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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really HATE my daughters Christmas presents and think they are really shit?

218 replies

TotorosOcarnina · 26/12/2010 21:34

Shes 2.

She got from family members (who must have conspired together ...)

A play kitchen
A play iron
a play kettle
a play micrwave
a play hetty hoover
play food to cook.

Ermmm just because shes female she gets cleaning and domestic appliances for xmas??

My boys didn't get anything like this... ever!! So why because shes a girl has she got all this crap??

Why would she want to pretend to iron?! or pretend t warm up a tin of beans?!

Am baffled!

OP posts:
Earthakitten · 26/12/2010 23:18

I don't really understand how play food is supposed to be an example of gender stereotyping anyway? Because men don't eat? Confused

NormalityBites · 26/12/2010 23:18

YANBU I am dealing with an influx of Disney princess things that I heartily disapprove of, including high heeled shoes for a 4 year old Hmm From the same person, the boy got a toy car and a globe Hmm

DD hasn't a clue what a princess is and no ambitions to be one/dress like one. She likes making and mud. She has got a toy kitchen though. And a toy toolbench.

She hasn't a toy buggy though because she has never been in one and doesn't know what they are. She calls them 'trolleys' and puts any random item in them pretending to be at the shops Grin

melpomene · 26/12/2010 23:19

Toy kitchen - brilliant, for girls or boys. Lots of play value choosing to cook different types of food, and a social element involved with serving pretend meals to other people or toys.

Toy ironing board, washing machine or hoover - cannot see the point at all, just recreating drudgery and repetition. Zero scope for creativity and imagination. I really can't see how the play value would justify the bulkiness of that type of toy.

OP is NBU to object to that unbalanced selection of toys, if it's true the relatives agreed together to all buy that sort of thing.

Milliways · 26/12/2010 23:19

The Play Kitchen + food etc was the best present our DD ever had. It was literally played with EVERY day from when she was 2 until over 4, popular with visiting kids, DS then took it over & we passed it on to another family where it was played with by their 3.

Earthakitten · 26/12/2010 23:20

Normalitybites, my nephew loves princess aurelia!

TurkeyMartini · 26/12/2010 23:24

Loving all the people competitively pretending it's fine and that it's the op's fault if her dd feels gender role pressure from the toys, because sexism is in the eye of the beholder Xmas Hmm Xmas Grin

she had boys and NOBODY bought them any pretend domestic toys. Then she had a girl and suddenly EVERYBODY bought ONLY those toys.

Bonkers. Thank god for playdoh, eh op?

QuintMissesChristmasesPast · 26/12/2010 23:25

I would take the play iron and microwave back, it has spectacularly little play value. And exchange it with a play carpentry and doctor set. That would make a lovely balance of play.

The play kitchen, food and hoover is fun. The rest is shit.

I got that sort of stuff for my sons. To add to all the cars they always seemed to get.....

LionsAreScary · 26/12/2010 23:29

YABU. My boys have really enjoyed playing with their kitchen, kettle and food. They also love the pretend hoover at MILs house that she once bought for their Dad and his brothers. Copying adults and pretending is normal behaviour for a child that age, and these ordinary tasks are an important part of everyone's lives, whatever gender.

If she'd received an unrealistically slim but busty sparkly dress doll or 6 pairs of toddler high heels (as my friend's DD did last year), then I would better understand your complaint.

RockinRobinBird · 26/12/2010 23:31

Competitively pretending? Hmm. Ah ok, is that shorthand for "anyone who doesn't agree with me"?

It isn't a big deal, such a non issue but it's funny seeing people get steamed up about it. If the little girl is destined to a future of domestic drudgery just because she was bought a toy kitchen as a toddler then yes, that would bring the op's parenting into question. But I'm sure that the child, the op and the rest of society will survive it and her daughter will end up with a proper job.

NormalityBites · 26/12/2010 23:32

Just like what my DD got then LionsAreScary? Grin

LeakMyWiki · 26/12/2010 23:38

YANBU. Some dc like this stuff and some don't. My eldest dd loved it, my youngest does not at all. If your dd doesn't like these kind of domestic role play toys and your eldest sons were never bought the same toys I can completely see why you are Hmm

mippy · 26/12/2010 23:43

I hated dolls as a child, and I still think there's something very weird about small girls being given babies to play with. Babies are hard work! So is ironing!

I much preferred playing Post Office, though I still nagged for an A la Carte Kitchen.

clumsymumsnowdriftbaby · 26/12/2010 23:50

yanbu...if she had got one or two like this,and some 'making and doing' stuff to,then that would b e fine,
my dd (same age) loves stuff like that,but she also loves playdoh,painting,drawing,tigers and whale sharks...(random i know)Grin

take some back and exchange it,and write a list for next year!!!Grin

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 26/12/2010 23:51

Oooohhhhhhhhhh, you ungrateful madam, they're only TOYS.

It's not as if they got her a 'build a mummy shaped voodoo doll set' is it ??

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 26/12/2010 23:56

Weeeell, I get that the overarching theme is annoying, and Lord knows no-one has used an iron in this house since DH started sending his work shirts out, but if you're so concerned about gender stereotyping, why did you never give your sons any of these things? Or will your children be so fabulously wealthy they'll never have to do any domestic chores for themselves?

DD1 got a play kitchen for her 2nd birthday. Every child that came through the door, boy and girl, made a beeline for it, for years. It's completely knackered now, and my great regret is not buying a lovely wooden one that would have lasted longer - I might buy one for DS's 2nd birthday next year as we are moving house and will have more space. As it is, Father Christmas brought him a baby and a buggy, with which he has been happily toddling up and down the hall.

LionsAreScary · 26/12/2010 23:59

ooh, Normality, did you buy them for her?

stoatsrevenge · 27/12/2010 00:13

YANBU
I was shocked to see a company (Just like home??- something like that) selling these type of toys - the broom with pan was a real speciality.

ALL of the pictures were of girls playing with the dustspans/hoovers/kitchens/food mixers, etc.

This makes me so Angry

What with the excess of pink, the gender toys, the gender books... what are we doing to girls?

They may do better in exams - but their aspriations...?????

MissAnneElk · 27/12/2010 00:16

competitively pretending Hmm So, did the OP buy her DSs only neutral coloured gender non specific items?
See, I do understand a slight annoyance if everything was girlie girlie. But then, on the other hand, a girl after two boys is likely to be treated differently as would a boy born after two girls. If you really are pissed off with the gifts, donate them to charity.

NormalityBites · 27/12/2010 00:18

Nooooooo it was the MIL, LionsAreScary.

DD isn't in the least princess-like Hmm She likes painting, and animals, dinosaurs, space, aliens, pirates, lego, cooking....her favourite films are Narnia and Labyrinth.

So the influx of Disney princess outfit/shoes/book and film was a bit Hmm

I'm not banning them or anything but I think the shoes might get broken Grin

Tortington · 27/12/2010 00:22

it isn't the toys that influence the girls it's the parents.

my daughter played with lots of dolls, had pink prams and glitter dresses.

she wouldn't touch anythink pink with a bargepole.

she wouldnt wear a dress if i paid her ( ok maybe only if i paid her a substantial amt of money)

she only wore heels to her prom

the toys and pink glittery shit and barbies - do not force a child into a life of subjugation.

makemineamojito · 27/12/2010 00:33

ooh, that is pretty horrendous. Too much domestic stuff all in one go! And you are right, they wouldn't have given that to a boy, which is the central problem really. If boys were given these sorts of toys a bit more often too, I don't think I'd feel as strongly. Really this is completely the wrong message to be sending a young girl if the young boys around her aren't being encouraged to play with the toys as well.

NormalityBites · 27/12/2010 00:34

You are of course correct Custardo.

It is the constant barrage of stereotypes and images from every direction directed full beam at our children throughout the age at which they are desperately looking for something with which to identify, something outside of the family unit that shows them what it means to BE what they are, beginning with the sex they are. That exposure is what is damaging, it does not force anyone to a life of subjugation but it does create very strong cultural points of reference/perception it can take a lifetime to overcome, if you have the courage and nous to even see past the marketing in the first place.

MadamDeathstare · 27/12/2010 01:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

snowflake69 · 27/12/2010 06:44

I used to love stuff like play kitchens when I was syounger. My dad is a chef so I used to copy him.

It made no difference to my adult life though, as I only recently learnt how to fry an egg and use meat with stir in sauce and I have been married nearly 7 years.

When I was younger my brother and I both were obsessed with toy kitchens though for years. Its just a toy.

LIZS · 27/12/2010 07:52

She may well be too young to appreciate them now but perhaps come the summer she will. dd at 9 will still wash her dolls clothes and use the iron and she is about as far unstereotypical as you can imagine! In fact ds was bought some (unsolicited) from that age. Role play toys are important for development in all children and I'd be surprised if your dses didn't take an interest at some point too and they are good for when friends come round. If it bothers you that much have them outside in a play house when the weather improves.

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