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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my neighbours should NOT have had a NYE party?

248 replies

wolfhound · 01/01/2011 09:14

We live in a terrace. Our neighbours (a lovely couple whom we get on with) went away for New Year. Their son (in his 30s, lives 300 miles away) had a party in their house (with their permission). Thumping loud music till 4am.

We have a 3yo, a 1yo and I'm pg. Party woke up 1yo twice, we got no sleep, and then up at 5.30am with kids.

I realise that many people will feel it's only one night a year. But it's our night too. We wanted a quiet night in (after an exhausting Xmas hosting family) and then to have a nice family New Year's Day. I think that you shouldn't have loud parties if you've got shared walls (every room in our house borders theirs). Go out - there's plenty of places for the young & single to go.

Am thinking of how to make it clear to parents that it was too much for us, and shouldn't be repeated (same happened last year but we didn't complain because we'd just moved in & didn't want to sour relationship). Still, obviously, want to keep good relationship with them, and I know they adore their son & think he can do no wrong, so got to be carefully worded.

Wondering how many people think we are justified, and how many not. My first AIBU post, so donning thick skin now...

OP posts:

tyler80 · 01/01/2011 11:09

Ear plugs do nothing for loud bass because it's a vibration rather than a noise iyswim

ifancyashandy · 01/01/2011 11:09

My neighbours are still going for it! I live above them in a small, quiet block of flats and can still hear them talking / laughing loudly now.

Yes I slept with ear plugs in and yes it was annoying when their music woke me at 7am but it was nothing that a quick thump on the floor couldn't sort !

It's once a year. And I shall be putting the hoover on for a very very long time when the last straggler staggers off!

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 01/01/2011 11:13

I used to work nights - I used ear plugs for during the day when there was a lot of noise outside (lived next door to the school so had parents dropping off children morning and afternoon)

thing is it wasnt a complete stranger - the OP's neighbours had told her to call if it got too noisy - presumably they know their DS well enough to know whether it would get violent. And believe it or not most parties are't full of violent drunk people.

theevildead2 · 01/01/2011 11:15

Goblinchild and it should always be her home when she needs it. But do you really think having wild parties in your house is cool when you aren't away and is quite the same? Most parents don't.

I bet if the parents were around they would not have been happy to have loads of people in their home making noise, and pissing off the neighbours.

charliesmommy · 01/01/2011 11:16

with terraced walls, what you think is fairly quiet music in the room, probably seems a lot louder on the other side of the wall.. the neighbour probably didnt even realise you would be able to hear it and you cant really moan unless you have asked for it to be turned down and your request was ignored...

SugarMousePink · 01/01/2011 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tarenath · 01/01/2011 11:17

YANBU
We live next door to a social club, and while there was shouting and general merriment until about 3am, it wasn't enough to keep us awake, or wake up our kids.

I also don't blame you for not going round there to ask them to keep it down. I remember a similar incident when I was at uni. I had an exam the following morning and asked the kids outside to keep it down at about 1am. I got an earful of abuse and MORE noise for my trouble!

Goblinchild · 01/01/2011 11:19

Wild parties?
I thought we were talking about music. What else has OP said that makes others feel it was a wild, dangerous and druggie do?

Our neighbour came round in the summer and asked OH to turn down the music, because it was spoiling her enjoyment of his garden in the evening.
I suppose the fact that it was Handel meant it wasn't linked to a party, but musicians can be a wild bunch. Even classical ones.

taintedsnow · 01/01/2011 11:20

If this happened every weekend, I would say YANBU.

But it was NYE, it happens once a year, so YABU.

If you're not a partygoer, the noise is annoying, but it's not unexpected really, given the date. I have sympathy, but if you confront the neighbours, they may humour you by sympathising, but I doubt they'll actually give weight to what you're saying, because it's nowhere near a regular occurance. And if you really wanted to make a complaint about it, you should've dealt with it at the time I think.

I think you have to let this one go, IMO it would be ridiculous to make a fuss now.

charliesmommy · 01/01/2011 11:20

I havent read anything by the Op about loads of people or a wild party.. just noisy music..

most of my MIL's (normally very quiet) road was kept awake all night by a party last night that spilled into the road at midnight, the police were called as teens were screaming and fighting in the front garden of the house.. police told everyone to go home... and until 4am there were drunk and noisy people wandering up and down the road, yelling at each other any car that drove past..

spidookly · 01/01/2011 11:21

No adult "needs" their parents' home for a party.

If I ever treated my parents' neighbours with that lack of consideration they would be (rightly) ashamed of me.

Their home is where I grew up and I do think of it as "home" in ways, but it is not where I live now, their neighbours are not the people who lived there when I did. They are not in any sense my neighbours, because the reality of the situation is that I have my own home now that I've grown up and moved away.

This family just spent a sleepless night next door to loud, unruly, drunk and possibly drugged up strangers and felt intimidated.

That is not cool.

If you would truly let an adult child have all all-night party next door to a family they didn't know with small
children in your home while you were out, then you are a dick.

Lulumaam · 01/01/2011 11:21

I can't believe people are saying that terrace houses are not suitable for parties!! So you should only have a party in a detached house, probably in a field, with no neighbours for miles!!!!!

ridiculous

the OP should have complained at 1 am, as has been said

you cannot get the arse about people having parties on NYE.. it's kind of what happens

yes, 4 am is too late and too loud, but the neighbours had told you to let them know if it was too much

mutznutz · 01/01/2011 11:23

The thing is, if people are too scared to knock and ask a civil question like 'I have children, do you think you could turn it down a little please'...then how can you be annoyed afterwards? Like someone said, no all parties are full of drunken violent people. Some of them are quite reasonable and considering this wasn't a house full of teenage thugs....

sarah293 · 01/01/2011 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

charliesmommy · 01/01/2011 11:24

"This family just spent a sleepless night next door to loud, unruly, drunk and possibly drugged up strangers and felt intimidated".

where on earth does the Op say ANY of that?

mutznutz · 01/01/2011 11:25

This family just spent a sleepless night next door to loud, unruly, drunk and possibly drugged up strangers and felt intimidated

Lmao!! Were you at the party then? Cos all the OP has said is the music was too loud

mutznutz · 01/01/2011 11:26

Oh Charliesmommy...get out of my head!! Lol

charliesmommy · 01/01/2011 11:28

lol!!

theevildead2 · 01/01/2011 11:29

He knew children lived next door. He knew it was 4 am. Her going over there probably wasn't going to make him more aware was it?

He is an adult,... why does everyone think it is ok to act like a wanker unless told not to?

Goblinchild · 01/01/2011 11:30

'This family just spent a sleepless night next door to loud, unruly, drunk and possibly drugged up strangers and felt intimidated. '

I must be reading someone else's posts then, the OP only mentioned music being too loud.
The rest is just monsters in the night fears.

Laquitar · 01/01/2011 11:31

OP (and others) you never have a party?? Birthday, NYE... never?
You think one party a year is so unreasonable?

You don't even work today. So you got no sleep on NYE, shocking. Nobody slept in our street (and it is a good, quite street mainly with families). We 'll all survive.

mutznutz · 01/01/2011 11:32

So having a NYE party makes him a wanker? One thing we're forgetting here is that people have very different thresholds when it comes to noise disturbance. What one person deems loud, another may not and will often sleep through - therefore, we have no idea exactly how 'loud' the music was do we? And nor does the poor 'wanker' having the party as no-one knocked to tell him it was disturbing their children.

tyler80 · 01/01/2011 11:33

theevildead2 I'd tend to agree that I'd assume that reasonable people that would react well to turning music down wouldn't cause such a disturbance in the first place.

Although pleasantly surprised to find that some people are just thick, and don't realise that playing an electric guitar (badly) plugged into an amp might disturb the neighbours until they are told. But I do think it's very unneighbourly to cause a nuisance that forces people into going round and complaining.

And I still think that neighbours playing music loud enough that you can't watch a dvd in your own house (as our neighbours have done) is not acceptable at any time, New Years Eve or not.

spidookly · 01/01/2011 11:34

Yes, lots of people are not violent. Some are.

How do you decide whether people are likely to be violent?

Based on your knowledge of their character and previous behaviour.

Why doesn't that apply here?

Because the op has no relationship with either the host of the party or any of the guests.

Loud - the op couldn't sleep

unruly - playing loud music until 4am, previous form on shouting obscenities late at night

drunk - um... does anyone really think they were sober

drugs - always a possibility, worth bearing in mind when deciding whether to complain to a crowd of strangers

sarah293 · 01/01/2011 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

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