To not bath my son in a month

[Ryoko]

He's 7 months old and it's too damn cold in here, (he is starting to get stinky tho).

Ryoko, I asked quite a while ago - are you OK? You don't sound like you are in a good place. If you'd like someone to talk to, I am happy to listen.

Ryoko, this thread is about to really turn on you, NOW is the time for you to cut the crap and start talking about why you are doing this.

"The PS3 is to keep him off my Jail Breaked one, because he would brick it. (look that up if you don't understand) spend money, to save money."

I don't understand this and have no intention of looking it up - you're a grown woman who needs to put her child first rather than playing games. Spend money to save money is rubbish - you need to spend some money to keep your poor child clean.

If your DF is going to break your games console hide the leads so he can't play on it.

If you can afford not 1 but 2 ps3s, you can afford a gas heater, the type you use cannisters for, that way you can buy them and they wont go on the heating bill (though why any man would not want to pay for heating the home his baby lives in is beyond me, if he is so strict on bills, maybe get rid of the consoles, they must take up electric?) tbh from what you have said, you both sound like you have your prioroties wrong, babies needs come top of the list, washing/bathing/socialising is included in babies needs, your gaming should come right at the very bottom after baby has been out, fed, washed, settled, housework done and so on.

she has a super duper swanky "chipped" PS3 that is worth mroe money but she doesn't trust the man she has chosen to have a child with not to break this super duper PS3 so she has had to buy him his own one.

and yet despite having central heating ( not the good sense of humour she actually posted as having) she chooses not to wash herself or her son because it may whack the bill up by an extra 50p taht day.

I'm a little confused. Are you really justifying buying a second PS3 instead of putting the heating on, because your df will break yours so it works out cheaper to do this rather than having to replace yours after he's broken it??

I don't think I have ever read in rl or on mumsnet something so seriously screwed.

The only heating we have is a gas fire in the lounge, theres no heating upstairs at all, we have only just got double glazing so that improved things... The kids jump in the bath with one of us, the baby bathes with me.... then we take them downstairs to get dried in the warm lounge. Even when our water heater broke we heated saucepans and kettles to get a small quick bath for us all. There's always ways around things.

Obviously Ryoko has got some major issues.

I don't think everyone jumping on her and mauling her is going to help her baby, though.

Ryoko, stay and talk.

Can you see how wrong it seems to many people here that you are waiting in for an expensive game to arrive, yet your child is dirty and cold? Do you want to talk some more about what's going on? You sound quite down.

but the heating isn't even broken!!!!!!!!!

I'm presu,ing Jailbreaked means chipped in someway to play illegal games.

Bricked means the chip will no,longer work and the console won't play normal games. Loads of gaming companies have now set their consoles so that if the console realises it's chipped it shuts down and won't work anymore. It's all very technical and complicated.

In defence of the op I lived in a very old house before this one and it was bloody freezing. I didn't want to bathe because getting out was awful. I did bathe because sitting in a tub full of hotwater was the only way to get warm.

I had single glazed windows with rotting frames and damp everywhere. I had the very old and useless GCH on full whack all day long, but it made v little difference.

Op - do you have a fire in the living room? Fill the baby bath using a jug and bath ds in front of the fire. You bath on a night and dive straight into bed after you have a had quick rub down with a towel.

You do sound like you need someone to talk to and you need some practical help.

Is this a joke? You seriously need to have a good hard think about what being a parent means. Sell the PS3s and use the money to heat your home, cloth and feed your child and wash him.

I hardly play anything, maybe about 3 hours a week after the boy has gone to bed.

I can hardly get out the house what with being up 2 flights of bloody stairs you try getting a push chair with a baby in it up and down the stairs when you are a 5'4 nerd, I can only buy what I can fit in the backpack, I've only got two hands.

I feed him good organic food, buy him good nappies and make sure he stays warm with fluffy sleep suits, he's got more toys then you can shake a stick at and I try to play with him as much as I can, but it's tiering when you can't hold him for more then 5 mins without your arm going, I can't wash him on my own it takes one to hold him and one to wash him, I love my little boy (his father is a lazy arse).

I do the washing up, I do the cleaning, I do the laundry, I do the cooking, I carry the shopping and pay for it, nothing gets done unless I give up waiting and eventually do it, Its been five months and counting and DF still hasn't filled out the Tax Credit form.

Why the hell do I have to do everything and why do I get no fucking help with anything.

TBH if I was still working, had an income, I'd be out the damn door, looking after one real kid instead of one kid and one idiot, in a ground floor flat, with proper windows that shut properly and a decent boiler that has a big tank in it.

Get a job then.

You said your DF has - what, 2 grand in the bank after everything's paid for? You can certainly afford childcare between you. FGS it's only one child anyway, no big deal. Loads of people live two floors up or more with more kids than you. Or twins.

Can you not fill in the tax credits form? If you dont have hot water you could boil the kettle to heat up water and mix it with cold water in the sink and bathe your son in that. It is better than nothing. If you only play it for 3 hours then you probably dont need it.
It sounds like your DF is a pain and you dont sound like you want to be with him

What's going on with your DF? Is he genuinely lazy? Does he work? What sort of dad is he to your son?

You sound very unhappy, Ryoko. Have you got any good friends or relatives nearby?

You need to get proactive Ryoko.
You do sound a bit depressed. If so, it makes getting stuff done much harder. First task - get to the GP if you suspect there may be something in what I've said.

Your relationship doesn't sound good. It seems like it's run its course. You do have a bit of money. Use it to make your life better. That's what money is for.

I have been where you are now in a flat with no central heating, no fires, single heating with louvre windows and gaps in the wall you could see the outside through.

At 5'4" you are taller than me and I got up just the same number of stairs.
You bought the console when you had a job, so now you don't and are struggling financially, sell it. Stop buying organic, buy him the nappies that will do rather than the ones which only make you feel better about yourself and spend the money you save on the heating.

I understand things are difficult but you have got to get a sense of perspective on this for the health of your child. I also understand your fiance sounds very unhelpul but you cannot blame everything on him - with much of these things the buck stops with you. Having no income doesn't mean there's no way out.

Again: do you think you have post-natal depression?

Your problem is not the cold, it is not the bath it's his dad.

Stop doing his washing, stop doing his ironing, stop pandering to him when he is not lifting a finger to help you. If he is not contributing to your life and that of your DS, he is making it harder, tbh, you have to get rid of him.

Where is your OH on the weekends, why can't he help you bath him?

You can take your DS into the bath with you and get a bath together, cross your legs and nestle him in your lap, then he is cradled and you can wash him.

DC don't need much, they don't need too many toys, but they need a safe warm home, they need fresh air and to be clean and well cared for.

You seem trapped and your OH knows it. BUT you are not really trapped, you have money in the bank, FGS put it to good use and get the hell out.

Is there any RL support, family near by? could you get work?

Don't whatever you do marry this idiot.

if what you say re finances is correct, then you have more than enough money to rent somewhere better, or at least make some improvements

choosing not to bath for weeks beacuse you are waiting for a delivery is not normal/healthy behaviour

calling your partner a whiny little bitch who desrves your abuse is disgusting

maybe you shoul dleave him, find a nice warm flat for you and your baby and PS3 and stop whinging?

lots of people in flats have babies

lots of people manage to bath a 7 mth old by themselves

and don't get a tired arm after 5 minutes of playing

take some positive steps to change things for the better.

starting with a hot bath for you and DS , get in together, and you can hold him and wash him and wash your self . if the doorbell rinbgs with your parcel, DH can answer the door.

then on monday, take some steps to use some of your savings to buy a heaterand think about getting out of this mess

firther more, if you can only buy shopping you can carry, get it delivered or sned DH

Ryoko - then leave him. As a single parent you will get a lot of help and then you can choose your own accommodation and, as you say, only have one child to look after. It sounds as though DF doesn't enrich your life in anyway & only brings you down.

Unless you are disabled in some way, of course you can bath your son by youself. If you find it very difficult to do it, then bath him in the kitchen sink! Much easier.

Use a sling then you don't need to haul your buggy and up down two flights.

Do you grocery shopping on line with a company that will deliver up to you (check them out, some will, but not all).

You sound very depressed and I think you need to see your GP.

you seem to be blaming everything and everyone but yourself.

being a mum is tough. but you are NOT a good mum if you will not do what it takes to keep your childre clean and healthy.

organic food means shit. its better he gets own brand asda food and has a bath.

If you are only with df for your childs sake then you may as well leave because neither of you are actually putting your son and his needs first.

get shopping delivered.
if you have £2k left after all your bills are paid then you can afford to move.

you can also afford to put the heating on higher and for longer.

stop making excuses and start making changes

I 2nd what someone said earlier, I think you should start another thread away from AIBU...parenting or relationships maybe. I think if you laid out all your issues re: money, lazy oaf, practicalities of day-to-day childcare etc etc, you might get a more answers to some of the underlying problems. This thread is only going to focus on bathing and gaming. Fir what its worth I think you sound a little overwhelmed and could do with a good chat/friendship (both on here and in RL)

I think you have PND.

Have you washed your baby yet? give it a go and see how easy it is. Also you can hold him with one hand and wash with the other for 5 min can't you?

It is hard being a mum and yes you have to do everything as you are the adult. You are angry because you feel all the pressure of being a mum and it feels like your DF does nothing. Start doing it all and think how proud your son will be of you for doing it.

Please relise that your son is a person who feels and has needs and think if he could talk what would he say to you?

You sound young.

Go to the gp or call your HV tell them what your life is like and how you feel and see if they can help make it easier for you.