To not bath my son in a month

[Ryoko]

He's 7 months old and it's too damn cold in here, (he is starting to get stinky tho).

This is such a sad post.

I have depression, I know things can get overwhelming, but I can safely say that even in my darkest hour my kids have been fed and clean. You don't have to bath him every day, but it takes 5 mins for a quick wash with a flannel. If I was having a bad time, then I'd ask DH to bath the kids which he happily did. Won't your DF bath the baby for you?

This may sound harsh Ryoko but if you want to sit festering in your own filth having not washed for weeks, fair enough. You're an adult, and when it gets too much you can choose to go and wash. Your baby is reliant entirely on you and your DF for his comfort. He can't get up and wash himself when he feels uncomfortable, sticky, grimy. Please just give him a wash, he's not going to catch a cold from it.

If you do have depression then you really do need to seek help. Things will get better once you make the first step.

It's all on so many levels.

violethill if she wants to work again in the games industry, she probably does need a console. It's a very fast-moving industry and you're expected to keep bang up-to-date with all the latest titles.

PhishFoodAddiction
i agree with everything you said. When i had PND or when im feeling very low then the first thing i want to do is relaxing the bath whilst DH looks after the kids - have a bit of me time. I bath everyday, my hair gets washed everyday - if not i feel dirty - to not bath for a week would make me itch! i bath everyday between 6-7pm which like now - my bath is running while im here. If i dont have a bath until after 8 my routine goes out the window and i feel out of sync with myself.

I think having a bath everyday - whether its a long soak or just a quick dip makes you feel 10 times better than you did before you got in it. Specially if you have a long soak with Radox Ahhhh radox!!!

So OP tell your bloke to look after DS for 15 mins or 30 mins whilst you have a bath then he can get in it after you.

Yeah a long soak in the bath always makes me feel better, especially if it's really hot and bubbly.

Ryoko - have read the whole thread and agree that something isn't right. I am not on here to flame you, but please please please give your poor child a bath. This isn't right on so many levels.

This isnt about money, this is about you. Your child does not deserve to stink because your priorities are so unbelievably wrong.

This thread is beyond depressing and sad.

sorry but thats gross. don't get the cold thing. our heating doesn't come on until 7pm and often bath dc before then. fill up bath with warm water, he'll be warm in the bath and cuddle him a big towel on the way out.

parcel is not going to come at 6.30pm normal time for bathing baby.

ryoko I live in a flat - up two flights of stairs. I'm 5'4". I get out with DS every day when I'm home with him except for when we had terrible snow.

I have a fan heater - as our place is drafty and cold. Only need it on for short bursts. The heater costs £20. Or an oil filled plug in radiator costs a few pennies an hour to run.

Where do you live?

I've been thinking about this eve and actually had tears in my eye's bathing my ds's tonight.

ryoko please come back to the thread and read the replies and give us your thoughts on a few things.

If you have PND you need support and you need it now because if you don't get it this could all spiral further down hill and I hate to think how your baby boy would suffer due to that.

If you haven't got PND well, you still sound like you need some kind of help somewhere and people here will be able to direct you in the right direction.

Pixie keeps her fingers crossed that ryoko is having a nice evening giving herself and her son a nice warm bath

Im really, really concerned about this. Ryoko, I think most people realise there is so much going on here. Please come back and speak to us, we can help.

try an economic halogen heater - direct.tesco.com/q/R.209-3646.aspx

Ryoko, to be blunt, do you have a learning disability? I ask because I have worked with mums with learning disabilities before, and some of them were also prone to getting overwhelmed by the simple everyday things, like keeping their baby warm and clean.

With the right support, some of them went on to be good mums. Unfortunately, some of them didn't. There is help and support available, but you'll need to ask for it.

Same as those without learning disabilities, no doubt, Agent.

Op. I am really concerned for your lovely ds, I have spoke to my DH and we would be happy to finance some sort of heater for your ds so he can have a bath. Wouldn't be till till after Xmas tho as we are still struggling to finish up the Xmas shopping.

Bloody hell, the baby needs a bath so give him one, what happened in the good old days before central heating. Nice warm bath quickly, then towel dry him. He cant remain stinky and uncomfortable. Or if not, towel bath him like they do in hospitals.

I don't need my heating on to have hot water - is that not normal?

I have had (and still do have) PND and have days/weeks/months where i don't want to go out, i don't want to look at myself in the mirror etc but my children have never gone a month without bathing - even when we had no hot water for almost a year! (filled the bath up with water from the shower which wasn't affected)

Unfortunately it is neglect to leave your child in that state but it's not too late to turn it around. When you boil the kettle for a brew = pour some water in a bowl and let it cool. You can then give him a "flannel wash". Get in all the creases especially at the top of his legs because as he learns to move, as they do at this age!, the grub will start to chafe.

As several peopel have already pointed out, if you want to avoid bathing or going out that's fine but you need to do those things for your child whether you want to or not - it's what mothers are for.

Ryoko I live in a 3rd floor flat and get out daily and I am only 5ft 5inches. I also have 2 DCs a 3 yr old and a 22 month old now but even when I only had 1 baby I lived in a 3rd floor flat.

You can buy an Ergo baby carrier, sling the baby in it and off you go, or what I do is leave the children safe and take the buggy downstairs first into the lobby and then go back upstairs retrieve the baby from cot/ playpen and go back downstairs with the baby. Job done and you're off. Or if you have a car leave the buggy in the car boot and then you never have to traipse it up and down the stairs at all. However perhaps an ergo is the way forward for you to get out more?

In regards to baths, my flat isn't that warm but I'd leave the towel on the radiator to warm it up, make sure the bath water was hot, wash them quick and then wrap in a warm towel off the radiator.

YABU not to bath your child. Yes you could do a top and tail every day instead but kids love baths don't they by 7 months? My two did. Loved playing with the toys in the bath and the bubbles.

I admit I've only read Ryoko's posts all the way through so no doubt someone else may have mentioned these ideas but I would have gone rather mad being stuck indoors all the time with a 7 month old baby. Fresh air is good too even if it is only to buy a pint of milk.

You're not depressed are you? I've gone through stages of depression where everything felt like an effort if you're feeling very low please speak to your GP. I'm currently on ADs and feel like a new woman.

Where do you live Ryoko? If you live locally to me then I'd happily wash your ds for you because the thought of him not having had a wash for a month makes me feel I don't understand why you struggle bathing your ds- I've bathed mine in different ways like using a washing up bowl, kitchen sink, getting in with them as well as the more traditional baby bath. Did you bathe him today?

I've lived in a flat with a baby so I get that doing more than one trip up and down the stairs is a pain in the bum. Have you tried a sling instead?

Ryoko, you do sound very depressed

I agree with many of the comments above: you really need to speak to your GP or HV, they can offer all kinds of help, both medical and practical. I know from personal experience that PND is an insidious illness; left untreated it turns you into a shell incapable of carrying out even the most basic of tasks. For the sake of both you and your son you need to deal with it, now!

But before you do that, please give your son a bath! I didn't have one for a week because my boiler broke down during this cold weather, and ended up feeling like something from the bottom of a pond. (Trust me, even a darn good wash doesn't help after three or four days). Your little guy must be feeling pretty much the same.

PS: Former games tester? Cool! Former games writer, nice to meet you :-)

I suffer from depression and my children have always been well groomed etc - I didnt say this earlier as I simply dont think its helpful to compare and if the OP is suffering from depression, how could I possibly judge the severity of that depression in comparison to mine? I dont think its fair at all.

My children have always been well taken care of, even through my most debilitating bouts of depression. But thats fine for me to say, as I have an extremely supportive mother who lives right next door and knows about my illness and often wonders in to take my daughter for a drive/ walk or my son for a trip. She'll throw on a wash and give me a chance to get a shower or something. I also have a husband who has fabulous time off work and is very involved with his children/ housework etc. I dont think its helpful to make the OP feel even worse about herself, those of you who have suffered from depression should understand that you already feel rubbish and inadequate enough without anyone pointing out your faults/ making you feel worse.

Oh, Im not condoning this at all. I'll be honest and say I am very, very worried for this child but not just about the bath situation from the contents and tone and oddness of OPs posts. I feel this was a cry for help and with the usual MN holier-than-thou judginess, we seem to have encouraged someone who, in my opinon is in need of help for herself and her child.

To all those worried about this baby boy, I think it might be a good idea to help his mother therefore assisting him.

OP, if you have been scared off or simply dont want to come back here, (although you should as despite the unsupportive posts, there have been some very helpful and caring ones too!!) please feel free to PM and I promise you'll find some help.

I have searched on past posts made by you OP and I am worried.

If I knew you I would contact Surestart and see if you could get a volunteer to come round or go and see the GP and get their help to located your HV.

That was "in need of help for herself and her child to run away..

Ryoko thought of your DS tonight at bathtime

When I used to live in places with no/crap central heating I used an oil filled radiator to warm the bathroom up first. It was my only heating in one house & I got a timer plug so it would come on in the morning too!

Am jealous of the games testing - I'm just a boring corporate s/w developer...

I've just looked at past threads aswell. How often does the twat shout at your child? No wonder you call him names

Am going to look now.. that sounds terrible spikeycow (although I have to admit, I ususally hate bringing past posts into a thread but in this case I think its necessary and very relevant)

Was also thinking of you at DS bathtime and although we're lucky enough to have moved when dd was a baby, we lived in an ancient, tiny, freezing cottage.

Was remembering that when we used to bath her, would light huge fire in kitchen/ sitting room with scrap wood/ turf etc.. from outside. Would let heat up for about 2 hours, would boil kettle to heat water and throw in a basin in front of fire, would heat towel on radiator and bath her quickly there. Would have her clothes heated and ready to get dressed immediately. do you have option of open fire/ stove?