To have really laid into this woman today?

[Avoidingargosthischristmas]

Out shopping with dc today, in a shop when my kids disappear round the end of the aisle, I follow them within seconds only to hear someone shouting "be careful you rude, horrible little girl!" at my 4 year old dd, apparently she had pushed past this woman while trying to catch her brother. I said to the woman "are you talking to my daughter, because if you are how dare you speak to her like that, she is only four years old!". She replied "old enough to know not to push then". I then said "would you have spoken to her like that if you had seen an adult with her close by? Go on do it again, speak to my four year old daughter like that again right in front of me". She didn't.

Now just to give all the info, my ds has autism and my dd also shows some traits and we are starting the assessment process for her, I told the woman this and she just shrugged but did not say anything else.

Autistic or not though surely it is not acceptable to speak to a small child in this way? It all went quiet and everyone was looking at us but I don't regret speaking up, just felt so angry and upset for dd having that said to her.

YANBU - I had a similar experience once in a supermarket except a woman actually grabbed my DD(7) and gave her a telling off for playing around. She squeezed her arm so tight that she initially had that 'lovebite' look on her arm followed quite quickly by bruising. DD was obviously distressed. I was in the same aisle with my back turned looking at something on the shelf and it was DD's cry of 'let go' that made me turn around, as did everyone else.

I don't care how loud kids are in supermarkets, generally they appear well behaved, but I find more adults than children barge into me in stores and I take it as a bit of grumpiness to be honest on their part.

Anyway I immediately complained to the store manager who rang the police due to the bruising on DD's arm and the woman was arrested for assault. I agreed to an apology in writing from her to my DD for her appalling behaviour. Mind you, she maintained it was her right to physically reprimand a child who was out of control, something which the police reminded her that she had no right to do.

Shopping with asd kids is a fecking nightmare! I am often reduced to tears/a quivering wreck/ nowty git when I take mine shopping, it's hard work! But, I bet that poor woman wasn't feeling too great either after having been pushed into and then shouted at. I can see why you did shout though, cos I've behaved similarly. Hell, I once even begged a woman to take my son once and cried proper tears and everything. All she'd done was said "aww make the most of it whilst they're young love, they grow up too fast". Well seeing as I have adult kids I already know that like, but the mood I was in cos of having to cope with the challenging behaviour that the combination of shopping and autism brings, well, I just lost it.

Anyway, her choice of words wasn't great, but I can understand her reaction. Being charged into by a kid isn't great...

I'd just pass it off as a bad day and forget about it. x

I shopped all the time with my son, I taught him to go round people and say excuse me. Although being an Aspie, he often bellowed 'EXCUSE ME' in a stentorian monotone that raised awareness nicely.

Oh, and also I think I would have apologised if it was on a day where I wasn't so stressed out that I could actually remember my manners. Having and asd kid can make you behave in odd ways.

i just can't imagine anyone i know, especially in their 30's throwing that out to a child who pushes past them in a shop. it really isn't something you hear often is it?

LOL! I was 29 and recovering from a hysterectomy when a "delightful" child, watched by her adoring parents, kicked me in the stomach when swimming (I was advised by my surgeon to swim to regain abdominal strength).

This child managed to clear the pool as her behaviour was manic to say the least. Everyone, but her parents, thought her behaviour was totally OTT and socially unnacceptable.

It makes no difference whether she had SN or not.

ALL children should learn respect for others. If they have no respect for others they should not be placed in situations where they may experience criticism.

Thanks for the understanding responses on here btw don't want to be guilty of only addressing the negative .

Thanks colditz.

For you unbelievers this really happened if you dont believe it then not bothering to post at all might work well.

YANBU for letting your kids walk two steps in front of you in the supermarket.

YANBU for saying something to her when she was rude and nasty to your DD.

but what you said was def unreasonable, rude and a bit aggressive.

Go on do it again, speak to my four year old daughter like that again right in front of me".

What were you going to do if she had done it again? Punched her?

Lol goblin child.

booyhohoho - some people can't stand children and I have heard some horrible things said to kids in public that are not their own.

Not everyone is agreeable to overlooking the high energy behaviour of children. Children are still learning about what it means to behave in public so they will get themselves into situations from time to time, don't you think??

Goblinchild, please tell me how you managed to train your son. I can't use reigns, straps or even hold hands with mine as he has OCD/sensory issues and has meltdowns where touch is concerned.

Fishtankneedscleaning - this may result in a situation where a child is locked in his/her room when people come to the house, not taken to school, not seen by anyone other than the parents. Some (not all, not most, not even many, but SOME) children ar not controllable.

No I wouldn't have punched her I didn't swear or anything like that, the point I was making was she wouldn't have said it if she had thought I was nearby, just nasty and cowardly I thought. I got sympathetic smiles from other shoppers btw which sort of told me what the general consensus was.

Booyhohoho, without getting into the rights and wrongs of what happened, I could easily imagine someone saying something like that (I have thought it on occasion, pretty much word for word, though not about a 4 yr old and not out loud).

Can I just say that despite you possibly handling today's situation a little more calmly (difficult though that would be) you are definitely not being unreasonable in avoiding Argos near Christmas too? Seventh circle of hell at the best of times.

i accept that, i have just never heard anyone reacting like that or saying anything like that outside of a dickens' or roald dahl book. i think if i had heard this i would have laughed tbh.

Colditz

When children have their parent with them does the parent not have responsibility for the child's behaviour?

YANBU
My children don't have special need and my youngest (4) runs amok in supermarkets.
Most people are tolerant and amused, and I poke my tongue out at those that scowl

mrsruffalo why do you let your child run amok?

OP what would you have said, if you witnessed your DD pushing past someone if the adult said nothing ?

Yes, it's strange my older ones are well behaved but my LO is...erm.. spirited to say the least

mrs ruffalo. Nice to see you are teaching your children good manners

Presumambly apologize and briefly explain. I have had to do an awful lot of that, cumfy, and most people are very nice about it.

my children have special needs and I would never let them run in shops
I have to use the wrist strap on my 7 yr old ds