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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really HATE my daughters Christmas presents and think they are really shit?

218 replies

TotorosOcarnina · 26/12/2010 21:34

Shes 2.

She got from family members (who must have conspired together ...)

A play kitchen
A play iron
a play kettle
a play micrwave
a play hetty hoover
play food to cook.

Ermmm just because shes female she gets cleaning and domestic appliances for xmas??

My boys didn't get anything like this... ever!! So why because shes a girl has she got all this crap??

Why would she want to pretend to iron?! or pretend t warm up a tin of beans?!

Am baffled!

OP posts:
PortlyBlackSantaUpAChimney · 27/12/2010 11:51

I agree with Hec - I do think most people on here are missing the point.

larrygrylls · 27/12/2010 11:54

Portly,

Not missing the point but thinking that, in a world where a lot of children get NO toys at all (and our 5 week old spent Christmas in hospital (luckily out now)), it is an extremely petty thing to be worried about and shows a spoiled mindset. I am sure St George's, Tooting would love the donation of those toys to give to some sick and deprived children over the Christmas period.

snowyweather · 27/12/2010 12:00

We got our DS play kitchen, play food and play plates and he loves them. I would not think anything of giving such a gift to either sex. However, I can see how if all the gifts were about housework then yes that is out of order.

PortlyBlackSantaUpAChimney · 27/12/2010 12:01

But that's missing the point too - although it is an excellent point in it's own right. The 'get a grip because there's folk worse off than you' argument will kill any debate on any thread surely.

I'm surprised that on a website for women, more of you don't find it outrageous that the family got these things for the girl and not the boys. It's a bit shitty.

Chandon · 27/12/2010 12:08

any 2 yr old would love that.

My DS got most of that when he (HE!) was 2, it is dream stuff for toddlers, boys or girls.

YABU

Chandon · 27/12/2010 12:10

any of you who get het up about this, do you think that domestic stuff is somehow demeaning,or inferior? If so, why? Is it inferior because it has always been the woman's domain? Is stuff that women have traditionally done inferior? Is cooking inferior to working in an office? Is it?

TheHoneydragonsInTheIvy · 27/12/2010 12:13

Portly that's off point too the op wants to know if the presents are shit - they are not.

I do think the theme was taken too far with the addition of a ironing board, microwave and Hoover - but I dont think the presents are shit and I don't think the ops dd was presented with crap.

My Ds was bought a tool bench and lawnmower for Xmas one year should I have denounced it crap that he got these as it is encouraging him to believe women cant have tools? No I do household maintenance as does his father - he got the tools as gifts and his father and I purchased his kitchen and pram.

The op is making a very amid point that is a separate point on gender ascription to toys but the op is bu to call the toys shit. Although I think the op herself earlier did acknowledge that was a little outof order and Xmas combined with hormones is a little excusable Grin

TheHoneydragonsInTheIvy · 27/12/2010 12:14

Amid - valid
Flipping autocorrect phone!

PortlyBlackSantaUpAChimney · 27/12/2010 12:17

Domestic stuff is pretty dull and repetitive and can feel a pretty thankless task at times. Probably why it has been given to women to do rather than men in the past. Rather than it being demeaning because it's woman's work it's more the other way round.

Vacuuming, dusting, Washing pots etc. have to be done to keep the house clean, germ free and liveable in. But i wouldn't say it's ever really a pleasure is it?

Does anyone find these things pleasurable Confused?? Maybe that's why it seems such a strange set of presents to me.

GrimmaTheNome · 27/12/2010 12:19

YANBU - ITA with Hec.

My other objection to this stuff is that it is indeed crap - useless. I did get my DD a certain amount of 'domestic' items - broom/dustpan set that she could actually use to clean her playhouse. Mini rolling pin etc which she could use with me to do baking.

Don't worry, you can balance it up later. Just make sure your DSs as well as your DD learn to cook, clean, iron etc for real.

GrimmaTheNome · 27/12/2010 12:20

(BTW, child size garden broom is the perfect implement for cleaning snow off car roof. Try doing that with a plastic hoover Grin)

PortlyBlackSantaUpAChimney · 27/12/2010 12:21

Ah yes now proper baking sets for children are fab!

Laquitar · 27/12/2010 13:42

Portly i think OP got this response because she said that the presents were 'shit' and 'why a child would like to pretend to heat a tin of baked beans'. (it is pretend play and good for co-ordination, it is not evil)

Also she said that her ds never got any of these toys. I guess they didn't get them from family members but if OP is a feminist she could have bought her ds one. We cant expect older family members to have the same views with us but as parents we can 'correct' some situations by adding some balance ourselves. The answer to the problem is not to ban girls from playing with a kitchen but encourage boys to do so aswell.

poshsinglemum · 27/12/2010 13:49

My dd loves her toy cooker, fairy outfit and toy make up. I do post under feminist topics although I have been scoffed at many a time!

tassisssss · 27/12/2010 13:49

We had most of these for our son. Then we had 2 daughters and they've all been big hits and played with loads (hoover least so, it's a henry like ours and when dd opened it she exclaimed "ooooh, just like Daddy's!!")

poshsinglemum · 27/12/2010 13:49

I did get her a Thomas railway too though!

masochismTangoer · 27/12/2010 13:59

I can see why you would be upset with that list but could it be a reaction to her having two brothers and the family assuming that there would be a lot of 'boy' toys round?

I have notice a strange tendency for parents and it they avoid it the wider family to go mad with girly things with third DC being a girl after two boys. Only noticed it with that combination of sexes and DC numbers - though obviously it could just be an anomaly in families I know.

Try suggesting things next year that she is interested in - say she is made for craft things or has her eye on something. If she is not playing with these items - put away, swap or get quietly rid as with any toy not used. DO keep a careful eye on what your family say to her. I have caught my IL and mother making comments to my DD and DS about roles and expectations that have made me Angry.

TeaOneSugar · 27/12/2010 14:00

My DD (7) got an ELC mop and bucket set, now that's crap. On opening it she read the age 3+ out loud and moved onto opening something else.

The person who bought it wasn't there btw.

It will be passed onto a younger relative, so it won't go to waste, but not a very thoughtful present.

TBH if she wants to mop she's more than welcome to have a go at the kitchen floor anytime.

mummyosaurus · 27/12/2010 14:02

My son got loads of play food and a tea set this year, for his cafe. I think take it back if she doesn't like but if you keep it don't be surprised if your boys start playing with it.

FrostyAndSlippery · 27/12/2010 14:04

Can't you just be grateful she got some presents...

I don't really like toys like that but I wouldn't kick up a fuss if somebody got DD (or DS) them as presents. That's just rude.

I don't see what harm they will do if a child has other stuff to play with too.

masochismTangoer · 27/12/2010 14:05

TeaOneSugar
TBH if she wants to mop she's more than welcome to have a go at the kitchen floor anytime.

Our DC are always in the kitchen getting the real pots and pans and ignoring any play ones same with the hover and brushes. They play one just do not cut it despite my protests.

I remember DD1 at a playgroup thinking the ironing board was a dolls bed - and the iron a phone. The comments I got about that - I did iron and do more now with them at school but they are in bed when I iron as can not cope with their desire to 'help'.

TeaOneSugar · 27/12/2010 14:38

Unfortunately my dd doesn't want to help with the cleaning very often (probably takes after me, I do it but it's not fun).

She's very tall for her age and would probably get back ache from a mop designed for a 3 year old.

IAmReallyFabNow · 27/12/2010 14:40

My son would have loved all that. he has had several kitchen appliances and still asks for kitcheny things now.

You sound ott angry and ungrateful.

Sometimes people will buy things that are seen as suitable for one sex. Big deal..

Triggles · 27/12/2010 14:44

OP said "My boys didn't get anything like this... ever!! "

So.... why not?? If it's so horrible that your girl is getting stereotyped girl toys, then why didn't you make sure your boys didn't just get stereotyped boys toys? You don't seem to worried about that....

Why is it that people only seem to get upset over girls being railroaded by "sexist/stereotypical toys" and not boys? Hmm

masochismTangoer · 27/12/2010 14:46

Sometimes people will buy things that are seen as suitable for one sex. Big deal..

I think OP is more worried about any underlying implications ie her DD is only fit to clean and can have no higher aspirations. They also show a poor fit to her DD actual interests - why buy presents that will not be used.

I was not happy when DD1 third birthday presents included make-up. We used it to draw pictures with Grin.