my kids havent had lots of expensive presents

[ladysybil]

coz afaik, we cant afford them. (but my situation with dh and finances is another twenty threads and i dont want to get into it on this one). two of them go to private schools which we pay for, as they recive no bursaries. we live in a lovely big house, and have lots to eat and lots of clothes to wear etc.

they got things like a book. slippers. mask painting kit. etc. one thing each from us, and one thing each from their aunts and ds got us all some stuff from the pound shop as well. lovely presents and lovely christmas imo.

people i know in rl have spent a fortune on their kids for christmas. one lady i know has got her boys an ipad each. they already had laptops. most boys in ds's class have iphones or blackberries, plus all the assorted game things wii etc. ds has neither a phone ( he lost it, twice) nor a laptop (which he actually needs for schoolwork)

are my kids deprived? they think so

Me too, Parasite - it was incredibly stressful.

Sounds like a lovely, slightly old-fashioned Christmas.

With a few, carefully chosen, modest presents !

In a big, old, slightly draughty, but generally well heated house !

My children bought everyone little things from the pound shop this year too. It's been lovely to see them think of others !

My son made me a little bracelet out of coloured rubber bands and paper-clips.
I was charmed !

We did get our daughter a mobile though, as we feel she needs one, now she's started at secondary school. I'll just have to find and get used to my one now !!

I think it is a bit much expecting your children to be grateful that the heating has been on all month.

I wouldn't buy my boys an Ipad for Christmas, however, I wouldn't buy them some sodding slippers either.

I think there's a happy medium to be honest. I can't stand seeing children having hundreds of pounds spent on them at Christmas. But I would try and give them something a bit special, or something that their friends also had (within reason) even if it meant turning the heating down a bit or living on stews for a couple of weeks.

I went to a private school, my parents scrimped and saved to send me so could afford little else. They wanted me to be grateful for my great education but really I just hated it there and was so far out of my depth trying to keep up with what every-one else got it made me ill. YABU

My children didn't get a large amount of toys, neither did they get expensive ones.
My husband and I did not buy for one another as we couldn't afford too. I have had the heating on and worrying like mad how we will afford the cost of that. They don't goto a private school.

I don't think that they are deprived, but I like to think that they will grow up knowing that there is more to materialistic things.

"When they have kids in 20 years time, I promise, It's the love, traditions and the laughter they will remember and treasure from 2010." Is that the case here though? If you're all happy and you genuinely can't afford it, they won't be too bothered.

Your choice, but personally I do feel for them a little - all children enquire what others had and slippers and a book will embarass them all the more with being at private school.

However its your youngest I feel most sorry for, she'll grow up in the knowledge that you thought the free education was good enough for her whilst you spent many thousands on her older brothers education.

Sounds fine to me.

Me and my three siblings were brought up like this too (big house, music lessons, lots of books, some private education but no big holidays, no TVs in rooms, most clothes second-hand etc..)

Occasionally we did beg my parents to buy trendy clothes or the latest TV and VHS player (long, long ago...). They tried to explain why they couldn't and wouldn't and just laughed the idea off if we didn't understand. We weren't really that bothered - it was more a minor irritation.

There were kids at my school with far more money than sense. By the age of 8 I could see that we had a very different understanding of the world and theirs was far narrower than mine.

When I was a child we lived in a lovely old house and had beautiful dinners every day and there was always money for extra lessons or school trips etc.But my mother made a point of not spending much on our clothes, making stuff herself and using hand me downs from cousins. That was fine when we were children but as a teenager I was mortified and used to avoid meeting up with friends after school because I didn't have the 'right' clothes. I would never do that to my daughter because it's not fair to make a point if it's at the expense of your children's self esteem. Like I said before, a happy medium. When kids are at the self concious stage, they don't want central heating on all day or best cuts of meat for dinner, they want a few things that will make them feel they fit in.

Surely you send your children to the school that best suits their needs, regardless of whether it's private or not (assuming you can afford private when necessary). IF the OP's DD is doing well and enjoys her state primary, why on earth move her to private? What the hell would be the point? If her older 2 DC didn't get on well in state but are doing well in private, why the hell put them back into state, just in the name of equality?

Do what is right for each child.

ds has the money to buy himself a mobile phone, but chooses not to. he gets pocket money, which afaik, he has saved up. the only money i am sure he has spent is what he went and used for christmas presents.
the younger two have their own mobile phones, and were amongst the first in their class to get them. cheap ones, £15 and £20 each. with a tenners credit each.

I totally agree with you about the conversations after christmas about presents. But, i dont know what I can feasibly do about it. :(

sigh. not sure now.

mobiles are whole other discussion..
how old are you DC?

Did they tell you what they wanted for xmas? Buy a post xmas treat in the sales?

Even I thought the slippers sounded minging. I mean what kid wants slippers ? Isn't that the kind of thing you buy in a normal month ?
I never buy the kids anything big for christmas because we buy bikes and thngs throughout the year.
But he still was well pleased with his star wars lego figures that he had specifically requested.
Did Op actually ask the children what they wanted ?

the clothes the kids wear are always the 'right' ones. Not over the top designer, but i make sure they are the ones they want, and trendyish. and i try to do handme downs, but now they are older, its notusually feasible.

dd has alot more money spent on her, clothes, accesories etc than the boys, because i dont want her to feel left out. and i dont want her moving to a private school in the middle of primary as it would be very hard on her socially. she has friends where she is, and is happy. she has her own 'place' in the class. yes, i do feel she is being punished for being the clever one, but, the kids go to the schools that are right for them, and sending her to ds2's primary will not be right for her, even though it will be #equal#

OP

You do what you wish to do! These are your children and I actually think it sounds nice that you are trying to teach them to be grounded in life.

oblomov, yes, i did ask them what they wanted. and dc2 was very happy with his slippers as they are the footie ones he wanted. initially, i wanted to buy him a footie shirt with his name on it, but for various reasons, couldnt and he understood that.

ds1 wants a laptop. but not for christmas. its osmething he needs. not just wants.

My girls wanted slippers but I brought wrong sizes, took them back and forgot to buy another pair!

Have to be honest and say that slippers were my privately educated DD's favourite present-fancy slipper boots from Accessorize though and she had some other things too....