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AIBU?

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Original poster

I am so angry!

523 replies

KateEllis · 01/12/2010 16:36

At the end of September my DD (age 7) was cast as Cinderella in the school panto. The school takes these things VERY seriously so they have had lots of after school sessions etc. I was very pleased for my daughter because she was so excited (please note I did not care about her having a lead role, I just want her to be happy). She has had loads of lines to learn but has been brilliant and learnt them all, on top of learning two solo songs and 4 other songs and attended every after school rehersal. I had also made one of her costumes and bought another. The panto was due to be next friday, then the falling monday and tuesday.

However today this happened. I was waiting in the yard to collect her and her younger sister, when she came out of school I could see it looked like she was on the verge of tears, I asked her what was wrong and she said 'I'm not Cinderella anymore'.
At first my initial thought was, as she was ill yesterday mybe somebody covered for her and she was a bit confused. I asked this but she insisted the part had been given to another little girl.
Her teacher was in the yard so I went over to speak to her.
I just said dd is a bit upset because she thinks she is no longer playing cinderella.
Her teacher said "That's right she isn't"
I asked why and she said
"Well she was off yesterday, and I expect people who are given big parts to show a commitment. It is also to show her that good attendance is a must"
Yesterday was the first day my daughter has had off this year!!!!!!
She also said she has given another girl the part and now this little girl has to learn everything by next friday which just seems impossible for a 7 yo, and as I said the school will expect this girl to learn all the lines as they take drama productions extremely seriously.

My daughter is so upset and I am so angry, up until today her teacher and others have been coming up to me in the yard and saying how great she is doing now they have completely devastated her after all the effort she has put in. She now has no part at all, as its a whole school production all parts are taken up.

I am so angry Angry and upset for my poor daughter who hasn't stopped crying Sad

OP posts:
CommanderDrool · 01/12/2010 19:31
Angry

I can't believe professionals can be this petty over s bloody school show.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 01/12/2010 19:37

I hate to bring this up (you probably know anyway), but if you try and move your DD for next term, they will charge you the full term's fees.

I hope it doesn't get to this stage, but I'd advise looking at your agreement with them before the meeting. You'll have to be very clever careful about how you word any discussions on removing DD. Make sure you say things like 'I'm afraid you've forced me...' 'I'm being backed into a corner...' 'I have no alternative....' Put the onus for her leaving on them as it's their cock-up that's brought you to this stage and you shouldn't be paying a term's fees for nothing.

Rant over.

CommanderDrool · 01/12/2010 19:37

Actually that reminds 'me of the time I was shouted st by idiot drama teacher for missing a few rehearsals. Once a month I had to cash up tills after school as I worked part time in WH Smith meaning I missed some of his masterful direction. It still rankles as I needed my job but wanted to be in th play.

Do not take this lying down op.

whiteliesaregoodlies · 01/12/2010 19:49

The other thing I meant to add - you've clearly and articulately set out the facts in the OP. Make sure you're letter is just as concise and to the point. Do NOT let them paint this as a "mummy who is terribly upset that her little poppet didn't get a starring role" situation.

I'm sorry to say (and I speak as someone whose dcs are at a private school) there are heads out there who think they know best and have the right to act as they please. Not all private schools, but some. They are accountable to you as parents and don't let them forget it.

REINSTATE THE CINDERS 1!

TottWriter · 01/12/2010 19:50

Disgusting of the shcool to defend this nutjob woman. How a teacher can be so callous is beyond me.

FreudianFoxSquishedByAPouffe · 01/12/2010 20:07

Is there another reason her teacher doesn't like your DD?

AnyoneforTurps · 01/12/2010 20:08

Bloody hell, as a GP I am forever asking parents not to send kids to school unless they are properly over D&V as unfair on the other children and staff. I would be mortified if a parent followed my advice and this happened.

Agree with others who have said that you should stress the nonsensical nature of their sickness policy (or lack thereof). No school should punish a child for being sick and they would be in breach of disability legislation if they did this to a child with chronic disease. I'd ask them how they would "punish" a child with leukaemia or brittle asthma.

jessiealbright · 01/12/2010 20:16

How can you punish or reward seven year olds for their attendance? If Mummy and Daddy say "you're not going to school today", they can't go.

Are ill seven year old pupils expected to sneak out of their bedroom windows and shin down the drainpipe? Perhaps with a rope made of knotted sheets?

Wouldn't matter whether the child was actually perfectly well, and Mummy just wanted to sit on the sofa watching Jeremy Kyle instead of the school run. It still wouldn't be the child's fault they weren't at school.

Animation · 01/12/2010 20:26

KateEllis.

Glad to hear you and husband are going in tomorrow. You only need to ask the questions; -

Your daughter was very upset -

What happened? - what's their rationale - why would they do that - what were they hoping to achieve ...

Let them dig their own hole.

Good luck. :)

pantomimecow · 01/12/2010 20:26

it is unlikely parents would keep them off unnecessarily when they're paying how much a day ?

c0rns1lk · 01/12/2010 20:32

It's bullying. Angry
Do they have a policy which covers attendance etc. Sounds to me like they've made up that particular sanction

clam · 01/12/2010 20:33

I repeat: DO NOT ACCEPT A COMPROMISE!!!!! Anything less than your DD being reinstated in her original role is unacceptable.

And don't let them think they're doing you a favour if they eventually relent.

DirtyMartini · 01/12/2010 20:34

Grin at jessiealbright

Dansmommy · 01/12/2010 20:42

Do not agree to meet with the other parents either. They are really not your problem.

In the long run, please take her out and send her to a decent school. Make sure they understand it's because of their shocking attitude, not the Cinderella role.

If this teacher can be so unthinkingly cruel so easily, I wouldn't want her caring for my child.

AnyoneforTurps · 01/12/2010 20:50

Agree with dansmommy - the other parents are the school's problem, not yours.

ShoppingDays · 01/12/2010 20:55

YANBU. There must be something else behind this. It sounds like bullying and you need to get to the bottom of the real reasons.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 20:59

KICK THE TEACHER IN THE VAGINE

MadAboutQuavers · 01/12/2010 21:09

I love you bupcakes Grin

This is terrible Op, I would put the ball firmly in their court at this meeting and demand to know how they intend to fix this situation - not to mention their idiocy in creating it in the first place

Poor DD

Animation · 01/12/2010 21:18

Yeah - they fucked up - so they can reinstate your daughter - and apologise to her.

Then they can apologise to Cinderela 2 and give her another part -(or devise another part) if they're all taken up.

TandB · 01/12/2010 21:22

This is a horrible, horrible to do to a child. I would be inclined to point out that if the equivalent happened in the workplace the employer would be sued. And point out that the school is supposed to be preparing children for life in the adult world and that if they can't do that then you consider them in breach of an implied contract to deal properly with your daughter and will therefore not be paying a term's fees if you decide to pull her out.

jessiealbright · 01/12/2010 21:25

Other posters' suggestions that skulduggery may be afoot make more and more sense.

If reliability (attending every single rehearsal, for example) and professional performances are so important, there's surely no way they could expect another girl to learn the lines and songs with such short notice!

Was the other girl previously chosen to understudy your daughter?

Animation · 01/12/2010 21:26

As Kungfupannda says - definate breach of contract - and verbal is enough to be binding.

MummyDoIt · 01/12/2010 21:27

I am utterly appalled by this. Your poor DD! I agree with other posters - do not compromise. Your DD must be reinstated, nothing else will do.

Do you know the parents of Cinders 2? If so, is it worth appealing to them? I would not be at all happy about my child being given something that another child had worked hard for and, if I were Cinders 2's mother, would refuse to allow her to take the part, if I knew the full circumstances.

Limara · 01/12/2010 21:27

Grumpla that is SOOOO funny, PMSL! Grin

peeringintothevoid · 01/12/2010 21:28

Personally I'd withdraw her from the school, due to complete loss of confidence in the leadership of the head teacher (not to mention the behaviour of the teacher in question), and loss of confidence in the school's commitment to the best interests of my child.

I think it's a really good point about them not refunding fees if you withdraw her. In light of that, I'd put a dictaphone (I'm assuming you have one, if you're a doctor Grin ) on the desk tomorrow, "just so I can recall what's been said".

I think you could allege a failure in their duty of care to your DD based on what's happened so far, and if you have the head on tape repeating the absurd things she said to you on the phone, I don't expect they'd have a leg to stand on in refusing to refund your fees.

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