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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I am so angry!

523 replies

KateEllis · 01/12/2010 16:36

At the end of September my DD (age 7) was cast as Cinderella in the school panto. The school takes these things VERY seriously so they have had lots of after school sessions etc. I was very pleased for my daughter because she was so excited (please note I did not care about her having a lead role, I just want her to be happy). She has had loads of lines to learn but has been brilliant and learnt them all, on top of learning two solo songs and 4 other songs and attended every after school rehersal. I had also made one of her costumes and bought another. The panto was due to be next friday, then the falling monday and tuesday.

However today this happened. I was waiting in the yard to collect her and her younger sister, when she came out of school I could see it looked like she was on the verge of tears, I asked her what was wrong and she said 'I'm not Cinderella anymore'.
At first my initial thought was, as she was ill yesterday mybe somebody covered for her and she was a bit confused. I asked this but she insisted the part had been given to another little girl.
Her teacher was in the yard so I went over to speak to her.
I just said dd is a bit upset because she thinks she is no longer playing cinderella.
Her teacher said "That's right she isn't"
I asked why and she said
"Well she was off yesterday, and I expect people who are given big parts to show a commitment. It is also to show her that good attendance is a must"
Yesterday was the first day my daughter has had off this year!!!!!!
She also said she has given another girl the part and now this little girl has to learn everything by next friday which just seems impossible for a 7 yo, and as I said the school will expect this girl to learn all the lines as they take drama productions extremely seriously.

My daughter is so upset and I am so angry, up until today her teacher and others have been coming up to me in the yard and saying how great she is doing now they have completely devastated her after all the effort she has put in. She now has no part at all, as its a whole school production all parts are taken up.

I am so angry and upset for my poor daughter who hasn't stopped crying

OP posts:

twolittlemonkeys · 01/12/2010 17:52

YANBU at all. That's horrible! I would be contacting the head. Sounds like the sort of thing the private school I just pulled DS1 out of would do. They seemed to have an 'all or nothing' attitude. So and for your DD.

ShirleyKnot · 01/12/2010 17:52

I think they may be taking the Cinderella story a leeetle bit too seriously.

Your DD should go to the ball.

sarah293 · 01/12/2010 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

twolittlemonkeys · 01/12/2010 17:55

Just read whole thing and realised you did contact the head. I'd be writing to governors and giving notice if that's the sort of attitude they have.

notreallymyname · 01/12/2010 17:55

YADNBU

SkyBluePearl · 01/12/2010 17:56

they are very hard on a child who has been off ill for one day! I would be serously questioning the schools ethos - doesn't sound supportive or encouraging.

LadyThompson · 01/12/2010 17:56

They are treating 7 yr olds like this?? Please pursue it with the governors on point of principle. I am so sorry for your DD. You were a responsible parent and they have been unbelievably cruel and unjust. What is she supposed to be learning from this? That you are punished if you are ill?

capricorn76 · 01/12/2010 17:56

This happened to me when I was about the same age. I had a second string but decent part, was off for one day and they gave the part to someone else. I had learned the lines, got my costume and everything. The teacher was very rude to me when I asked why I didn't have the part anymore, brushed me away saying I should have been at school the previous day but I was ill and prior to that had a 100% attendance record. I was upset for a very long time.

I just think some teachers a weird control freaks.

pantomimecow · 01/12/2010 17:56

This is very odd, I think there is more to it than your DD being off for a day.
I wonder if, after giving the part to your child, they have realised they have a very talented child who has been overlooked (or perhaps a child of a very influential parent)and she has been secretly understudying, whilst they look for a reason to oust your DD.The illness thing just doesn't ring true, there is another agenda at work.

WorldsSlowestTypist · 01/12/2010 17:58

Eeek you pay for these loonies to educate your child????!!!!

I wonder how much the Mum of Cinders no. 2 has donated to the school recently?

blackeyedsusan · 01/12/2010 17:58

that is appalling. I would seriously question whether I would want to keep my child in a school like that.

the children should share the role with the other child just learning part of the role at such short notice. It is unfair to deprive this child after all it is not her fault either.

please tell your daughter that you are proud of her for her effort and that this situation is unfair. She should not have to learn this young that adults you should be able to trust can be so unfair.

Bahhhumbug · 01/12/2010 17:58

Good health is not a virtue - that is so true. Many employers used to reward people with 100% attendance with a quite hefty bonus. BT - for one - when I worked for them years ago withdrew it as they decided it was a policy that might encourage people who were genuinly sick to crawl into work if for example they were a few weeks off their one full year without sick leave so it went against their duty of care.

But a child - and one poxy day out of a whole year. They have made her into a real life Cinderella with her dresses and all and not going to the ball - bless her. Local papers would have a field day.

SandStorm · 01/12/2010 17:59

I'd remind them who pays their salary - private schools are, of necessity, run as a business and their customer service is truly appalling.

May not solve anything but you might feel better.

llareggub · 01/12/2010 18:00

I think pantomimecow has nailed it, and quite rightly too, given her name. You've probably upset a 7 year old with 6 siblings all lined up to attend the school or something.

Sounds like a horrid school, I do hope you manage to sort this to everyone's satisfaction. Perhaps they could do a performance each?

saffy85 · 01/12/2010 18:01

YANBU. Your daughter has learnt a lesson: she's learnt that even though she's worked really hard it wasn't worth it as she's lost the part. Coz she was ill. Oh and she's also leanrt that some teachers are arseholes

Don't let this go. As others have said go the headteacher! Totally out of order!

whatdoiknowanyway · 01/12/2010 18:02

"believe me I didn't want to send my children there "

I'd pull your children out NOW, then do as others suggest and let the local press know.

This is ridiculous and very cruel. Not a good environment for a 7 year old.

anotherreallyithinknot · 01/12/2010 18:03

this smacks of favouritism.....private school you say?...sorry If i sound a tad paranoid but it there any possibility the the other parents could have had a "say" in this and the school are just using your DD's day off sick as an excuse to swap the lead role to this other child

strandedatseasonsgreetings · 01/12/2010 18:03

Oooh name the school name the school - give them the bad publicity they deserve.

We can start a campaign against them.

Your poor little girl.

MrsNonSmoker · 01/12/2010 18:06

OMG - you actually have to PAY to have your child treated like this?! What a bunch of bullies. Daily Mail job, definitely.

Seriously, most local papers have an online reporter facility where you can type in your contact details and bones of a story then they pick up on it.

Lydwatt · 01/12/2010 18:06

don't you HAVE to keep a child off who has a stomach upset??? isn't the school therefore contradicting itself?

bubbleymummy · 01/12/2010 18:07

Oh my goodness! How DARE they?! I would be absolutely raging if this happened to one of my children. Where is the logic in this headteacher saying that it would be awful to take the part away from a child who has had it for a day when they took the part off your daughter when she had had it for months! Definitely go to the Board of Governors and do have that meeting ASAP - I'm not sure what kind of compromise they are going to suggest but I would be demanding that my daughter be reinstated as Cinderella and the other girl be given a different part!

whiteliesaregoodlies · 01/12/2010 18:09

Well clearly your daughter has no respect for her classmates and teachers, who no doubt would have preferred to have her honking all over them and spreading her germs (so welcome at this time of year I find) rather than miss a day of school. How very dare you take such a decision as a parent?!

Tbh I wonder if the head has been backed into a bit of a corner on this one and thinks it's easier to back up a stupid decision rather than overturn it. Remind her it's a seven year old's school play, not bloody RADA.

Reinstate the Cinders 1!! Let's get an internet campaign going!

strandedatseasonsgreetings · 01/12/2010 18:09

Only go to the local papers if you are prepared to have a picture of your daughter looking really upset, dressed in her Cinderella outfit. They won't do it without that.

A viral internet campaign would do far more damage

undercovamutha · 01/12/2010 18:10

School sound horrendous. I would be FURIOUS - in fact I am on your behalf OP.

Don't let this go.

DirtyMartini · 01/12/2010 18:11

. I hope you do pursue it. Totally bizarre and nasty.

So if it is a whole school production, what was the other child's part before this happened?

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