To not bath my son in a month

[Ryoko]

He's 7 months old and it's too damn cold in here, (he is starting to get stinky tho).

I don't normally do it but a lot has been left unsaid and she sounds full of resentment.

I have BDP (similar to bipolar) so i understand where OP is coming from. At my worst moments i couldn't eat, drink or wash myself. But i have a cat + put out fresh water daily with her IAMS.
When even that basic care was too much to cope with then i got help.
Use baby wipes at least to clean DS. Then get help- you have another life to care for. You have made the 1st step by posting here.

I only pay for the food

Buy your food, buy your son's food & buy a heater with what you would buy your dps food with.

Really, this is ridiculous, living like this. DO something! STOP buying games consoles & get your child warm & bathed.

This is bordering on neglect & you CAN do something about it!

I can't wash him on my own it takes one to hold him and one to wash him

Why does it take 2? I have bathed both my girls as babies, single handed! If you can't do it by yourself, get his change mat, put a towel on it, strip him down & clean him with a flannel! Then you can wrap the towel around him!

I don't get your excuse of not being able to wash him by yourself.

Put a squirt of baby wash in a bath of warm water, and swish him around a bit, then get him dried. Easy. Or use a flannel and wash him on a towel. Either option is preferable to letting him go a month without a decent wash. He's 7 months old, that's quite hardy, a few minutes getting washed is ok.

DRy buys the food. Dp pays the bills. He won't let her put the heater on because of the bills. He is being controlling. Savings are in Dp bank not hers.Ry is full of resentment to Dp. Sounds depressed. Got zero hours contract job testing games.(so one more reason not to jump on the judgemental bandwagon, certain people, this thread reminds me of one the other day where poster was jumped on for making mistake of getting contract 'phone, maybe he 'lets' her buy a games console, but not put heating on, maybe it's to do with her job, not main issue here).

Ryoko you can't catch a cold from getting wet and cold. You catch a cold from a virus. There have been studies done on it. volunteers stand in a cold drafty coridoor, wet, in swimsuits. They do not catch colds more than the warm dry volunteers.

Ryoko, don't know how much your df earns but you can fill in tax credits form or ring them up. Then you get child tax credits put in your account, not his. If he is not helping, and being controlling with money, you can speak to him about it, or you can leave, or make him leave, and you can claim income support, even if you have zero hours contract job. You can claim that until you get a 16 hours a week job. Then you can claim tax credits, and help from tax credits to pay for childcare.

Ryoko speak to a doctor or health visitor about all your problems. Or phone a helpline. Get some real life help. Like previous poster said, you have made the first step by posting here.

oh, and maybe you can put the heater on when DF is out?

As babies get older, bathing them is not so scary, they can sit up so don't weigh on your arm so much and make it ache. It won't hurt him to get cold while you bath him.

ryoko We've spoken before, and I'd noticed your posts getting angrier and angrier, wish I'd asked how you were doing earlier. Is there anything that could be done to help you?

First of all I thought this was a joke.
Then I looked at how the OP spoke about her DP and I thought she sounded drunk.
Now I don't know what to think...

Is there a sports centre nearby? Go swimming with you DC. You can both get nice and clean and it will be warm.
If you are depressed, it will be a big step, but you will feel so much better for getting out and active.

Where abouts in the country are you? I'm sure there is a mumsnetter that would go with you.

The SureStart idea was great. They can also show you how to bath your DC so it doesn't take 2 of you.

I'm so sad for all of you if this is real :(

This is horrible - that poor baby. You write this thread like you think it is funny - what's the matter with you woman? Bathe your baby and start acting responsibly

The way I read it further up the thread there was some issue with her arm which meant it was hard for her to hold the baby.

I think this must be depression - this lack of ability to see past self-imposed conditions (I only pay for the food, DP should be the one to buy the heater, therefore there will be no heater)

Can I ask you about your gaming? Three hours a night is quite a commitment for someone with a small baby with a partner they feel doesn't help enough? I do understand, DH is a gamer - but wouldn't sleep be a better investment at the moment?

Ryoko, you have savings, and your baby's comfort is non-negotiable. People up and down the country on salaries much smaller than yours and your DP's are saying, sod it, I'll work out how to pay for the heating later, I have a baby and that must come first.

Is your DP actually refusing to pay for the heating? Have you said to him - DS must have a heater, it's too cold for him, and has your DP actually said this is unacceptable to him?

Neglect is what it is. Stop the excuses. If you ar unable to care for your child then give him/her to those who can

Clean the poor child, get off your ass, get a job and get the hell out of there then apply for child support.

Honey if I can bathe a 3 and 4 year old by myself (together no less) you can bathe one 7 month old baby. Give me a damned break.

YABU, you seem to be saying that you cannot afford to use an elctric heater for a few mins to get the room warm to wash yr baby but you can cleary afford internet to be on MN moaning about your cold house. IMO you need to get your priorities in order.

Bumping.
The OP sounds in a bad way. I really hope she comes back.

Ryoko how are you feeling this morning?

I cant actually believe some of the replies on here - absolutely fucking disgusting. Very helpful all. Well done. No doubt, the OPs child will now be very well looked after as you've told her how awful she is and to get a grip. Job done.

Tyra your medal is in the post..

Why is he getting stinky? Havent you heard of a sponge bath!

Ryoko how are you today? If your DF/Dp won't let you put heater on, he is wrong.

Some people on here are being harsh Ryoko. It is because they are concerned about your dc. They don't seem to understand harsh words will drive you away from looking at posts that have kind words and useful advice.

If he pays internet bill, and is controlling, stopping internet or other money saving ideas will not give Ryoko access to money for heating.

I'd say give dc a quick bath, cold won't hurt him for a few minutes. If you really feel you can't, at least clean skin creases with baby cream. But please just give dc a bath.

If you decide to leave, or kick him out, you can get help with money while you look for a job with better contract and hours. And you can get the CSA to claim money from dc father to support DC.

Can you phone or go to a Sure Start Centre, as someone else suggested? They can help you and also refer you to other sources of help.

Please ask for some real life help. If you really feel you cannot go out, phone for advice, look on internet, or ask for a home visit. Don't say you need home visit because waiting for a parcel though! That will lose sympathy!

x posts

Surely a baby would get colder from being sponged with water in na cold room, than being undressed and being put in a warm bath of water?

I

that's true geep but ryoko finds bathing baby difficult and sponge bath better than nothing

Have you got your dcs red book from health visitor Ryoko? There should be helpful local numbers to ring in there.

Too many inconsistancies for this to be real...

Computer games tester who only plays computer games 3 hours a week (I think not).

Dp who is incredibly lazy, but who works all the hours God sends...

Legitimate computer games tester who uses an illegally chipped console.

If it IS true then you are sitting in a house playing computer games all day every day, you have a 7 month old who you don't take out, don't bath and are seriously neglecting. MNHQ should be finding out your details, passign them to the police and reporting you to the authorities as soon as is humanly possible for the sake of the longterm care and wellbeing of your child.

If this story isn't true then you are an attention seeker who is in a mutually abusive relationship and you need to get out, for the long term care and wellbeing of your child.

Ryoko, www.womensaid.org.uk 0808 2000 247. Tell them about him not letting you put heater on, (and anything else you want to)