drum'n'base, jungle, industrial speed garage - even bongo drums have their place - but in a terraced street from 10pm to 8 am? My head would be splitting by morning. Thank god this was pre-kids.

SylvanianFamily · 01/01/2011 21:19

For fecks sake, don't email . 100% guaranteed to land like a turd in their inbox.

The deed is done. Be patient. Wait until you see either the son or the neighbours. Wish them a happy new year. Maybe then complain. watch their body language for how strongly to phrase yourself. Use the praise sandwich. Mention how much you like having them as neighbours, slip in that the parties were a bit ott, then make a joke about how you hope the boot won't be on the other foot when your dcs are teens. then sit back and wait for the box of chocs on the doorstep.

chocolatesanta · 01/01/2011 21:33

YANBU - I'm not a 'boring cats bum' whatever that is Hmm...but having fun shouldn't mean disturbing folk at 4am. Go somewhere else where your 'fun' doesn't impact other people.

I think some of you are confused - considerate doesn't = boring, and equally inconsiderate doesn't = exciting and fun. Inconsiderate is just plain old inconsiderate. End of.

You have my sympathy OP - and you should mention to your neighbours.

This attitude of 'entitlement' to do wtf you like regardless of the consequences on others is revolting.

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 21:39

Well said, chocolate!

I had loads of fun, shagging around and getting drunk.

Never ever saw where that entitled me to disturb other people in my apartment building or someone else's. Went to bars, clubs and warehouse parties in the arse end of nowhere or some industrial complex with no residences.

But again, I also knew that, where I was, it meant serious consequences.

upahill · 01/01/2011 21:41

Expat I would say when it was getting to 8.00am like it used to happen when I lived next door to the pissed neighbour and his maniac friends!!

This is why I am tolarant to an occasional party after suffering years on a daily basis one offs seem a walk in the park to me!!!

All these comments about being mummy's boy are a bit pathetic. Liek others have pointed out earlier in the thread we don't know the exact circumstances why he has come home. It could be catching up with friends and relatives as he lives quite away away.

like I said earlier I understand the OP being grumpy and upset but it was a once a year thing and her kids I'm sure (like I'm sure mine were and everyone elses ) can be bloody annoying to people who haven't got small children all year round.

I would be grumpy too, I admit that, but hell it isn't worth complaing about later.

southeastastra · 01/01/2011 21:43

is this thread really moaning about a ny party that ended at 4am??

RudolfThePinkNosedReindeer · 01/01/2011 21:44

I don't see why this has to be so polarised - of course it's not ok to have an attitude of being entitled to do whatever you want, regardless of how it impacts on others. But this was a one-off, and the window of opportunity to speak to the neighbour about it was before 4am this morning. Assuming their son doesn't have these parties every week, or even every month, just let it go. If you've got a good relationship with your neighbours, it's not worth jeopardising and there's absolutely nothing that can be done about it now anyway.

moondog · 01/01/2011 21:44

I like this Perfect, partic. the last bit.
Grin

'I have nothing against drum'n'base, jungle, industrial speed garage - even bongo drums have their place'

moondog · 01/01/2011 21:44

I like this Perfect, partic. the last bit.
Grin

'I have nothing against drum'n'base, jungle, industrial speed garage - even bongo drums have their place'

expatinscotland · 01/01/2011 21:45

Oh, the last neighbour downstairs would use speed, upahill. A lot. So he'd be up all night. A good night when when he shot heroin instead. Eventually, that cost him his life. Oh, well.

chocolatesanta · 01/01/2011 21:50

So, had my neighbours decided to party loudly until 4am - my kids would have been disturbed and so would I.

Today would have been write off as my kids don't function too well when they're tired. Why should my time in my home be fucked up by other people?

If you want to party go to a pub, club whatever, but don't impose it on your neighbours.

It is revolting - I don't care if it's NYE or whatever, my home is where I & my children should be able to sleep undisturbed at night.

And if that makes me boring or uncool I don't give a fuck. Frankly.