my kids havent had lots of expensive presents

[ladysybil]

coz afaik, we cant afford them. (but my situation with dh and finances is another twenty threads and i dont want to get into it on this one). two of them go to private schools which we pay for, as they recive no bursaries. we live in a lovely big house, and have lots to eat and lots of clothes to wear etc.

they got things like a book. slippers. mask painting kit. etc. one thing each from us, and one thing each from their aunts and ds got us all some stuff from the pound shop as well. lovely presents and lovely christmas imo.

people i know in rl have spent a fortune on their kids for christmas. one lady i know has got her boys an ipad each. they already had laptops. most boys in ds's class have iphones or blackberries, plus all the assorted game things wii etc. ds has neither a phone ( he lost it, twice) nor a laptop (which he actually needs for schoolwork)

are my kids deprived? they think so

I wasn't asking for insurance purposes!

All I was saying was that you posted this and I thought, ohh, maybe you didn't have much money. I know what that is like. But then I looked at past threads of yours and you were talking about buying a laptop for £600+. I was really shocked. This year I've had to buy two laptops for my children, who are at university. I spent £660 on the two. It made me wonder why you were prepared to spend such a lot on one laptop when you could have bought either one cheaper one and spent the difference on your children's presents, or bought two and given one to your son who needs one for school.

Okay fair enough - but you haven't engaged with anyone who's given an opinion, other than to make snippy remarks and funny faces.

Do you agree that you didn't have to get ipads, but a bit more effort wouldn't have gone amiss? Or is it ipads or nothing?

Your kids are not deprived!
Their presents sounds lowkey, but pretty far from deprivation.

I don't know the background to your financial situation or the debates about your choices re schools for your DC, but as far as the OP goes, slippers and books are NOT deprivation.

Do you really think so, Greythorne, or are you being polite?

Lady, this might sound very patronising but to a lot of families Christmas is THE event in terms presents for children, so you not getting the cash out the bank for your son is quite shocking to many - the kind of hard luck story my mum remembers from childhood and regales us with every year!!! Quite 'liking' Christmas really isn't the same thing and I reckon you should have made the Eid thing clearer and you might not gave gotten such a roasting! Hope that makes sense.

whats wrong,I listened to peoples opinions and taken them on board. I havent argued with anyone, because what would be the point of that when i am askig for their opinion. i have commented on a couple of unhelpful, and quite frankly nasty personal attacks in as dignified a manner as i can summon.

swimtolenghts, insurance has nothing to do with it. cat me, and i will tell you all. and as for the cheaper laptop, please send me a link to it. I would appreciate it very much

its okie cupcake. a roasting is good sometimes. It keeps us on our toes. we all think that we make the best decisions, but its good to get a reality check sometimes. what we think is best isnt always the case

Here's an example for £299

Girls don't need more stuff than boys.
Slippers - unless they are specifically rewuested slippers - are not an acceptable main Christmas present.

Telling children that they should be grateful for slippers because you're paying for the central heating is not acceptable.

This is an interesting thread. I am sure you spent what you could, which is obviously the adult thing to do.

My parents would have given me a book and slippers too. I sooo hated it. And I did become very materialistic in my 20s and 30s, so I wouldn't believe the grounding arguments.

Someone was telling me the other day that conversation was all about social positioning with every exchange ends up with micro-changes in the pecking order. IPAD vs slippers is going to be more than a micro change. Sorry, I am sure you have good intentions, but your kids are going to be bottom feeders with that one.

Maybe you could arm your children with some ripostes that can subvert the pecking order stuff. You know "We don't do that shallow materialistic sh*t" or maybe even "My parents bought me a house"

Cheaper than IPAD anyway.

I don't reckon my 19 year old's deprived, as he gets loads of financial input during the year.
However, it made me smile when he was so pleased with a furry hat (cost £19.99 from River Island) this Christmas.

It ain't always the hi tech things they like!

I said 'you sound like you're whinging... (you do)

Don't take such a patronising tone with me please, it's not warranted and it makes you look very judgemental.

I never said Muslims weren't allowed to celebrate Christmas I just (perhaps wrongly) assumed that it might not be such an important event for your family for you.

"well done to you for being such a wonderufl organised person."

I assumed you were being sarcastic, apologies if you weren't and I took it the wrong way.

:)

Ooh I'm interested in that micro-change thing melli - sounds very interesting. Do you have any idea where it's from? Will be Googling for further reading.

Melli I too went through a very materialistic phase in my mid twenties that I'm certain was to do with not always having the 'right' stuff as a kid. Pathetic when there are people going hungry etc but that's the reality!

I think the comment about Muslims being allowed to celebrate Christmas was directed at me.

The OP seems to concentrate her responses on the manner in which she perceives posters to be expressing themselves rather than what they say (ie commenting on her OP asking for opinions on her childrens' Christmas presents).

We're still none the wiser as to whether she's sticking to her 'it was all lovely,' or whether she agrees a bit more effort could have been made (and I don't mean ipads).

My DDs were over the moon with their dressing gowns, but they also got a new bike each so I'm not suggesting we are 'umble people!!

But you might find this more intriguing: DD1 got a £20 note from godmother, she couldn't get over it (she's 9, my DCs rarely get cash from anyone, just the odd fiver at birthdays etc) - she examined the note, said it was amazing, how could godmother afford it, wow she must love her, how generous etc etc. At one point I thought she was going to suggest giving it back! She held it for ages before it went in the new money box (also from godmother!) Yet if she wants something that costs £200+ and I cannot afford it she says why not?! Do you think its some sort of problem with not connecting real money with purchases that sort of just appear?

Cupcake - I will ask my friend for you.

I agree the materialism is pathetic but the techniques used are so sophisticated and people lacking in self worth are easy prey.

I do wonder how I will ever be able to teach my children that they are not what they buy.

I am confused now, I think I really should have read entire thread before I posted - are we discussing how children feel about not getting the same as "everyone else" and do they know the value of money etc., or is the OP just getting flamed? I'll get me coat ...

Am I right in thinking that you were looking for a laptop back in Septembet (and I linked one for under 350) but you also run an iPhone for yourself, and now want to think about whether to stick with it or switch to the next iPhone (ie model after v4) or some other?

If so, then you surely (since you say your son needs a laptop) should be thinking about getting that for him, and stick with your existing iPhone or not have it in the first place, if it was costing 25 to 50 quid a month (I have no idea what contract you were on). Cancel the contract rather than renew and want an upgraded phone. Switch to a PAYG phone and only make calls when necessary (at 8p per minute to another mobile, use your landline to ring 01/02/03 numbers at 5p for however long you want, using indirect access firms).

Perhaps having an Asda PAYG SIM and a cheap vodafone network PAYG phone (or one from Asda) and flogging your iPhone 3G (CEX.co.uk would probably pay around 175 for an 8 GB model, you might get 200-300 on Ebay depending on whether it is locked, condition, etc, for an 8 GB capacity model, more for bigger) would be a sensible move to pay for the laptop you say your son could do with.

While I don't know (nor want to know) about your finances, having the heating up full and spending a tiny amount on gifts does not seem the ideal - deprived, not overall, but if you are financing school tuition, you need to consider how your gifts will be seen by others, or whether your sons become underdogs in the eyes of their peers.

Their education is a priority, but their feelings count too, and under the circumstances, potentially making them the laughing stock of their class/ year is something you should have avoided, I think.

As lots of people might be hunting in "January" sales for thiings to buy, I have sent links to you (via personal message) about laptops costing 280 to 330 pounds, some from big chains, some online only. (Only so the links don't get used by lots of other people and then be out of stock)

Have just seen the link to the Argos item from Medion - just to say Medion (German firm) has been selling PCs in UK for more than 6 years, first via Aldi (before they took credit cards, so a client bought a machine with 800 in cash on my recommendation several years ago).

Seems great value (250 GB, 3 GB RAM, and only 299). Just hope there are some left in stock!

Heck, it's even better with 320 GB HD! Confused by the ones I found when looking around, after by longer post (when so many other comments were being made, inc the Argos link).

We are looking for cheap laptop Network Guy,what links can you recommend!? Much Appreciated Thanks

The government has a scheme in poor areas whereby they buy the kids laptops because they believe children need one in order to do their school work.

If you can therefore afford to buy your children one they should have one.

Depriving them of the basics for their education when you can afford it to me is tantamount to child cruelty.

If you have chosen to send the DSs to a private school where the majority of pupils celebrate Christmas as the major present-fest of the year then you need to go along with that and not make them stand out unless you are prepared to make a religious stand and tell them that since you are Muslims you will not be doing the whole present thing, especially since they have already done that at Eid.

The fact that your DS spent his money on little things for everyone should make you realise that he is trying to do what you should be doing here -- recognising the value of 'stuff' for people on this one occasion (for most people in the west anyway) per year, and not choosing to make some point about prices as opposed to value.

The value being that a little of what you fancy does you a lot of good. You can get away with a Victorian Christmas with small children, but once you have teenagers you have to start accepting that they live in their own world and you in yours and hardly ever the twain shall meet. That is, if you are going to celebrate Christmas. Don't do it grudgingly. MrsDeVere, your post was spot on (am a child of lentil-weavers/ grinches).

Children couldn't care less about the heating or the nice meals -- they're for everyone after all and you shouldn't hold what you have chosen to provide as a matter of course for everyone (including yourself) against them.

And I don't understand after the revelations about the iphone and the new laptop why the child who really needs a laptop for school doesn't have one. Get over whatever it is that's holding you back and get him one. It's 2010.

You are doing a lot of swimming with one foot on the bottom here wrt the children.