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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really HATE my daughters Christmas presents and think they are really shit?

218 replies

TotorosOcarnina · 26/12/2010 21:34

Shes 2.

She got from family members (who must have conspired together ...)

A play kitchen
A play iron
a play kettle
a play micrwave
a play hetty hoover
play food to cook.

Ermmm just because shes female she gets cleaning and domestic appliances for xmas??

My boys didn't get anything like this... ever!! So why because shes a girl has she got all this crap??

Why would she want to pretend to iron?! or pretend t warm up a tin of beans?!

Am baffled!

OP posts:
NorkilyChallenged · 27/12/2010 07:58

I agree totally that a kitchen/play food is different to all the domestic appliances (or to the overarching impression by getting everything in one go).

A play kitchen is hte favourite toy of all the children who come here and of all my friends. But then I would totally have bought a kitchen and food for boys too, without a moment's thought (and I have a friend who has just bought one for her ds even though her dh wasn't keen on the idea Hmm)

I also think some dc (not all) will naturally be quite interested in playing with dolls/babies. DD1 was like that about real babies and loves dolls. DD2 is less keen but still likes it. I think it's normal as they see it around them all the time. I'm expecting DC3 and DD1 is very interested in everything to do with it and has obviously already watching it all once with DD2. I would buy dolls for a boy exactly the same.

I'd like to underline that it is also the child as well as the parents and the toys though. I have always avoided pink, traditionally "girlie" things, bought unisex clothing/toys for my dds. They have lots of cars, train stuff, building blocks, non-gendered dressing up clothes (animals, police/firefighter, doctor). I own no make up (not even lip balm), do not style my hair, never iron so don't provide much of an example for a child to copy. Yet as she gets older, DD1 (3.10) gets more and more fascinated by pink, sparkly things, princesses (there's a girl who comes to nursery in Disney princess costumes swhich started it), caring for babies, jewellery, shoes, she even wanted make up as her cousin (aged 5) has some pretend stuff. I don't want DD1 to be like this but I'm not going to fight what is obviously her current area of interest - so she gets no make up or shoes with heels (bleurgh) but I let her choose pink things to wear, put clips in her (non-existent) hair and she asked for Disney princess things from her gran for Christmas and I didn't veto it.

NorkilyChallenged · 27/12/2010 08:00

Oh and for what it's worth, the dc see daddy do far more cooking than I ever do in this house so the kitchen isn't really a girl thing to them.

Triggles · 27/12/2010 08:09

DGS1 got a play kitchen and play food. He's 5. He absolutely loves it. His favourite game right now is pretend cooking and pretend picnics. Grin

gorionine · 27/12/2010 08:10

I think the problem is not relly that the toys are "girly" (Which I do not think they are as the only of my Dcs who got similar stuff was Ds2) The problem is that they are all for the same game/role play and if your Dd is into art and building I can see why it is desapointing for her.

Nothing wrong with a girl getting pink toys or cooking things if she likes them but if she obviously doesn't maybe you could gently tell the family what she would prefer for another occasion?

socialhandgrenade · 27/12/2010 08:18

I think it is sad that some types of work such as housework are seen as having less value than traditional male activities. Why hasn't the OP already got a toy kitchen etc for her DS1 & 2? My DS had a toy cooker for Xmas. He loves it. He also loves his vacumn cleaner and follows our cleaner around the house. I value cleaning enough to pay for it, not because I feel demeaned by it.

trinitybleu · 27/12/2010 08:26

I'm a bad mummy. I coordinated the mass purchase of kitchen/iron/kettle/washing machine/microwave/toaster when DD was 1 and got her Disney Princess shoes this year. She's going to amount to nothing, isn't she?

Maybe they were trying to balance out the boyish toys?

Pancakeflipper · 27/12/2010 08:29

Perhaps the people giving the presents thought they would get your daughter something she has not got already. They may have thought " she has lots of art things and building things already. They probably thought they were being super clever in buying her something she had not got and didn't realise they'd annoy you so much in doing so.

gorionine · 27/12/2010 08:33

Trinity, you are not a bad mummy as you probably know your own DD enough to have got her something she wil like. OP's DD, as I understand, is NOT into that but into art an building so these toys are not something she will enjoy (at the moment as I find my Dcs have got "cycles" of toys they like more than others).

Pancakeflipper · 27/12/2010 09:00

Oh Trinity - how utterly shocking of you .. Your daughter will go into a world of domestic bliss/ drudgery.... She'll become a domestic slave to some man in years to come. There's no other option for her future now...... Grin. Then again I had a wonderful ironing board when little and played with it and as an adult I hate ironing.....

PortlyBlackSantaUpAChimney · 27/12/2010 09:16

I think i would put them away until she is old enough to appreciate what they are......

Then i'd burn them in the garden - she could light the match if she's old enough Xmas Grin

moondog · 27/12/2010 09:19

Oh get a grip.
My dd loved stuff like this but when I get the hoover out, it's my 6 year old ds that fights me for his share of Dyson action.
Go figure, as they say.

BoffinMum · 27/12/2010 09:23

Interestingly I wanted to get DS3 a tea set this Christmas but in Mothercare noticed all the house stuff seemed to be pink, so I didn't buy him anything.

Trinity, I mass co-ordinated the purchase of appliances for my FIL's new kitchen recently, 'tis therefore a lifeskill being modelled! Wink

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 27/12/2010 09:28

My Ds got a play stove and food etc. for his 3rd birthday. He loves it! I had a job to find a non-pink one though - that pissed me off. I haven't got him the domestic stuff yet - that may creep in over the year.

But both DH and I cook so it's completely within his normal range of experience to see men cook; DH does the ironing so as and when DS expresses an interest, he will get that; I do the majority of the vacuuming and he can have one of them too.

When I was little, my toy hoover (scale model type, same as Mum's, even to the light!) was one of my favourite toys (it was dark olive green, btw).

I can see your frustration that it seems to be gender stereotyped - but otoh, she might just love to play with them! Maybe when she's a bit older though - DS was definitely 2 1/2+ before he got into all that type of play.

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 27/12/2010 09:29

Forgot to mention that I loathe vacuuming now!

porcamiseria · 27/12/2010 09:40

agree get a bloody grip and be grateful, and get her some lego from you

at least they care

ChasingSquirrels · 27/12/2010 09:42

my boys had a shop/home corner with a washing machine, cooker, shopping trolley, play food, till, hoover etc.

They loved it all, outgrown now so I am shortly getting rid of it.

They had a baby too, which used to get pushed round in the seat bit of the shopping trolley.

TandB · 27/12/2010 09:43

I had a play kitchen and cleaning set. I loved it. I do not live a life of domestic servitude, I can assure you!

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 27/12/2010 09:51

YANBU

And it really doesn't matter one bit that other posters have children who love these toys because that's not what this is about.

You have sons. These sons were NEVER given these role playing toys.

You have a daughter. She is given every one of these role playing toys under the sun.

It is not difficult to see that the family felt that this child should have all the cooking, cleaning toys but they didn't feel that about the other children.

So what's the difference?

This child is a girl.

girl = domesticity.

So again, it is totally irrelevent who of you has a boy who loves to iron. The point is that the OPs relatives got her daughter a range of gifts that give a message and which they did not get for either of her sons.

I don't understand how what other peoples children play with matters one bit, when what the OPs children play with isn't even the point!

Triggles · 27/12/2010 10:06

Other posters are mentioning that their children like it because the OP is saying

"Why would she want to pretend to iron?! or pretend t warm up a tin of beans?!"

because their child enjoys it, boy or girl.

If the OP hasn't ever gotten her what she considers "domestic" toys, then perhaps she ought to have an open mind and encourage her to play with them, but ALSO encourage her to play with other toys as well. Rather than saying they are "really shit". Yes, perhaps they are a bit aimed towards "domestic skills" but they're really just toys. What kind of toys did the OP's boys get when they were that age? Were they cars and trucks and "boy stuff"? Did the OP complain at that time that they were only getting boy stuff??

"My boys didn't get anything like this... ever!! So why because shes a girl has she got all this crap??"

So obviously she had no problem with the boys just getting more boy-oriented toys, but has a problem with girls getting girl-oriented toys. A bit one-way, IMO.

ZZZenAgain · 27/12/2010 10:11

she has them now, see if she shows any interest.I do agree with you, the family has done a bit of overkill by getting so many of these type of things

I would try to balance it with less gender-specific toys.

oldandgreynow · 27/12/2010 10:22

OP I suggest you read up a little on child development

cupofcoffee · 27/12/2010 11:23

I don't think your family were unreasonable to buy your dd this stuff because IMO children love household roleplay. I do think they may be unreasonable to have only brought it for your girl and not for the boys though.

I have a dd now after having 2ds, but we had all that stuff on your list long before dd arrived in this house - the boys love it.

Foxy800 · 27/12/2010 11:30

My dd has all of that apart from the toy iron and she loves it, havign said that the reason you got them is because she enjoys them so much and she got them over 3 yrs, none of it this year.

Foxy800 · 27/12/2010 11:31

the people that bought them have been known to buy her cars and car mat, tool benches etc as well though.

larrygrylls · 27/12/2010 11:48

Grow up!

I think that the fact someone gets your daughter a present is something to be thankful for. It is lovely when one child gets given something. If you think the presents are too "gendered", buy her some fast cars and some guns yourself. You are her parent.

For what it is worth, our 18 month old son loves the play kitchen at our local "play cafe", as well as every car going. I would be happy if he learned to cook and enjoyed it.