to not say sorry & get on with my xmas?

[ellesbelles79]

hi all - sorry bit long...

I had a bit of a lie in this morning as was up half the night prepping food, cleaning etc.

OH gets up at 1230 and immediately asks where his xmas dinner is.

We open pressies (its just me & him today as its his only day off).

I get some perfume & baby clothes for our baby boy due in Feb.

He gets several gifts from me, with his main present being an i-phone 4 which i know he really wanted.

While I cook I leave him to set up his new toy...but he cant even put the sim card in so I help sort that out. Then he goes online to register the sim etc..but if asks for a serial number which he cant find. He immediately blames me, saying that I lost the details and becomes very impatient & agressive.

I look high and low but cant find this thing so suggest he rings t-mobile. He asks me to ring instead and while dialling he continuously goes on that I must have lost it etc, its my fault. blah blah blah

I tell him to stop with the attitude and he practically throws i-phone and packaging at me, storms out of the room with his laptop and goes into the bedroom. He has been there ever since, and has refused to eat the xmas dinner that I've made.

I feel like he is so ungrateful and out of order!!

A few mins ago I found the serial number he needed, right by where he was sitting. He clearly flung it to the side when he was initially trying to sort out the sim card etc. I havent told him that I've found it - he isnt speaking to me right now anyway.

It has taken me ages to cook dinner (as I've been sobbing my eyes out all afternoon)....but just feel like I will know eat my xmas dinner & dessert...and get on with xmas day, leaving him to carry on sulking in the bedroom.

AIBU?

I dont feel like I should have to go in there saying sorry for anything...as he has created such a drama over what is essentially nothing. Im so dissapointed and hurt by his behaviour tbh.

Has he got pmt?

How on earth is this self-centred tosser going to manage next xmas with a baby? Does he usually behave like this? Is he drunk?

Blimey you sound laid back I'd be so pissed off! Not sure why you have to ask if you should say sorry? Of course YANBU. Is this a one off? Is there anywhere else you could go to today to get away from his negative attitude? He sounds like a prize arse?

I think I know where his dinner would be going? Are you scared of him?

He sounds like a spoilt brat. How do you think he I'd going to cope when you have the stresses and strains of a new baby?

thanks ladies - I know that Im not being unreasonable...but just wanted to hear it from someone else!

he has now dished up his dinner & gone back into the bedroom to eat it. I hope it chokes him.

He isnt/wasnt drunk or anything...just acting up like a big baby.

He has been getting like this a lot recently actually. He gets so impatient about things and blames me for anything that goes wrong. Last weekend he was shouting about his shirt smelling out of the wash and he was being really quite scary. I dont believe he would ever raise his hand to me but the shouting and tantrums are bad enough. We live in a 2-bed flat and I spent about half an hour going from room to room in order to escape...but he just kept on following me shouting. Then a few hours later he apologised and said he was stressed etc.

Im not afraid of him as I genuninely feel that he wouldnt hurt me...its not his way. But its scary to be shouted out & when you're 32 wks pregnant it just gets a bit much. I just feel vulnerable and sad that he could treat me this way more than anything.

He is back to work tomorrow and Im going to spend boxing day with my parents, so hopefully I can have a better day tomorrow.

for you. What a shit going to his room after you cooked. How old is he? My dss wouldn't do that and they're 10 and 13.

What a tosser! You are not the one who should be apologising and you probably know this. If you do apologise, you will be reinforcing his negative behaviour pattern and sending him the message that his behaviour is acceptable to you.

It's hard when you're expecting a baby and just wish things could be made better for their sake. Unfortunately people generally don't change and the episode you've described doesn't sound like a misunderstanding or fluke. Not does it strike me as a very hopeful indication of a happy future life together.

I wish you luck and I think you'll need it.

Bloody Hell!!

I've just given the manchild I lived with his marching orders but even he would never have behaved like that!!!

You are so not being unreasonable OP!!!!

I'd stop doing anything for this massive baby if i were you, he sounds like he's 3 years old.

Please dig deep and find the strength to tell him to shape up or ship out before the real baby arrives.

He's 27...so no excuse for this behaviour at all...

Samay - he could be freaking out but the baby is very much planned and he is really excited about it. But I guess he could have some worries deep down. He just keeps on having these stupid tantrums and its not fair to keep making me feel like this. Every week he is shouting about something.

Now he has eaten & seems to be speaking to me. He popped his head round the door & asked me to come and relax with him in the bedroom.

I said that I was fine exactly where i was.

Now he probably feels guilty (as usual) but its too late for that as he has already ruined the day. Im not going to turn a blind eye and just carry on like nothings happened...

for you. What a tosser. And why does he get an iPhone and you get a lot less? I know it's not about money, but still...

So sorry to hear that your Christmas day has been spoilt by such an idiot.

'Unless this is an isolated incident and massively out of character I would be rethinking my relationship.'
I agree 100% with Korma.

It sounds like he is a bully and not a nice person to be around right now

hope you have a better day with your family tomorrow. Can you tell them about how he treats you?

yes i am hoping that things will improve and the tantrums will miraculously stop but my patience is wearing thin now...

Last week after the shirt fiasco I told him that if things didnt improve he would need to leave before the baby arrives as i cant have this sort of drama. He said then that he would do his best to calm down & rethink his attitude...but here we are again a week later....

I dont want him to go but I cant have someone here throwing things and shouting all the time. Thats not the environment I want myself or my baby to be in. I just want a bit of peace!!!

I really cannot wait for today to be over so I can go to my parents tomorrow. Im staying the night too so that will give me some good thinking time etc.

What's your domestic set-up? Do you both work?

There's nothing that really excuses his appalling behaviour, has he always been like this or is it since the pregnancy? You can fully want and plan a pregnancy and then be shit-shared when it actually comes along and responsibility of being the breadwinner (if that's the intention) becomes a reality.

Btw, why would he buy stuff for the baby for your Christmas present? That's just plain weird.

YANBU!

happy xmas from me though

I'm also confused about the buying of baby clothes for your xmas present. Wonder what he'd have said if you'd bought him baby clothes? After all, this baby is equally yours.

The hidden agenda I read is that he considers the baby as yours - i.e. your responsibility. I think you need to lay down some ground rules well before the baby's here.

Hope you enjoy tomorrow, you deserve to!

ellesbelles is a good name.
What a way to behave towards you.
Agree with whoever said why is he getting an iphone and you get baby clothes for a baby that isn't due til feb!!

Go to your parents now tonight. Get your dad or someone to pick you up or something but go now.
See what he thinks about spending the rest of xmas on his own. And don't come back until you have a massive apology.
Tell your family too, don't keep it hidden as that could stress YOU out ven more.

You don't need this kind of abuse especially when you are pg.

go to parents and have a better xmas tonight.

I am sick of reading this shite on here, why on earth do you tolerate being treated like that ??

FFs

we both work - I earn a lot more than he does and at the moment I pay for everything. When i ask him to help financially he says he cant afford it and then maybe just hands me the odd £50 or £100 on a random basis to help. He has told me that in the new year this will change when he start his new job and is on a better salary.

He got me baby clothes as he said "you're pregnant and i dont know what else to get you"

I was a bit let down but at the same time grateful for the gift and he had bought some lovely things.

He didnt really think about things that i might have liked but i've been brought up to appreciate whatever is given to you, so although I really didnt want baby stuff...Im not going to complain to him about it.

I know when I see my parents & brother tomorrow they will give me lots of things that I WILL actually like!

Well, it's all very well for all the 'spectators' on here to shout 'kick him out', etc. This is your baby's dad. And your H. (Not much of the D right now, admittedly.) I'm not defending his behaviour, but there surely has to be a discussion here soon where he explains to you what this is 'really' about.

Shitty behaviour is either a sign of nervousness or guilt in this kind of context, IMHO. It's just not black and white enough to look at the presenting behaviour (in this instance the toddler tantrum over the phone setup/the washing etc.) and say 'on the basis of those two strops, you should kick him out.' That's meeting childishness with childishness, and I think you'd regret it.

I think there's something behind all this - not necessarily something sinister. Could be nervousness about impending fatherhood, bad news about work as two examples. Stuff he's got on his mind that he doesn't want to worry you with?

Yes, he's being childish. But meeting that with a huge strop yourself will sap your energy, stress you and not necessarily solve a thing. Look after yourself and ask him what this is all about. You're right, you've nothing to apologise for, though.

Ellesbelles79 sorry but this really doesn't sound like a balanced relationship. Your pregnancy means that the only possible xmas present for you is baby clothes? Does he understand that the baby is his too? How will his life change once the baby is here? Are you planning on going back to work - I guess so, seeing as you're the bigger earner - but will he be doing the lion's share of childcare and housework?

The shirt fiasco too... he blamed you? Do you do all his washing and ironing?

PS Learn to plan about money stuff together, he might find it hard as your earnings aren't equal but that really is too bad. He shouldn't be 'helping' you - this is supposed to be a partnership, and if you're married everything is everyone's. Separate finances???! Bit of a strange setup, though I suppose if it works for you..

Doesn't sound good, though. You're doing it all and he's watching from the sidelines being resentful. Hmmm...