To have really laid into this woman today?

[Avoidingargosthischristmas]

Out shopping with dc today, in a shop when my kids disappear round the end of the aisle, I follow them within seconds only to hear someone shouting "be careful you rude, horrible little girl!" at my 4 year old dd, apparently she had pushed past this woman while trying to catch her brother. I said to the woman "are you talking to my daughter, because if you are how dare you speak to her like that, she is only four years old!". She replied "old enough to know not to push then". I then said "would you have spoken to her like that if you had seen an adult with her close by? Go on do it again, speak to my four year old daughter like that again right in front of me". She didn't.

Now just to give all the info, my ds has autism and my dd also shows some traits and we are starting the assessment process for her, I told the woman this and she just shrugged but did not say anything else.

Autistic or not though surely it is not acceptable to speak to a small child in this way? It all went quiet and everyone was looking at us but I don't regret speaking up, just felt so angry and upset for dd having that said to her.

MarniesMummy I have a Marnie too - isn't it a brilliant name!!!

Yes MarniesMummy .

But would you have allowed her say anything to DD without confronting her ?

How about

"Oh Careful there"
"Oh Watch out"
"You just bumped into me, take a bit more care"
"are you ok sweetheart seeing as we just bumped into EACH OTHER"
"Where is your Mum"
"you just bumped into me and didn't say sorry, thats a bit rude isn't it"
"Did you know you bumped into me there?"

All of these would have lead to an immediate apology from both me and dd once I had explained to her what she did wrong.

In fact the only thing that wouldn't was "BE CAREFUL, YOU HORRIBLE, RUDE, LITTLE GIRL!!!!"

Shop online.

But it happened yesterday!You will probably never see this woman again.Please don't let something like this stress you out.
If this is your biggest worry then you're very lucky.
Have a lovely weekend OP

No my biggest worry at the moment is my youngest child's possible ASD to go along with my ds who also has it. But you are right, time to leave the thread alone now but to be fair I was only answering a question.

You have a lovely weekend too .

YANBU YANBU YANBU YANBU....I am flabbergasted at the amount of self righteousness from some of these posters...like 'oh you should have responded better'...'not setting a good example'.....etc etc. GIVE ME A BREAK!!!!! If anyone spoke to my DC's like that I would probably say something. Maybe it might not be RIGHT or maybe it might not be the reponse that in an ideal world one would give but there you go. So what....we have all done and said things that in heinsight we might not have in other circumstances, or on another day. Please OP do not give yourself a hard time. It was a horrible thing to say, I don't blame you at all for responding that way. I think how some posters have responded is bloody annoying.

Agree mumsgot

YANBU to defend your child if someone calls them horrible.

YABU to 'lay into this woman' when you did not see what happened and you did not ask your child what happened. Ie, you acted defensively, but aggressively and whatever the context I would feel threatened if someone spoke to me in the way you did to this woman.

YABU for getting so cross with people on this thread who are disagreeing with you. AIBU posts always have two sides and you should be able to take them...

I hope you listen to Colditz' advice about reigns, shopping at other times without the children if at all possible - it is why I do it on the internet :)

YANBU at all. The woman wouldn't have been unreasonable to tell your daughter to be careful (which is what I would have done) or even to look around for you and demand an apology (I wouldn't have bothered tbh - kids get wrapped up in what they're doing and don't look where they're going sometimes - not the end of the world) but to call her horrible and rude is aggressive and over the top - I wouldn't speak to any child like this and would be livid if someone did to mine.

Also would the woman have spoken to an adult, who bumped into her accidentally whilst not looking where they were going, in this way? I very much doubt it!

YANNNNNBU. I'd have laid into her too, show me a mum/dad who says they've never had to deal with an escaping child and I'll show you a big fat fibber. Its the mother lioness coming out in you that's all...[wink}

Yanbu....everybody loses there cool once in a while, especially if someone is rude to there kids.

Ignore the more self righteous people on here.....it must be hard for them to be such perfect people and great examples to humanity lol

Hi avoidingargosthischristmas, have only read a few of the posts here but wanted to say that I too would have been very upset if somebody had called my daughter a "rude horrible little girl" and I hope that like you did, I would have had the courage to speak up in her defense. My youngest actually is four at the moment and words like that would devastate her - nobody has the right to speak to a child that way.

Ooh, I hate sarcastic/patronishing 'if this is all you have to worry about' comments. The OP says right up in her OP that her son has autism and her daughter is in the process of diagnosis. Aggressive madwomen abusing her kids in supermarkets is OBVIOUSLY not her only problem, but my god, it won't help when she's worrying about her children's entire future life pretty much 24/7 to realise how cruel people can be to sweet little children, let alone adults with a difference. I am horrified by how spiteful people can be to a woman who is clearly under enormous stress right now.

I'm not sure where I stand based on the OP.

On one hand I know how difficult it is to control a ds with autistic/dyspraxic tendancies.

However, I have taught him ( the main point of all my points) is to respect his elders and treat others with consideration ie. no rudeness either spoken or physical ie shoving.

Its actually the only point I really harp on about as I have picked my battle.

Manners maketh the man.

And they open all sorts of doors.

"He is such a well behaved child, his manners are perfect and yet he just doesn't seem to get...."

It seems to make people more amenable to his faults.

Nickiename-if her biggest problem is her dc health then why spend so much time/energy on a pointless thread like this??

I love threads like this. Some adult acts in a completely obnoxious manner to a young child, and the OP is told she should mind her children (because adults NEVER bump into each other). This thread and all like it should be linked into all the "Is the UK a child friendly country?" threads.

YANBU.

She's spent less time on it that a lot of people, and most of it has been spent defending herself and her children from spiteful attacks or responding to peremptory demands from posters with an overactive imagination who make stuff up and seem to think they are in a courtroom drama.
If your child is particularly vulnerable you naturally feel more protective of them. To see your beloved, small child, who may well have awful disadvantages for their whole life, being shouted at and called names by some bag in the supermarket is just awful. I also would suggest that she will worry that if there is this kind of nastiness from a stranger when her daughter is four and little and cute, what the fuck will happen when her children are older?
I would say to the OP, if she is daft enough to hang around here, is that she is exactly the kind of mum kids with SNs need. Fiesty, assertive, and determined to stand up for her children and their interests, because there will be many, many fights ahead and passive parents don't win them.

And this child wasn't 'out of control'. She was a few steps ahead of her mother! I simply refuse to believe that any parent (esp of more that one child) has never ever had their child move a few steps ahead of them and had to catch up with them or call them back.

Just to add, not only were you NBU, you were performing an important public service by getting this woman to show children some respect.