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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you tell me IABU I won't do it, do I take DC's money?

259 replies

DorasDilema · 17/12/2010 10:30

We are really struggling at the moment due to the time of year and DH?s hours been cut back at work.

We have scrimped together every penny to buy the DC a few small Christmas presents.

A distant relative sent me £30 in a card for the DC. Usually when this happens I give it out to the DC and they fritter it away on sweets etc. But as we are struggling so much this year I was thinking of keeping the money because it would help us hugely and mean we can buy a few treats for everyone for Xmas and the children already have presents from us and will gets loads from friends and family over the Christmas period

Trouble is I feel like it?s really wrong! Am I stealing from my children? I am so torn!

Ahh what do I do??

OP posts:
walkinginaWUKTERwonderland · 17/12/2010 15:17

No offence Hairy but it's much much easier to be skint when you're young with no kids.

I had a similar youth to yours, wasn't a heap of fun, but would've been terrible with a young family.

hairyfairylights · 17/12/2010 15:20

"Not just for kids to fritter when there is not enough food on the table."

But in this situation there is enough food on the table!!!

rainyspells · 17/12/2010 15:20

I can't believe there are people saying 'don't use it' or 'it's theft'.

Dora - use this money and don't worry about what others are saying.

It's not like you're using it to get yourself a manicure or something ridiculous like that, you're getting treats for the whole family to enjoy over Christmas - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT - please remember this. I like the idea of spending some of it on a family board game for you all then the rest on Christmas treats.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas (and bless you for spending your birthday vouchers on your children - if there's any money left after treats etc, you should see about getting yourself some new shoes - January sales start roundabout Christmas Eve now)

WinkyWinkola · 17/12/2010 15:20

Yanbu. Spend it as you need to. When times are better, you can always give the money back.

thisisyesterday · 17/12/2010 15:22

I have to say i would probably put the money in the children's bank accounts myself, i wouldn't buy more presents

but i certainly don't think it's "wrong" to buy treats for the children for over Christmas, as long as the children actually get them (in this house DP would probably snaffle any chocolate i bought in Hmm)!!!

hairyfairylights · 17/12/2010 15:23

I know it's much easier to be skint when you are young and have no kids. I am not so naive as to need that pointed out. I was answering another posters question, actually.

But the OP is asking a question here, why are people having a bit of a go at those of us who have offered an answer they don't agree with!

There is enough food to go around
The OP feels bad about what she is in a dilemma about doing
Treats are not necessities.

The OP has done what a lot of parents do - gone without shoes so that her rent can be paid and her kids can eat - that's a really hard situation to be in, but it is the right choice to make.

I do think this argument is getting way out of hand, but I find it very hard to resist answering direct questions about my opinion. It's just my opinion and the OP has asked for it on an open forum! So shoot me!

Bechka · 17/12/2010 15:26

To me, it doesn't seem like there is enough food on the table. OP should spend it where it is needed. I am really shocked by this nasty talk of "theft".

walkinginaWUKTERwonderland · 17/12/2010 15:26

Well the OP shouldn't feel bad.
She's the adult, she can decide what's necessary at Christmas.

loopylou6 · 17/12/2010 15:26

Wow, there's some really horrible patronizing twatty people on here. Op ya sooooo nbu

DandyLioness · 17/12/2010 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairyfairylights · 17/12/2010 15:29

Count yourself among them, loopy lets not get into personal insults, hey?

rinabean · 17/12/2010 15:30

My mum used to nick money people had given me to spend on fags. A lot more of it, too. OP, you are not being unreasonable, either to spend it on nice Xmas things for the family or on some decent shoes for yourself.

Sarsaparilllla · 17/12/2010 15:38

Spend the money on treats for the whole family - it's fine and ignore anyone who says it's not, if my mum had done this when I was a child and asked me now what do I wish she'd done I'd say the same. It'll make Christmas that little bit nicer for you all, and the kids will benefit from whatever you spend it on :)

herbietea · 17/12/2010 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pink4ever · 17/12/2010 15:40

FFS is this thread still dragging on? I really hope that the OP has had the common sense to bugger off and spend the money(hopefully on the new shoes that she needs).
II see this is turning into a bunfight(congratshairy) but as you say you are entitled to your opinion(personally if you had come on here and called me a thief I wouldnt be a happy bunny(putting it mildlyAngry.
I still stand by what I said about happymummyofone-she didnt post anything relevant or her opinion just a nasty,bitter judgement that was uncalled for.

teafortwo · 17/12/2010 15:41

HappyMum - Sorry, it seems that I have confused you for someone who was often causing offence on the one-child family topic with deeply unthoughtful comments about everyone-elses family situation bar hers. She would do it under various names and was particularly damning of big families and women mourning miscarriages. She worried me terribly because she obviously had lots of, I suspect, confidence issues about her own setup that she wasn't dealing with very well. To be honest with you, there were a lot of things I liked about her but... she could be so insulting and insecure about particular things that I do feel she needed professional support.

The tone of the final paragraph in your first post reminded me of her and your name choice would be her style too - I was certain it was her again... but VERY glad it is simply someone-else having a 'frank MN moment'.

Mibby · 17/12/2010 15:42

YADNBU

Spend it on whatever makes the best family Christmas, not just let the kids buy plastic rubbish. My parents did that and the memories of a good Christmas last much longer than cheap toys or more sweets

DandyLioness · 17/12/2010 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ballstoit · 17/12/2010 15:49

HappyMumofOne - what is wrong is the assumption that the op has spare cash to put away through the year. If this was the case then I case she'd be wearing decent shoes too wouldnt she?

So, you were smug, patronising and didnt read the op very well. Does that clear it up for you?

pink4ever · 17/12/2010 15:51

3 cheers for ballstoit!!

sarahfreck · 17/12/2010 15:53

In my opinion, getting the older children involved in deciding what to buy as treats for all of them could be a really lovely thing to do. You could xplain to them that the Christmas food you can afford will be very basic ( no cake, chocs, mince pies etc) but Aunty x has sent this money as a Christmas present for them all. You think that a great idea would be to use it to buy Christmas treats for them all and what do they think. I bet they'd have great fun choosing, budgeting etc (you could maybe go with the top suggestion from each child as long as it is within budget?)

If you end up getting wrapped chocolates like Quality Street, Roses etc, you could get the children to save the wrappers to make a "thank you" collage card which I bet Aunty would enjoy!

hairyfairylights · 17/12/2010 15:54

Oh sod off, pink4ever.

I (among others) answered the OP's question, was questioned/berrated for it and have tried to explain why I answered as I did.

This is AIBU ffs. Actually the OP mentioned the word theft, was in a dilemma, and asked for opinions.

You're the one insulting people, here.

hairyfairylights · 17/12/2010 15:56

Sarahstoit totally agree and I think I suggested similar earlier.

hairyfairylights · 17/12/2010 15:57

woops. mixup of names there. sarahfreck

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree · 17/12/2010 15:57

Please please spend the money on the family.

First priority for the family is that mum has warm dry feet so buy some boots and don't feel in the slightest bit guilty.

If you really feel unable to do that then spend it on chocoaltes and treats, a DVD or a game whatever it is woul make your chirstmas more christmasy.

The thought of the OP trudging into town in this weather with cold wet feet to buy £5 worth of "stuff" for each DC with only a roast chicken and vegetables for Christmas day makes me truely sad Sad