To have really laid into this woman today?

[Avoidingargosthischristmas]

Out shopping with dc today, in a shop when my kids disappear round the end of the aisle, I follow them within seconds only to hear someone shouting "be careful you rude, horrible little girl!" at my 4 year old dd, apparently she had pushed past this woman while trying to catch her brother. I said to the woman "are you talking to my daughter, because if you are how dare you speak to her like that, she is only four years old!". She replied "old enough to know not to push then". I then said "would you have spoken to her like that if you had seen an adult with her close by? Go on do it again, speak to my four year old daughter like that again right in front of me". She didn't.

Now just to give all the info, my ds has autism and my dd also shows some traits and we are starting the assessment process for her, I told the woman this and she just shrugged but did not say anything else.

Autistic or not though surely it is not acceptable to speak to a small child in this way? It all went quiet and everyone was looking at us but I don't regret speaking up, just felt so angry and upset for dd having that said to her.

Thanks colditz would be grateful if you would, ds gets very panicky on train stations so that would probably comfort him to feel actually attached to me.

we use a backpack with strap with DD2 as she is a runner and hates holding hands and anything round her wrist.

She thought your daughter was rude and horrible because she pushed past her,and didn't think it unreasonable to say so. You thought you were being reasonable to have laid into her for her opinion.

Yes, I have extensive experience of taking two children shopping, one on the spectrum.

I also try to shop when the children are at school, or straight after finishing work (I do nights) or over the internet.

Nothing, NOTHING makes ds1 go wappy like a well stocked supermarket. Joyful cries of "EEE-EYE-AYE!" and "Pike, pikahhhh!" fill the air as he discovers the rolly properties of oranges, the crackly quality of armfuls of crisps, the bouncy pleasure of carefully stacked nappies and the damp springy glee of one's teeth against vacuum packed smoked bacon.

YABU
You sound as if you were very confrontational.
Sorry, but if a child pushed me I would definitely say something to the child e.g. "Ow! Can you stop running please" and make sure it was loud enough for the Mother to hear. I would then hope that the Mother apologised whether the child did or not.
I wouldn't call a child horrible, as all children can behave horribly, but most aren't actually horrible outright.
Perhaps your daughter is autistic, but perhaps the lady has a dodgy hip and your daughter caught her off guard and hurt her.
Poor lady, not only did she get shoved, but she also got shouted at by you.
She may not have chosen her words carefully, but if your daughter was running and knocked her and didn't apologise then your daughter was acting in a rather horrible and rude manner.

happy memories colditz.
Now he just gets glared at disapprovingly for being a teenager before he even gets round to displaying any odd behaviour.

I think yabu- I work in a shop and haaaate being ran into by little ones. I wouldn't have said anything but I do give a very hard look to the parent who is with them, having said that I do work in an enviroment where there is alot of glass and things that could be dangerous, so I'm more annoyed at the parent than anything else.
You shouldn't have shouted at all. Very rude.

you do seem to want her to treat your children with more respect than you treated her, imo. but i don't think you want to hear that you were bu.

hmm had you considered that the lady herself might have a disability - being knocked/bumped when you are frail can be really frightening

I think laying into anyone is unseemly and rude tbh

of course no-one likes to hear their child corrected by someone, and the manner of the correction given gives me pause to think that there was more than just annoyance at being bumped by your child/ren

Blimey I am really surprised at the amount of people who think it is ok to shout at a four year old little girl like that, also surprised at the amount of people who seem to be responding to things that didn't happen (running amok, playground, lack of parental supervision and so on).

Thank you to those who actually read the thread, you know who you are .

Think you are right BOF maybe better to just stay home, this shopping malarkey far to stressful with asd kids.

she really said "you rude, horrible little girl"?

it sounds like something out of a charles dickens' story.

Please bear in mind the "anger of strangers" can in fact be based on circumstances you don't know about. When I had my own cancer surgery it took months for me to be able to cope with shopping as I had a couple of nasty incidents when trolleys, bags and yes children crashed in to me. I still have to manage lymphodoema in my lower body and part of that is being very careful about being knocked or bumped. If a seven year old cannoned into me, I could literally be dealing with swelling, bruising and pain for weeks/months afterward. One of my closest friends is now living with terminal cancer and I am seeing this again from her point of view. She's had surgery, wears a bag, and is very frail - a 7 year old child running would send her flying. She doesn't wear a large neon sign above her head so you wouldn't know about her particular circumstances. While your DC may have SN, so may other shoppers. I think this lady was rude, but in general, children should be walking not running in the supermarket, and should be taught that not everyone is as robust as they are.

Boohoo

She was a youngish woman, not elderly btw.

in response to your question. yes i think you were BU. you should have apologised for the annoyance your dcs caused but reminded her that tehy were children and she should know better than to call them names. then you should have gone after your children and let her take a red face.

Have inboxed you

I was in my 30s having my surgery

but do you not see that you were equally rude to her?

worse, really, because you definitely didn't model decent behaviour to your children, now did you?

Oh FGS. I also can;t believe some of the responses you have had with everyone getting on their high horse about Other People's Children behaving badly in shops (whilst their own presumably are always impeccably well behaved).

The lady was very rude and nasty. How can you call a 4 year old a horrible child just becuase she accidentally barged into you???

This reminds me of a time at an airport when DS1 who was about 18 months old at the time was doing some sort of toddler screech (not crying or tantruming) just making a loud noise. I was standing away from him looking at the info screen at the time. The lady next to me said something really nasty about him making a noise and I just saw red and jumped down her throat. She got all flustered and said something about I shouldn;t let him make so much noise. I asked her if she expected me to gag him

YANBU.

Agree that poor OP is getting a hard time from some people on here!

age doesn't necessarily have a bearing on how frail a person may or may not be.

i don't think anyone has said it's okay to shout at a four year old, have they? what they've said is that is was embarassingly ludicrous of you to go off at her for doing so. i bet you think you taught her a real lesson etc... blah.

A boy of about four once spat and swore at me when I was walking past his house - now that's horrible and rude! Not accidentally pushing past someone, not to me anyway - I'd probably have just rolled my eyes and got on with it. I do find it very difficult to hold my tongue when children drop litter in full view of parents. I brought it to a parent's attention once and almost got beaten up. It was in a rough area mind.

Yes she really did say that, are you suggesting I am making this up booyhohoho? Or trolling? It's fine to just say so.

I love mn I really do but some of you are so black and White and rigid in your thinking.