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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not say sorry & get on with my xmas?

173 replies

ellesbelles79 · 25/12/2010 16:40

hi all - sorry bit long...

I had a bit of a lie in this morning as was up half the night prepping food, cleaning etc.

OH gets up at 1230 and immediately asks where his xmas dinner is.

We open pressies (its just me & him today as its his only day off).

I get some perfume & baby clothes for our baby boy due in Feb.

He gets several gifts from me, with his main present being an i-phone 4 which i know he really wanted.

While I cook I leave him to set up his new toy...but he cant even put the sim card in so I help sort that out. Then he goes online to register the sim etc..but if asks for a serial number which he cant find. He immediately blames me, saying that I lost the details and becomes very impatient & agressive.

I look high and low but cant find this thing so suggest he rings t-mobile. He asks me to ring instead and while dialling he continuously goes on that I must have lost it etc, its my fault. blah blah blah

I tell him to stop with the attitude and he practically throws i-phone and packaging at me, storms out of the room with his laptop and goes into the bedroom. He has been there ever since, and has refused to eat the xmas dinner that I've made.

I feel like he is so ungrateful and out of order!!

A few mins ago I found the serial number he needed, right by where he was sitting. He clearly flung it to the side when he was initially trying to sort out the sim card etc. I havent told him that I've found it - he isnt speaking to me right now anyway.

It has taken me ages to cook dinner (as I've been sobbing my eyes out all afternoon)....but just feel like I will know eat my xmas dinner & dessert...and get on with xmas day, leaving him to carry on sulking in the bedroom.

AIBU?

I dont feel like I should have to go in there saying sorry for anything...as he has created such a drama over what is essentially nothing. Im so dissapointed and hurt by his behaviour tbh.

OP posts:

PeeringIntoAFestiveVoid · 31/12/2010 22:27

Just logged back on to see whether you had any news elles. I hope you roped in some parental support, and that you have that glass of wine/champagne at midnight!

Original poster

ellesbelles79 · 01/01/2011 01:48

Thanks peering - happy new year!
Im at parents house now and had my very tiny glass of champers to see the new year in.

OH is now my ex-OH and he has gone to stay with his sister tonight. Im not sure if he ended up going to the club with friends or not...but who cares? Not me!

He got back from having his haircut and I handed him his bags & asked him to leave. As expected, he tried to worm his way around me by saying that he had changed his mind about going out because it was too expensive and he wanted to keep the money aside for the baby. He was just trying to say what he thought I wanted to hear so I just didnt listen. He was pulling at my heart strings and said he would change...but I said that he can "change elsewhere". He can go and if he does make this change then all well and good....but I need to see it with my own eyes and I know if I let him stay he would be kind for a day...and then be right back to his old ways.

He got in a strop but when I told him my parents knew all about it he quietened down. He feels embarrassed that I have told them etc but hopefully the shame will make him pull his socks up.

Anyway, he has gone and I've taken back his key so he cant just come and go.

Was quite sad come midnight but hey ho...it is what it is...and I know that Im going to be better off in the long run.

Hope you all had a good one this evening xx

OP posts:

GingerbreadGiraffe · 01/01/2011 07:39

Happy New Year!

Well done Elles. You sound so in control and strong.

Look after yourself!

TyraG · 01/01/2011 08:51

I've read through the whole thread this morning and good for you for tossing him out.

It's going to be hard, but you seem like a very strong and determined woman and I think you will be just fine!

Happy New Year and as my ma always says, don't let the bastards get you down. :-)

StealthPolarBear · 01/01/2011 09:21

Happy New Year and well done!

fiveisanawfullybignumber · 01/01/2011 09:24

What a wonderfully strong young woman you are, good for you. It will be hard but actually your life in many ways will be easier without him dragging you down.
I know personally, the way he's treated you would have killed off most of the love I had for him, but remember, he can grow up and become a good father without you feeling like you have to take him back. He did this, so stay strong. Have a very unMN type hug!

pagwatch · 01/01/2011 09:38

Happy new year to you.

What a great start you have made to 2011 for both you and your baby. Your child will do well in life with a mother who shows such courage, determination and self respect.

Maybe you ex will learn to be a good parent if not a good partner .

Good luck to you.

StayFrosty · 01/01/2011 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamas12 · 01/01/2011 12:18

Good 2012 Elles with such a supportive family you can't go wrong.

Hopefully he will turn out to be a good father but whether or not he turns out to be a good partner needs to be seen.

FairhairedandFrustrated · 01/01/2011 15:21

Happy New Year Elles, and what a lucky little boy your son in already, having a mum who is prepared to go to any lengths to put him first

Take care x

QuintMissesChristmasesPast · 01/01/2011 17:08

Well Done!
Happy New Year!

TheLittleRaccoon · 01/01/2011 17:54

He sounds vile. Was this baby planned? If so, I'm struggling to understand why you'd want to breed with such a pig.

I understand that in the circumstances you're sort of stuck with him,at least for the time being, but brace yourself - he's going to get worse when the baby arrives.

ItsMeYourCathy · 01/01/2011 17:56

First of all - well done. Good for you for starting the new year with such a big decision that I know can't have been easy.

Please, please contact your local Women's Aid or Refuge charity for support and advice. Please don't think that your situation isn't warranting this - they can offer you so much from legal advice, support groups, help with changing locks etc. Also, think about going to Relate (not with him, alone) as they can help you go throuigh things objectively and hopefully enable you to empower yourself further to not end up in a bad situation further into your life. I am involved with both these organisations and I cannot praise them enough.
Good luck - your son is lucky to have mum like you (and your mum and family sound amazing too). Much love coming your way xxxxx

TheLittleRaccoon · 01/01/2011 17:58

Just read the whole thread and WELL DONE YOU!

Don't weaken and let him worm his way back in - you and your child are both better off without him and by the sounds if it, you'll do just fine without him!

PeeringIntoAFestiveVoid · 01/01/2011 19:01

Hope you've had a good New Year's Day ellesbelles and are still feeling strong and positive. Stick to your guns on this - you know you deserve to be treated better than he has been treating you.

If possible, keeping things as amicable as you can would benefit your baby, and you too. He seems to respect your parents, so maybe let them mediate in the first instance (as long as they're comfortable with that, of course), before recourse to solicitors etc. I'm not suggesting you let him walk over you at all, just saying that the less you (both) allow hostilities to escalate, the better it will be for everyone - you could point that out to him, too.

I really do wish you the best, and hope that you and he can find a way to be good co-parents and hopefully friends, even if your relationship is over. Don't beat yourself up too much if you take him back, either; personally it took me a long time of break-up-make-up before I finally managed to do what was necessarity for all of us, because I felt like I should be with the father of my child if possible. Luckily DD wasn't that old (2) by the time I realised that it was healthier for her to see her mother respected and valued in a relationship, than in a car crash of a relationship with her father.

PeeringIntoAFestiveVoid · 01/01/2011 19:03

necessarity a necessity

outnumbered2to1 · 01/01/2011 23:56

sorry but i would have taken the i-phone and stuck it in his dinner and drowned it gravy then flung the lot over his head quickly followed by his packed suitcase.

what an arse

outnumbered2to1 · 02/01/2011 00:01

sorry elles have just the read the rest of the thread. Good for you and i hope everything you wish for yourself and your bump in 2011 comes true!!

cumfy · 02/01/2011 10:02

how's it going ?

GingerbreadGiraffe · 04/01/2011 08:12

How are you doing Elles?

MsKLo · 04/01/2011 08:36

I have jus read this thread and wa open-mouthed at your ex's behaviour!

You have been so strong and brave and are doing the vest thing for your baby by chucking him out

Unless he changes don't take him back - he needs professional help to change that kind of behaviour

I wish you all the luck in the world and things will get better - you have taken a very courageous step, keep going x

monkeyflippers · 04/01/2011 09:53

Well done for being so strong!

Blatherskite · 04/01/2011 10:38

Sounds like you did the right thing. What an arse!

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