To have really laid into this woman today?

[Avoidingargosthischristmas]

Out shopping with dc today, in a shop when my kids disappear round the end of the aisle, I follow them within seconds only to hear someone shouting "be careful you rude, horrible little girl!" at my 4 year old dd, apparently she had pushed past this woman while trying to catch her brother. I said to the woman "are you talking to my daughter, because if you are how dare you speak to her like that, she is only four years old!". She replied "old enough to know not to push then". I then said "would you have spoken to her like that if you had seen an adult with her close by? Go on do it again, speak to my four year old daughter like that again right in front of me". She didn't.

Now just to give all the info, my ds has autism and my dd also shows some traits and we are starting the assessment process for her, I told the woman this and she just shrugged but did not say anything else.

Autistic or not though surely it is not acceptable to speak to a small child in this way? It all went quiet and everyone was looking at us but I don't regret speaking up, just felt so angry and upset for dd having that said to her.

i thought you said she pushed past the woman because she was chasing her brother, OP? that's not an accident, is it? (i mean it's no huge deal and doesn't deserve to be shouted at etc, but it isn't an accident).

and yes, thanks for pointing out the revision of history there, FAM, the OP did put that she had 'really laid into this woman' on her subject line, so that does suggest aggression.

all well and good to say they were both in the wrong, but this was the situation the op was faced with, she had to react.

very much with 3seater, have a chat to a supportive friend irl.

oh well OP if you are just blithely changing your story, then it might be different.

kid bumps into woman.

woman shouts at kid.

mother quietly upbraids woman for speaking aggressively to her child.

no problem. although i do think an apology would have been a nice touch.

if you feel aggrieved at the way this thread has approached the events of yesterday i think you must look to the way you expressed them in the first place, tbh.

OP comes on AIBU

Explains her story

When any mns dare say she is BU she then goes on the defense(throwing toys out of her pram).

Oh and OP I actually thought YANBU.I wouldn't have liked someone calling my child horrible either.

However YABU to come on this thread asking if you're BU and when you don't like what you hear you go on the attack.

FindingAManger.

Did the woman use profanity or vulgarity - you decide??

also to answer Rusty's excellent point re ageism on MN, which i personally think is worrying prevalent, i personally thought it was an older person based on the fact that the OP didn't correct this apparently incorrect assumption for such a long time, and the fact that i would find it highly unlikely that a thirty-year-old would use 'be careful you rude, horrible little girl' these days.

Yup, this thread is bonkers.

She was rude.

The OP was rude.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

If I'd "laid into" a stranger in a supermarket I'd be mortified by my own behaviour, rather than trying to validate my actions by posting on AIBU when I obviously don't think I was.

"i personally thought it was an older person based on the fact that the OP didn't correct this apparently incorrect assumption for such a long time" rubbish, I corrected the assumption as soon as I noticed it.

I am not "blithely" changing my story, YOU lot are, with your assumptions and total re-writing of the incident in order to judge more efficiently.

Throwing toys out of my pram? Please feel free to use quotes to back up that statement.

I DON'T HAVE TO AGREE WITH YOU! it is nothing to do with throwing toys out of prams, I don't have to submit to your judgement, I can continue to state my case for as long as I wish to, or have I missed one of the unwritten rules of AIBU?

Can't leave the bonkers thread alone eh aitch?

and that they must act dignified at all times.

Really from what i have read on mumsnet alone, bullies can kick your head in and the schools do nothing, if in adult life you can't stand up for yourself either we might as well write kick me on all our arses.

I am with the OP. I'd have cheerfully have told the woman that SHE was horrible and rude if she was that unpleasant to one of my children. Children do sometimes move and sometimes they brush against other people, astonishingly enough. One of my children is autistic and will sometimes touch or bump into people. I spend ages yelling, 'mind the lady/gentleman' at him and 'sorry!' to people, who are all lovely. If one was unpleasant, aggressive or rude to my child before I could get a word in, I would have no compunction about asssertively and firmly teaching her that actions have consequences.

And what kind of utter freak gets that upset about being touched by a four year old? I get jostled on trains and buses and in shops by quite large adults and manage to restrain myself. If the nutter in the OP had said, 'mind out sweetheart, slow down', it would have been fine. Or even 'we don't push'. But 'rude and horrible girl?', she can feck off!

I'm with the woman in the supermarket, unsupervised, rude children are a pain in the arse.

sorry OP but you are changing your story. your recent version of events barely squares with your original description.

Well, the children were not unsupervised - their mother was three steps behind, nor were they 'rude'. FOur year olds are TINY! It doesn't hurt if they rush past you.
Do you often hurl personal abuse at very tiny children bluenordic? Because it really is a very odd thing to do.

I don't see any change from the OP at all.

and i think you want to take up the 'throwing the toys' line up with someone else. i never said that.

i think you were boasting, got a bad reception, turned on people who disagree that yabr and are now drip-feeding information that for some unknown reason you neglected to mention last night. i think your behaviour was mortifying, by the sounds of things. understandable (as i have said before) if your circs are difficult, but i am mystified by the fact that you are proud of it, that's all... no huge big deal.

What new info? There isn't any. I think the OP should be proud of herself. Maybe that woman will be a little less abusive in future. She was a bully, picking on someone far smaller than herself.

nickie, she says she didn't 'really lay into' the woman... she says she only just raised her voice. you can't just say 'oh i only use the word attack when i mean cuddle, for me a cuddle is an attack' or whatever half-way through a thread and expect everyone to go 'oh, okay then.'

Avoidingargosthischristmas Wed 08-Dec-10 23:40:49

She was a youngish woman, not elderly btw.

Half an hour into the thread, explained promptly after is was assumed that customer was elderly.

Therefore, an unsubstantiated accusation that she failed to explain that customer was not elderly.

It seems ageism is in the eye of the beholder

i dont take my dd2 shopping if i can help it. a trip into town is f-ing dangerous for other people if she is about.

but since she was 2, i havent had anyone scream at her thank goodness, juts sympathic glances and calm voices of ''its ok' no harm done etc, as she goes hurtling towards another person.

she has suspected ASD, her spacial awareness is to put it bluntly, quite shit, and she is often off in her own world when out and about.

Is half an hour really 'such a long time' Aitch?
Maybe it didn't occur to the OP that anyone would assume it was an elderly lady until then.

"It seems ageism is in the eye of the beholder"

Not quite sure what you mean by this MrsRuffalo?

sure, mrsr, it was half an hour, fifty posts in and the OP had posted eight times already. strange not to have mentioned it before, imo.

but anyway, this is looking like i care, which i don't. i think the OP came on for a boast, didn't get it, and started shouting some more, basically. that's fine... so long as she's had a chance to vent. doesn't make laying into some woman in the supermarket the right thing to do, though, imo.