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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not bath my son in a month

271 replies

Ryoko · 11/12/2010 12:42

He's 7 months old and it's too damn cold in here, (he is starting to get stinky tho).

OP posts:
PlentyOfParsnips · 11/12/2010 17:01

Oh wouldn't it all be nicer if depressed people would just cry daintily and then smile gratefully when help is offered?

When I was depressed, I was an absolute pain in the arse. Horrible to be around, made lots of really stupid, irrational decisions, lashed out at people who didn't deserve it, alienated just about all my friends ... there's a reason why people with mental health problems often end up socially isolated and it's not all because of the stigma.

Ryoko, you know this isn't right. You're going to have to bite the bullet and ask for the help you need. Please go to your GP on monday. If you really can't face going out, get a home visit. Talk about how you are feeling and also about the physical weakness you are experiencing. The things you describe - not being able to bath the baby alone, having such a struggle with the buggy and the stairs - these are things most people can manage. It's possible that there's an underlying physical problem there.

Meanwhile, please bath your baby and yourself, somehow. Do it now. You don't have to enjoy it, just get it done.

I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the strength you need.

APixieInMyTea · 11/12/2010 17:05

ryoko once you have realised that your child isthe most important thing right at this very minute and decide to give him a bath let me know.

I have a bath seat, been used once. Baby sits in it and you have both hands free to wash him, keep warm water on him. I will happily post it to you for free!

atyourservice · 11/12/2010 17:14

This post is worrying.

If this is real (and even if not real) the OP has some real problems; possibly depression or learning difficulties or both, neither of which are things to be ashamed of.

ryoko please ask your HV or GP or someone for help if washing is a real problem.

If you are simply looking for some contact and have made this up, as others have said, the better way might be to post in parenting or relationships.

What else do you do with your baby, feeding playing etc are there some good things you can tell us about?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 11/12/2010 17:20

I have read the thread.

I have a whole host of mental illness, its not an excuse to neglect your child.

Sorry, my comment stands

CheekyLittleStocking · 11/12/2010 17:22

Right from what i can gather. OP hasnt bathed her baby in over a month because its cold. She hasnt bathed in a week because shes waiting for a parcel ]hmm]
And her partner hasnt bathed in over 2 weeks because he is lazy Confused

You have no money to buy a fan heater (£20 in Tescos) but yet you have just bought a PS3 - a PP quoted what you had wrote on another thread that after everything paid over you have over £2k in bank Shock i dont get that in a 2 months so thank yourself lucky?!

You then said you dont have no money because your partner cant fill out the Tax Credit form? Pick up a pen and do it yourself

Everyone on this thread was Hmm and Confused and Shock until someone pointed out
Oh i think OP might be suffering from PND.

Im sorry but i had bad PND for 18 months - which started after the birth of my 1st son, i lived in a 1st floor flat that was fucking freezing, my auntie gave us a oil heater to use and it was that cold it didnt make a blind bit of notice - when it was icy the windows would ice up inside. I had PND then (but covered it up) but i still managed to bath my son. I placed the oil heater near a chair in the landing of the flat with the baby towel over the chair so the heater would warm it up. Worked a treat to keep my young one warm til he was properly dressed.

As for you getting a bath, why can you not have a bath when you partner is in the house then if the parcel comes - he can get it.

As for your partner not getting a bath, wel lets hope he doesnt expect oral sex anytime soon eh!?

BeerTricksPotter · 11/12/2010 17:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spikeycow · 11/12/2010 17:33

Can people stop saying she's abusing her P? He sounds like a major twat! I'm not surprised she's depressed. Do you feel he's dragged you down OP? Is he working hard or does he take days off for nothing etc? Nothing worse than a whining bloke when he doesn't even have anything to moan about. Do you want to buy an electric heater? If you used your child benefit money to buy one what would he say?

Bathsheba · 11/12/2010 17:34

So if you haven't been able to have a bath for 2 weks because you are waiting on a parcel, I assume you haven't left the house for 2 weeks either...

So your baby hasn't been outside for 2 weeks. I'm doubting you have been able to get fresh food in that time either, fresh milk, fresh fruit and veg...

IF this post is genuine (and tbh I doubt it is because surely no-one would sit on that level of tenterhooks for 2 weeks on a delivery) then you have big BIG problems and you need to see someone about it As Soon As Possible.

Bathsheba · 11/12/2010 17:39

And EITHER your DP works every hour God sends, OR he is a lazy arse....

Its hard to be both.

If he is LAzy, he is there to help you up and down the stairs with the pram and wait in for this parcel whilst uyou have a bath.

If he ISN'T there because he is at work, then he isn't the lazy arse you portray him to be.

Its made up. Attention seeking, but made up.

CheekyLittleStocking · 11/12/2010 17:41

claps hands to Bathsheba

Yeah he cant be lazy if hes working. If he doesnt work and still doesnt help out then he is lazy but only YOU can change that.

Reality · 11/12/2010 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

violethill · 11/12/2010 17:42

Some of us DO consider calling your partner a 'nice but dim whiny bitch' abusive.

Some of us do not think its acceptable. Or that you then excuse it by saying, oh well they deserve it.

I wonder if it would be condoned if it were a man posting here, mouthing off about his wife like that? And then saying ah well, she deserved it?

I don't condone abuse of any human being- end of.

monkeyjamtart · 11/12/2010 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PressureDrop · 11/12/2010 17:46

But it's not the most pressing issue, violethill.

The most pressing issue is Ryoko's mental health, and the effect her state of mind is having on her baby.

I agree with Reality. I feel really worried by all of this Sad

spikeycow · 11/12/2010 17:47

And what if she won't get a heater to avoid a man tantrum? We don't know enough about the situation to call her abusive at all. She has said he isn't controlling but why can't she have a heater then?

spikeycow · 11/12/2010 17:48

What is she putting up with to be in this frame of mind? What is he doing to support her?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 11/12/2010 17:52

He goes to work spikey

sometimes women can be lazy moaning fuckers to, this COULD be one of those.....spose that lable isnt quite as trendy though

(and i say that as an oh so trendy Bipolar sufferer Grin )

spikeycow · 11/12/2010 17:55

Well if she does have depression he needs to do more than go to work. He should be taking her to a doctor, making life easier in the home by having adequate heat, helping with the baby. If the OP hasn't bathed the child he should do it. The fact he hasn't makes me wonder about him. We need more info

violethill · 11/12/2010 17:56

She could have a heater, but it seems she'd prefer to spend her money on more games consoles.

Jajas · 11/12/2010 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flingingflangin · 11/12/2010 17:56

When we were children (in the early 80s) so not that long ago, mum would run a bath we'd have first dip DSis and I, then mum would put the oven on full blast and we'd go into the kitchen to get dried. Either DM or DD would then get in the bath, top it up for the other person. Literally all 4 of us used the same bath water. My DH usually jumps into the bath after the kids in our house now! No wastage there!

violethill · 11/12/2010 17:57

Perhaps he's depressed too. Not unlikely, from reading this thread

spikeycow · 11/12/2010 17:57

I thought she was a games tester for her job previously? Maybe that would explain the consoles? OP where are ya

violethill · 11/12/2010 17:59

She's not working now. So as she didn't have to give the consoles back, she could flog them. No one needs that many. Or even any.

CheekyLittleStocking · 11/12/2010 17:59

Same here, my two boys aged 4 and 2 share their water by getting in together - me or dh dont get in after them because 2yr old has a phase for weeing in it before he gets out Hmm

but me and dh share water.