To have really laid into this woman today?

[Avoidingargosthischristmas]

Out shopping with dc today, in a shop when my kids disappear round the end of the aisle, I follow them within seconds only to hear someone shouting "be careful you rude, horrible little girl!" at my 4 year old dd, apparently she had pushed past this woman while trying to catch her brother. I said to the woman "are you talking to my daughter, because if you are how dare you speak to her like that, she is only four years old!". She replied "old enough to know not to push then". I then said "would you have spoken to her like that if you had seen an adult with her close by? Go on do it again, speak to my four year old daughter like that again right in front of me". She didn't.

Now just to give all the info, my ds has autism and my dd also shows some traits and we are starting the assessment process for her, I told the woman this and she just shrugged but did not say anything else.

Autistic or not though surely it is not acceptable to speak to a small child in this way? It all went quiet and everyone was looking at us but I don't regret speaking up, just felt so angry and upset for dd having that said to her.

Arf at holier than thou

No. I just hate shouty sweaty situations and would rathervwalk away from rude people and aggressive types.

Also, if you have a child with behavioural issues and you start shouting people unfortunately don't think ' oh, maybe she is stressed' they tend to want to think the worst and assume that my child is behaving badly because I am aggressivecshouty type

Exactly PORKCHOPS she didn't call her a c**t !!!! But the way some people write it's as though the OP did!

Nickiename-it was a joke about not wanting to bump into OP in Asda(hence the )
Besides I'm more of a Waitrose kinda girl

Its about old ways and new ways. It used to be that if an older person told off a kid the parent would automatically agree with them. I don't think you should have a go at someone who you've bumped into - an apology is due - but at the same time, they shouldn't be saying your child is "horrible" - rushing, clumsy, inconsiderate, whatever, not "horrible".

SHOCK a four year old momentarily escapes its parent in a supermarket and ACCIDENTALLY bumps into somebody.

HORROR the child's mother is upset when her LO is verbally abused by a stranger and responds defensively.

OP don't sweat it. We can't all be perfectly calm and zen in the face of life's stresses.

I for one do not think your post was a boast. That is such a small-minded suggestion.

I am also most impressed by the number of women on this thread who are able to add OMNISCIENCE to the key skills section of their CV. You go girls.

re keeping the children close - I have 2 autistic children and I second (colditz?) wriststrap suggestion.

I used them for years. Very very good. There's no way I could have kept hold of both of them. And what if they ran in different directions?

Get wrist straps. You'll be very glad you did.

porkchops the lady in question was not old.

But I am liking the way lots of people assume anyone nasty must be old

But I agree with you.

thx - it's a classic MN thread, really, innit

A wrist strap or reins can be a sensible precaution - obviously they don't suit every child/situation but I don't think there's any need for all the negative emotive language about 'tying up' and 'shackling' your child.
That's like saying you're 'imprisoning' your toddler by not letting them wander out of the house on their own. Neither of those things would usually be appropriate to do to an adult, but small children are not adults and it isn't cruel or humiliating to restrict their freedom a bit in order to keep them safe and out of trouble. It's parenting.

YABU

People on Mumsnet do have some amazing experiences, I've never encountered anything like it.

Yes i have also lost my cool at times and said things that i shouldnt have said but as Pagwatch said i always regret it later and think i could have handled it better. The OP clearly doesnt think she is wrong in anyway despite the fact ALOT of posters think she has been.

I also havent seen anyone being spiteful and malicious tbh, disagreeing maybe but not spiteful or malicious.

They kick dogs because they are inadequate, terrified little bullies. And really, reeeaaaalllllly thick

Oops

I used to put my ds in reins when we went out, to keep him safe and very helpful when he stumbled(all the time) as I could quickly lift and save him from falling.

I bought wrist straps but they wriggle out of them!

I try and avoid taking my 2 and 3year olds with as it's a nightmare with a capital F.

Anytime I've had to, I try and keep them in the trolley and bribe them with whatever on the way round. It's still a nightmare as I have to keep them at arms' length from the shelves.

I don't think you were being in any way unreasonable. NOBODY should speak to ANYBODY like that as an initial reaction.

I don't care if they're young, old, in pain, stressed, autistic, their budgie has died or whatever. It's not not acceptable AT ALL>

I live with chronic pain despit a shed load of painkillers and it makes me irritable as hell. I'd NEVER speak to someone like that unless I was seriously provoked, and even then, I'd probably end up apologising!

Children are difficult, full stop. I'm a primary teacher who can get 4 - 111 years to do all sorts in silence, yet I will be honest that when I have my 2 together, I find it extremely difficult and stressful.

On the rare occasion when I have just one, it's much easier to take the child into a shop. As I said, I avoid it all costs but sometimes, needs must.

Yes, I'm sure that if a child bumped into me in the supermarket, I would probably feel quite cross and would be looking around for their mum/adult. Initially, I'd say something nicely to the child along the lines of, "you need to be careful, you just bumped into me".

(I've had to speak to other children in soft play places when older boisterous children have shoved past me or accidentally knocked my wee one over. But I've ALWAYS been very nice and gentle about it. There is no need for nastiness. However, I wouldn't hesitate in the slightest to use some choice language if the child didn't take me on and the parent didn't either. Ive had other parnets who have quite rightly told me that my ds were being rough etc, and Ive apologised profusely plus made my ds apologise. I certainly don't harbour any illusions, all children can be horrors at times!!)

I'd be expecting an apology from the mum and I'd hope that she would get the child to apologise.

Now that I have experienced the joys of supermarkets and motherhood in general, I'm mush more tolerant and understanding. Bad behaviour is not acceptable either but IMO, the children referred to weren't being naught, just being normal, excited children.

Ok, in an ideal world, they would stay glued to your side and be little angels but life isn't like that!

Sincere congratulations to and admiration for those parents who manage to get their children to stay by their side in a shop! I'm not being cheeky, I really mean that! I've tried all sorts but still find it very hard.

Anyway, original poster, YADNBU!Regardless of whether your dc were emptying pots of yogurt onto the floor, that still wouldn't give anybody the right to call them "horrible". Naughty, yes, horrible, NO!!!

(sorry for any typos, gotta get dinner ready now. My ds have been watching a dvd very quietly while I was typing!)

4 -11 year olds!!!!!! NOw I HAD to correct that!!!!!!!

I'd have smiled too OP. I'd have been silently laughing at you getting all Jeremy Kyle on the woman.

Either that or been a case of "just smile and back away s l o w l y from the nice lady pitbull....

OP I'm with you, I have an autistic DS and when he was younger he was a nightmare to take to the supermarket, he would just want to run off. I tried wrist straps and he would just lie on the floor and stick there like a limpet. It was hard to shift him he's always been a big lad. Apart from a straightjacket it was impossible to keep him next to me, so I had to leave him with my mum or DH to do the shopping, but on the odd occasion I used to keep trying to take him, on advice of "experts" that he needs to be desensitised to all the lights, noise, shiny floors etc.. Oh the amount of lovely comments I got from certain people, who just do not understand what it is like, they do not realise that their comments can really hurt, when you are already having a stressful time. Chin up OP, It was wrong of that women to call your child "horrible".

Have only read the opening post and would say that you were perhaps being a bit unreasonable. If your child knocks into someone then fair enough that the person is unhappy. Ok, so the woman did not need to brand her 'horrible' but at least she did not call her a 'little fucker' or something really offensive. In the circs I would have told the woman that she should not call my child 'horrible' but I would also tell my child to apologise for her actions. Kids need to learn at a young age that they should be responsible for their actions and apologise where appropriate, imho. You don't really do them any favours by hiding the way of the world from them.

in my local supermarket, it might be wise to adopt some kind of body armour and a crash helmet, and not bring your best car

Oooh, which branch of Waitrose is that then ?

ah yes, not described as old. Used "old" when describing the DD. Got mixed up. Did not assume old equated nasty. Would normally think the opposite myself.

Have only read the OP.

Don't call that "laying into" someone. But I have sarf London standards and may not be equipped to judge.

Plus, if a child ran into me, I would smile and say "whoops! Be careful!"

Unless I had pmt when I would brain them with a can of spam.

hi hullygully!

i agree, but i have already been bollocked this week by a stranger for my amok 2 year old!!! people have very different ideas of whats acceptable

this is why i got all my shopping online, no fucking way am i braving the shops