Husbands DD is taking us for a ride?

[welshbyrd]

Husband DD13yrs.

He moved 100 miles to be with me, however, he always attends contact etc. We has our own DD 19 months together, his DD adores her.

We got married a few months ago, and it was first time his DD had met my DD age 12 & DS age 7,[from prevous relationship]. His DD and my DD got on fab, so well infact they have added each other on facebook etc, for chats etc. Fab we thought.

However, in time me and DH been together, seems his daughter only makes any contact, phone calls etc near her birthday and xmas, we try and give both DD about the same, in last 3 years, his DD has had 2 phones, a laptop[for schoolwork etc]digital camera, as main presents, and had lots of other bits beside, even DC shoes which she asked for £50 quid.W has discovered after, her mum only gave her £5 in card, for birthday.
We had planned to give my DD £150 and same to his daughter, aswell as smellies, clothes and few other bits etc. However, she has asked for a£300 blackberry phone[we only bought her a phone in feb for her birthday], DH said no, as she had phone a few months ago[wouldnt have mattered if she had only wanted a £30 phone.
She never bothered wanting contact on halloween, which my DH accepted,and beleives it is because we dont bring gifts for halloween. DH aims to have religous contact with DD her birthday, easter, his birthday, halloween, and xmas, and whatever she wants in between, however, like said had phone call a few weeks ago saying she wanted this phone.
Got told yesterday, she doesnt want my DD to come to see her,for visit next saturday[perhaps she felt in future maybe] however her and my DD, have regular contact on FB.DH is on facebook, though his DD never chats to him etc

Future plans would be she would have over nights down here etc,this is what she saying to us she wants to happen, however, she is telling others different things.
Husband is convinced she only wants the gifts, almost to the point, if he dropped them off without contact, she would be ok with that.
Only contact she has actively made to her dad in a year is, 2 weeks before xmas last year, 2 weeks before her birthday in Feb, and 2 weeks ago, to let us know about the phone she wanted.

I only got a few messages down and I am shocked.
Can i also make the point that I find the term 'contact' (when used often, not just for when failing to find a better word) is quite alien to me... It's his daughter for goodness sake and yet it's all about 'attending contact'

This is f**ked up.

An yes, less presents, more time.

And what does it say about the OP that she started this only to complain about the presents? Way to focus.

I'd better hide this as its actually upsetting me.

Yes I think it is not really up to her to initiate contact. I am 28 and tbh my mum probably calls me more than I call her, but SHE IS MY MUM and that's what parents do. Don't think my mum would refuse to buy me xmas presents just because I didn't call her often enough...

Wow - this has really opened my eyes to how some people look treat their children. Abandoning them with a volatile addicted mother, letting them go into foster care, turning up 5 times a year for 'contact', occasionally talking on facebook, moving in with a new woman and her kids rather than trying to set up home youself, complaining about the cost of christmas presents. This makes me remember how much effort my parents put in to finding good homes when OUR CAT HAD KITTENS. Stark contrast to the way this poor child has been treated. What a reminder of how grateful I should be about the way I was brought up.

I just typed a huge post then lost my internet connection. Basically I wanted to say Bonnie ((((hugs))))). No wonder you are upset by this thread. It has brought loads of things to the surface for me too. Stuff I haven't thought of in years.

I feel dead mean that I have been hard on my dsis too, telling her that it was a difficult situation and that everyone did their best.

Well actually they didn't. Not at all. It upsets me that I have hardened my heart to it and not understood how much it hurt her.