my kids havent had lots of expensive presents

[ladysybil]

coz afaik, we cant afford them. (but my situation with dh and finances is another twenty threads and i dont want to get into it on this one). two of them go to private schools which we pay for, as they recive no bursaries. we live in a lovely big house, and have lots to eat and lots of clothes to wear etc.

they got things like a book. slippers. mask painting kit. etc. one thing each from us, and one thing each from their aunts and ds got us all some stuff from the pound shop as well. lovely presents and lovely christmas imo.

people i know in rl have spent a fortune on their kids for christmas. one lady i know has got her boys an ipad each. they already had laptops. most boys in ds's class have iphones or blackberries, plus all the assorted game things wii etc. ds has neither a phone ( he lost it, twice) nor a laptop (which he actually needs for schoolwork)

are my kids deprived? they think so

*have

Well, ive just finished reading all the posts. I guess i am a bit unhinged, as one mumsnetter pointed out, but i am trying to do my best and that includes asking fro advice from mumsnetters.
there is a lot i can say in my defence. but that will out me in real life to people in real life.
dd doesnt get more spent on her because i am making up for her going to state school. that is an assumption that some mumsnetter made. she gets more spent on her, such as clothes shoes, jewellry etc, because she is a girl and unfortunately the world we live in has consumerism as its god. and it helps little girls fit in etc

Your DS wanted cash, but you haven't given it to him?

This gets more and more weird - it's not as if he was even asking for an ipad or anything of that ilk.

But now you're saying the DCs are all happy with it - so why did your OP say they felt deprived?

< confused >

I spend my (limited) money on my children rather than myself at this time of year. From about September, any spare money I have goes towards Christmas. I don't spoil my children. Their father and I speak in detail about what we're getting them and we share the cost completely. Just because we're divorced, doesn't mean they get more or less than they would have got if we were together.

But, OP, I've noticed you in Style and Beauty talking about what you plan to buy. I noticed you were talking about spending over £600 on a laptop, when you can get one for half the price.

Do you really think you are being generous to them at this time of year? Isn't the spirit of generosity and kindness the point of Christmas?

cupcake, i should have. but i didnt get that organised :(

Btw, I also have two DSes and one DD, and, while I agree that it's easier, and tempting, to overload girls with stuff because there's so much that's pwitty in the shops, I'd be disgusted with myself (and I'm sure DH would call me on it) if I ever actually acted on it.

I don't understand why it's okay to give in to the god of consumerism where she's concerned, with the aim of her fitting in, but the same doesn't apply to her brothers.

That stinks.

the children think they are deprived as a general rule. not at christmas in particular. i guess i didnt make that clear. I am the one having a bit of a situation about not getting them ipads

since september, my kids have had two eids and one christmas. we're muslim, and try to make a big deal of eid at which thye get money/ presents and new clothes too.

Thank you for your opinion on my parenting skills whatswrong. you are being very helpful

:(

TBH I think its really poor that you hadnt even got round to getting the money for him to have on Christmas Day when it was the only thing from you!!

My parents had no money when we were kids and there were 5 kids ranging from teenagers to little ones, also my parents never used cc etc however we always had amazing Christmases!!

You should have set aside £15 - £20 each and really done some hunting for some bulky fun things to open and do on Christmas Day. Maybe a big tub of popcorn or sweets, a big cuddly toy for the little one, couple of cheap family DVDs off ebay, and then a board game for you to all play in the afternoon.

Its not about giving an ipad that feels like an excuse, like oh we cant afford to get you an ipad so we went to no effort.

I feel sad for your kids :(

I am baffled as to why you have started this thread. Are you feeling bad about the gifts that you have given your children? Rightly or wrongly you have made these decisions, you don't have to justify this to any of us.

I give mine exactly the same amount - they are 18 and 21 and they love music. So this year, amongst their presents, my son had a Jimi Hendrix DVD and a Red Hot Chilli Peppers DVD and a band tee-shirt which added up to £75 where my daughter had about 15 CDs for the same amount - they know how fair I am with them and they wouldn't doubt for a second that I spend differing amounts on them. He was equally pleased with his as she was. I wouldn't have been happy, though, if I'd spent much less on either one of them.

(Her cds were old punk ones which sold for £3-5 each.)

My kid did.. he got LOADS of expensive presents. Various things like discounts, vouchers, presents from friends, and £100 limit from us means he had a top 10 list of xmas presents.

lovely big house, private school, blah blah fucking blah, why the hell is any of that relevant? You sound like a tight arse if the highlight of your kids Christmas is a face painting kit!

We earn fuck all, we save £25 a month for xmas. blah blah.... yawn.. right, bed time.

Belle, i am feeling bad that i havent got them all these expesive presents. I wnated the mn consensus on whether my kids were deprived because they dont have all this stuff when in real life i know a lot of kids who do have expensive presents.

pure, your post is very helpful. Its good to know that you are such a wonderful well organised person and perfect parent

So basically you didn't even give them the presents you listed in your OP? They were from other people? And you didn't give your son the cash he asked for? So basically you didn't really go out of your way to make Christmas special for your children?
My parents were poor when I was a child, but my mum always went out of her way to make christmas magical for us.

Perhaps, being Muslim, Christmas isn't 'as big' a thing in your household and that's what is confusing people? Am I right or totally wrong? If I'm right and that Eid is when they get their main presents then of course that's totally understandable and there will be a degree of understanding among their peers at school too? That would explain a few things if that was the case but 'not being organised' isn't really an excuse. Please tell me If I'm barking up the wrong tree!

Well, if you don't mind me saying so, I think the general consensus throughout this thread has been that you don't have to feel bad about not getting them ipads, but a bit of thought and effort would have gone a long way.

My nine year old asked for an ipad months ago, but there was never any way he was getting one, and we made that clear (he knew he was trying it on but I think hoped FC might leap in). Doesn't mean he didn't get anything he could feel thrilled about, though.

Ladysybil, how much did you spend on that laptop you bought for yourself?

Sorry to keep harping on about it, but you have resolutely avoided answering my posts.

My son didn't recieve loads of presents, it doesn't matter. I sought out small things that I knew he would love rather then massive things that just flash the cash. I did get him an iPod though, it's the worlds smallest thing and was £39. Girls don't need more stuff then boys do to 'fit in.' A basic pair of jeans from Primark are a few pounds, customise with some glitter/sequins and they look fab! (you've also had mum:girl time)

I think you need to do a budget, work out where everything is going. There's nothing wrong with buying toys from a charity shop/pound shop.

I'm starting to feel as if we're all barking up the wrong tree!

If Christmas isn't really a 'thing' in your family, and Eid covers the big celebration/gift-giving season, this conversation's been the waste of time I suspected it probably was all along.

Lady, you asked for opinions, you got them. Fuck off if you don't like them! My post wasn't even offensive

For your information, I am extremely well organised. I have to be, or we (as a family) wouldn't go on holiday/buy Christmas presents/fix the car. I budget for the entire fucking year and we're not particularly hard up, but you sound like you;re whinging about a non-issue 'I spend more money on my daughter because I don't want her to feel left out'

excellent fucking message you're sending there..
'yes, it's OK, you have uggs (or whatever) so that means you fit in and you're important.

Your post is just bizarre, frankly.

Direct answer to your OP: If you spend money on their private education, a lot on clothes, etc etc etc, rah rah rah, whatever, then fuck all for Christmas would rankle, yes. YABU for being a tightarse at Christmas.

christmas is not as big a deal as eid. but, i like christmas, and so do the kids. so its not that little a deal as at most muslim households where it is a non event.

swimtwo lengths, cat me, and i will happily tell you all about my life, and answer all your questions, but, i dont want to put them up on a public forum that will be around for the next thirty thousand years. far too much of it is already here.

I missed the bit about you being Muslim, so I retract my 'tightarse at Christmas' remark.

pure, another enlightening post from you.
I'm not whinging, despite the assumptions you are making.
well done to you for being such a wonderufl organised person.

whatswrong, christmas isnt exactly a nonevent. muslims are allowed to celebrate it as well. and feel guilty for not getting their kids ipads.