To think it is wrong for a surrogate to have a child for two men?

[Extremelychocolatey]

The men in question are Elton John and David Furnish.

link

It feels wrong on so many levels.

I think they will give the baby a good life and alot of love

I also think they tried to adopt, but could not, hence surrogate

far more bothered about crack heads having their sixth babies to be honest

They are in the fabulous position of being rich enough to pay for all the help they need and of having enough friends to supply whatever they can't for their son (ie female influence and so on) so their son has a much better chance in life than many, and is clearly deeply wanted and loved. What a great start! My only misgiving is the same as it would be for any surrogacy situation - that in a way it always seems a shame when there are kids in care etc waiting to be adopted. But I know also it's not as straightforward as that. So let's be happy that a couple who evidently wanted to be parents now have a child to love.

Lenin yes, point taken - I think I was really thinking of situations where it might be possible for more than 2 people to have parental responsibility, but the UK has gone a long way down the road in this regard. Other jurisdictions (like the one I live in) still have a very long way to go...

well here the Law Reform Commission has just recommended that civil partners (Act just going through effective as of midnight tonight!) be allow to apply for legal guardianship where they are already acting in loco parentis. How quickly that will become law (if at all) is anyone's guess. But I think it will be some time before I will be able to adopt her (she is being an overtired, bored nightmare at the mo...)

But CP will at least mean that DP will be OK if anything happens to me, which is a massive relief, as I am currently the sole earner in our household, pay massive amounts into a pension fund that previously I couldn't benefit from (not married, not legally a parent).

Sorry: hijack. Skip to the interesting bits

I've not read this through, but my two penny is as follows:

No child asked to be brought into this world, and if they'd adopted from an orphanage, I would have said how lovely, to be able to provide the child with love and stability.

However, to choose to bring a child into this world without a mother and at 48 and 63 is in my opinion selfish.

I am not homophobic, but given the choice, I think it is better to have both a loving mother and father.

I have now read some of the previous comments, and whilst I am not as articulate as swanandduck, I wholeheartedly agree with her sentiments:

deliberately engineering situations where a child will have a very high chance of being orphaned within a few years because his parents are in their sixties or seventies, or deliberately bringing a child into the world who will never know a mother is wrong.

DF is only 48!

I always wonder why people suddenly decide late on life that they want a child. If they really, really, REALLY wanted a child, why wait so long? If they had been younger, then they could have adopted. I feel suspicious that the adoption system, which I assume has much research etc. behind it, won't allow them to be parents (because of age I assume). Of course they should have a choice, but I don't have to condone the decision they've made.

Well my surrogate has been here today for a visit and thinks it's wonderful that they have this opportunity to have their own child. You will never understand surrogacy unless or until you walk in my shoes or hers.
She pointed out (again) that children born to surrogates are not unwanted, are not "given away" are not sold or bought - they are conceived and born to be the child of the intended parents.

Merry marigold - maybe Elton only realised last year how much he infact wanted a child, after he tried to adopt.
COmments about adoption, my social worker (yes I had to have one and dd had a guardian ad litem until she was 7 mths old - I am sure aforementioned skanks and drug raddled people don't always get this joy) said she didn't understand why we did this instead of adopting.

WOuld you rather have a child that was related to at least 1 of you and yours from conception or go thru adoption GIVEN the choice? I was GIVEN the choice, my surrogate offered to do this, a moderate amount of UK surrogacy arrangements are friends or relatives by the way, not arranged thru agencies.

Adoption is not for everyone, I never had to seriously think about it as I was made this offer before we had got to that point. I think I would have done it, but would I have got my totally normal family life like anyone elses? I don't know.

Also though, why SHOULD only friends and relatives have surrogate babies??

12 just before Xmas - funny story, she got "At last you are a teenager - happy 13th birthday" card from her LOL
Oh and she always sends it early cos she can't remember the date

I ilke your point, QOD, about EJ realising how much we wanted to be a father, after the failed adoption.
I have heard many times, and read on MN threads of situations where someone has an unplanned pregnancy, and loses the baby. It is extremely sad to read of the guilt they feel as until the blue line appeared, they didn't intend to fall pregnant, and this invariably adds to anguish. More often than not though, you hear that as soon as is healthily possible, they TTC. They are not trying to replace their dear baby; But want to commit to all the dreams, hope and love they then realise is there to be made in becoming a parent. Having had a mere taste of potentially being a parent, must magnify that hope of one day fullfilling that dream.

yup eggsactly!

Given that Elton John is loaded to fuck, I think that any child of his is pretty much guarenteed a fantastic life. A far nicer more pleasurable and happier life than that of many of the children of those who chose to criticise him.
Lucky baby! I wish their family all the best. Congratulations Sir Elton!

What a load of old shite written here! Anyone who deliberately denies a child the right to have a mother is not only immoral but criminal!

These two old gays could not have children in the good old fashioned way so they bought one, simples innit?

As I've said before just because you can do something and have money, does not make it right.
What will happen when the poor boy asks where's my mummy? Well sorry.... she sold her eggs so your old dad of 73 could have you, Elton by then being an old fart, with a young boy of ten.

Money does not bring happiness. A fantastic life? PLease....being brought up by petulant, self obsessed old man hardly!

You homophobic loser, mycounty. You can't see past the fact that Elton is gay! For me, that does not even feature in the equation of 'judginess'. Elton is more than equipped to raise the baby sucessfully. His husband will doubtless live for many more years. How hateful it must be to be you, mycounty.

Halftermhero. I'm not homophobic. It is cruel and selfish to raise a child deliberately without a mother. Are you cruel and selfish is that why you agree with this monstrous debacle?

David Furnish is not his husband! How can he be his 'husband?' When Elton John is a man? John and Furnish had a civil partnership. Making them 'civil partners!'.

It's not 'hateful to be me' in fact it's quite refreshing! As I know that the majority of this country agree with my sentiments.

Don't get me wrong I don't disagree with surrogacy. If two people wish to use a surrograte as a carrier for their own embryos fine. People who deny a child the right to a mother or a father, because they wish to have children, and have no other avenue other than to go to California and buy eggs IMO are morally vacant.
Sugarmousepink. I'm no bigot, in fact you are, in wanting at any cost for these two to have a child without a mother at any cost. Bigoted in your views.
If people disagree with this monstruous set-up they are bigots, hardly, just speaikng up for the majority.

Why is it that everyone assumes having a bucketload of money = happiness. I am sure so much money is likely to bring on an early drug habit / alcoholism. Anyway, sticking to the issues at hand.

My objection to the EJ/DF situation is on the grounds that having children is a privilege and not a right. The life of a child is extremely precious and having and bringing up a child is by far the most important job a person can do. With this in mind how can EJ/DF explain to the child, if it ever asks the question, how did I come into this world? Who is my mother? I can't see that the concept of having a surrogate mother is an easy one for the child to understand and IMO I am not sure it is entirely fair on them.

In general, it is not the fact that they are gay but more that I disagree with surrogacy.

Dittany - I would like to ask you a quick question. Do you hold any opinions that do not come back to your central thesis that we live in a mysogynistic society?