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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my kids havent had lots of expensive presents

280 replies

ladysybil · 26/12/2010 14:25

coz afaik, we cant afford them. (but my situation with dh and finances is another twenty threads and i dont want to get into it on this one). two of them go to private schools which we pay for, as they recive no bursaries. we live in a lovely big house, and have lots to eat and lots of clothes to wear etc.

they got things like a book. slippers. mask painting kit. etc. one thing each from us, and one thing each from their aunts and ds got us all some stuff from the pound shop as well. lovely presents and lovely christmas imo.

people i know in rl have spent a fortune on their kids for christmas. one lady i know has got her boys an ipad each. they already had laptops. most boys in ds's class have iphones or blackberries, plus all the assorted game things wii etc. ds has neither a phone ( he lost it, twice) nor a laptop (which he actually needs for schoolwork)

are my kids deprived? they think so

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/12/2010 19:26

I was touchy, and also projecting (I had a bellyful of those kind of insensitive comments, FWIW...I could write a book)...not your fault though, ragged

we dunno if kelway has any problem at all, since she didn't respond to my gentle question

nice of you to apologise though Xmas Smile

kelway · 28/12/2010 19:34

i am surprised anyone noticed my out of place moan. noone has said anything to upset me, i was not complaining either about anyone moaning about their children, you all have a right to moan as much as you want, i am sure having more than one child is hard work as much as it is rewarding. i have been following this thread with interest and today i am feeling particularly with aching heart, i cannot have another child (i have one, yes, i know how lucky i am) but i am a women of secondary infertility whose heart aches beyone reason to have another child and will never. sometimes i get this overwhelming feeling of self pity which i guess is my excuse for my sudden outburst, do excuse me :), mind you, it calmed you all down a bit didn't it, brief distraction with regard to whether or not op should have given her child some slippers or not (just jesting). i gave up ttc for another child about a year ago as after 7 years of ttc No. 2 having had failed treatments my time is up. on the subject, is there is forum where i can 'be among others similar, with secondary infertility'? i would really appreciate being put in the right direction. i am feeling a little low on the subject today, just turned 46 and come on so predictable i guess, thanks x

AnyFucker · 28/12/2010 19:42

aww, kelway, I always notice those little "out of place" interjections

they are usually akin to an iceberg, small on top, but mahoosive underneath Xmas Smile

am glad you can have a little smile at taking away some of the negative focus on this thread, which I was watching but couldn't get up the concerned outrage to contribute to Xmas Wink

if you are new to mumsnet, have you checked out all the topics?

I don't know if here is a specific secondary IF thread, but all posts are welcome wherever you may put it

back in a mo, will see what there is these days (haven't ventured there in a while, myself)

itsawonderfuldarleneconnorlife · 28/12/2010 19:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

AnyFucker · 28/12/2010 19:50

ffs, what the hell is that meant to be, IAWDCL ?

kelway...to my surprise I can't find any IF topics but I did find this about one-child families which seems a friendly place and if you posted here, I am sure you would get some support

if you want to stick around on MN that is, after that most unsupportive of posts by IAWDCL

kelway · 28/12/2010 19:51

it's a wonder - you are uptight. you have read my responding mail with aggression. don't you see, i admire/envy you guys, i was not having a go, i made an outburst because i was feeling self pity and have since admitted to it. i know why i am infertile, i blame noone. actually, i got married when i was 35 which was just over ten years ago and actually, at the time people didn't talk much about infertility in women mid thirties, not unless they were doctors attending seminars. i am quite old fashioned which is why i wanted to wait until i met mr right which sadly for me wasn't until later in life. and no, i did not delay having a child due to my 'career' contrary to what the press says. if i had known in my mid thirties what i know now i sure would have tried earlier to have children but i didn't know. i had a great life workwise and as it would turn out, unknown to my good self i was unintentionally losing my fertility. i have no animosity towards women with lots of chidlren, on the contray, i admire and at envy them, i use the work envy as opposed to jealous, i do not feel badly towards them as your email implied. funny thing is that a part of me doesn't want any more children as i love how things are, i have a great life, but part of me will always ache for the other child i tried for years to have. now, get back to op's thread about slippers :0)

AnyFucker · 28/12/2010 19:52

kelway...you do not have to justify yourself

IAWDCL...feeling ashamed of yourself yet ?

you should be

mathanxiety · 28/12/2010 19:53

Sending you a hug, Kelway. I know there's a one child family topic here on MN.

LadyS -- until you get your power imbalance sorted in your family, your children will not be happy in the egalitarian culture in which you all live. They will express it in many different ways, all linked by comparison of themselves with others, so Christmas and other gift-giving occasions will never be completely enjoyable to them.

kelway · 28/12/2010 19:58

anyfucker - you are lovely! thanks alot, i will have a look x

AnyFucker · 28/12/2010 20:04

all the best, kelway x

lovechoc · 28/12/2010 20:05

this thread is still making me laugh..

OP you send two of your three children to private schools (but not the youngest??) and yet you give them duff presents (IMO).

Mind you, I suppose that's why many folk are rich - being tight will mean you can afford private ed, but what about treating alll of your DC equally? how come the youngest doesn't get private ed too? just nosey!

BlueFergie · 28/12/2010 20:08

IAWDCL -I have been following this thread without feeling the need to post until I saw what you had written. It is one of the nastiest most unsupportive posts I have read on mumsnet. You should be ashamed of yourself.

taffetazatyousantaclaus · 28/12/2010 20:16

kelway, sorry you are feeling low. My best friend didn't meet her DH until she was 42, had her DD at 44 and gave up trying for a second last year when she turned 50. She had a great deal of sadness over this, and still does. I understand your pain a little and hope you can find some comfort from kind posters in the one child topic.

lovechoc · 28/12/2010 20:22

I agree BlueFergie. I used to feel that way about women (then my own mother told me she waited on the right man to come along before having a family despite being in her 30s) but since changed my views and appreciate life just isn't so black and white. Many women would have preferred to have their children young but didn't have a partner at that time, and chose to wait on the right one. Fair do's, who are we to judge. I too feel IAWDCL was a tad out of order.

Some of us just happen to be lucky meeting the right person at the right time in life when fertility is at it's best. For others it doesn't always work out that way.

kelway · 28/12/2010 20:23

that's really sweet, thanks bluefergie but i wasn't hurt by it, i think i knew i would get somekind of reaction that was let's say, not very nice but it is fine. i am infertile but (that aside) happy, perhaps this lady is not so?

cupcakebakerer · 28/12/2010 20:34

Iaw's post was harsh but I do take her point about being 20 and facing a life of infertility. I can't even comprehend what that must be like but I suppose I get upset about the most trivial of things, never mind desperately wanting a second child and not being able to have one. It's all relative. This post has been well and truly hijacked!!

kelway · 28/12/2010 20:37

no no, i think we should get back to the sox. one of the reasons i posted about the non baby was as an outsider reading the posts it just seemed so ridiculous. life is to precious and short and to put so much significance in material things and pandering to (some) spoilt children and all the emphasis in keeping up appearances just seems so bloody ridiculous, i thought that some brief respite might help cool things off a little (although i do have secondary infertility, i just let my hormones out for a moment)....

Heifer · 28/12/2010 20:40

Kelway you are a better/nicer person than me because I am upset by her comments!

I too have an only, with no chance it seems of having another. I got married at 26, after a couple of years tried for 7 years then was lucky enough to have DD, another 7 years later still not had another.

The comments weren't even aimed at me but I feel cross and upset for you! Not often I comment when annoyed or disagree with people on here, but I really hope that itsawonderfuldarleneconnorlife isn't a name changer from someone I liked or was interested in their viewpoint etc.

now back to the thread, which whilst reading have comments to make... Grin

ragged · 28/12/2010 20:45

I was convinced that I would have fertility issues because there seemed to be so much media coverage about it for woman age 30+ (this is going back 15 years). Guess I just listened to the right (or wrong, even) radio programmes. Because it was scaremongering and unnecessary worry in my case, I never had fertility issues at all.

kelway · 28/12/2010 21:57

ragged, i was lucky in that i never gave much thought to having children as i wasn't in a position to have them, then when i was (married, old fashoined, i know) i fell pg immediately although i lost my first baby but i fell pg for the second time pretty much immediately again, my point is that i had no reason prior to all this for me to have been educated in womens productive lifespan. noone talked about it much and it wasn't in the press as much as now, i guess it didn't help that 'celebrities' who were older and possibly had treatments were in the press having babies, i guess it gave me a false sense of infinite fertility, i had been super fertile to being as dry as a bone! still, all part of life's experiences, that is how i look at it most of the time, things i have experienced whilst trying. now, where are all the posters with regards to op's sock buying. i am sure someone has something to say on that....not thrilled that a fair few relatives have bought my dd a barbie, bloody awful dolls, they are trying to emulate the bratz dolls, tarts of legs with skirts up to their arm pits

AnyFucker · 28/12/2010 22:20

I never gave any thought to my fertility until I was told I had undergone the menopause at the age of 27

that was certainly a surprise !

thumbplumpuddingwitch · 28/12/2010 22:52

kelway - this thread in the onechild topic is a safe haven for parents of an only who for whatever reason are unable to have another. There is no judgement there (sometimes there is on other threads in the one child topic, sadly). Mostly we just chat to each other but we are always happy to welcome newcomers and offer support.

AF - didn't know that - must have been a heck of a shock!

CheerfulYank · 28/12/2010 22:57

I'm sorry, kelway. And I don't know what darleneconnor said but it must have been awful.

AnyFucker · 28/12/2010 23:43

CY...it was awful

which is strange, because when you search for her other posts they seem entirely reasonable ! Xmas Confused

AnyFucker · 28/12/2010 23:44

thumb...I wrote you that essay

yes, it sure was a shock, bearing in mind we hadn't any children