my kids havent had lots of expensive presents

[ladysybil]

coz afaik, we cant afford them. (but my situation with dh and finances is another twenty threads and i dont want to get into it on this one). two of them go to private schools which we pay for, as they recive no bursaries. we live in a lovely big house, and have lots to eat and lots of clothes to wear etc.

they got things like a book. slippers. mask painting kit. etc. one thing each from us, and one thing each from their aunts and ds got us all some stuff from the pound shop as well. lovely presents and lovely christmas imo.

people i know in rl have spent a fortune on their kids for christmas. one lady i know has got her boys an ipad each. they already had laptops. most boys in ds's class have iphones or blackberries, plus all the assorted game things wii etc. ds has neither a phone ( he lost it, twice) nor a laptop (which he actually needs for schoolwork)

are my kids deprived? they think so

Well if I may return to the OP briefly -- LadyS, growing up in Ireland where married women were not allowed to have a bank account of their own until some time in the 70s and where even afterwards many were still not allowed to be privy to the family finances depending on how much of a Neanderthal they were married to, I saw situations very like yours where the children could see things were different in other families (because some were more progressive than others). They saw their own mothers essentially living in the same position as themselves, the minor dependents, and it made them very aware of the flawed nature of their parents' relationships; some also absorbed something of the prejudice against women that was behind the sort of restrictions that were being torn down in those days but still unofficially in force.

Many children remained very emotionally attached to their mothers but still were very likely to criticise them and complain about what their mothers managed to provide (sometimes out of a meager allowance doled out by their husbands) partly because they did not feel safe complaining to the real cause of their discomfort or even anger (the authority figure in the home) and it was safer to voice their vague discomfort to their mother, but also because it was socially acceptable to blame women for anything that seemed to go wrong in the family or for anything that made the children unhappy. Children in this kind of situation would be hyper-sensitive to any indication that the mother was not given enough of an allowance to provide presents for birthdays or Christmas (for instance if the presents were small or late) -- any slip-ups or inadequacy in this department on the part of the mother would be a reminder to the children that the mother lived and provided basically only if the father willed it.

Children are very sensitive to every little wind that blows in a home.

Had to share this ungrateful little wench being very frank about his gift.....

cherrysoda - he is a little wretch, isn't he! I don't think I'd be laughing as much as his parents (although you never know in the heat of the thing)

Cheers AF - as you know, I have replied elsewhere :)

I'm sure this has been said, but whilst it is commendable that with the money available to you you prioritise education, heating and food it is unrealistic to expect children to appreciate it. Perhaps starting January you could put £20 aside each month in an account you can't access so that you will have a little nest egg to buy a more significant present for the children next Christmas.

And get to the bottom of your true financial situation. I can't believe that there are still families where the man hold the purse strings and the woman robs Peter to pay Paul with whatever he deigns to allow her.

This the very reason that i heeded the advice of someone on the SEN part of the forum and trained my DS to simply say "Thank you very much" no matter what the gift was!!!