I am so angry!

[KateEllis]

At the end of September my DD (age 7) was cast as Cinderella in the school panto. The school takes these things VERY seriously so they have had lots of after school sessions etc. I was very pleased for my daughter because she was so excited (please note I did not care about her having a lead role, I just want her to be happy). She has had loads of lines to learn but has been brilliant and learnt them all, on top of learning two solo songs and 4 other songs and attended every after school rehersal. I had also made one of her costumes and bought another. The panto was due to be next friday, then the falling monday and tuesday.

However today this happened. I was waiting in the yard to collect her and her younger sister, when she came out of school I could see it looked like she was on the verge of tears, I asked her what was wrong and she said 'I'm not Cinderella anymore'.
At first my initial thought was, as she was ill yesterday mybe somebody covered for her and she was a bit confused. I asked this but she insisted the part had been given to another little girl.
Her teacher was in the yard so I went over to speak to her.
I just said dd is a bit upset because she thinks she is no longer playing cinderella.
Her teacher said "That's right she isn't"
I asked why and she said
"Well she was off yesterday, and I expect people who are given big parts to show a commitment. It is also to show her that good attendance is a must"
Yesterday was the first day my daughter has had off this year!!!!!!
She also said she has given another girl the part and now this little girl has to learn everything by next friday which just seems impossible for a 7 yo, and as I said the school will expect this girl to learn all the lines as they take drama productions extremely seriously.

My daughter is so upset and I am so angry, up until today her teacher and others have been coming up to me in the yard and saying how great she is doing now they have completely devastated her after all the effort she has put in. She now has no part at all, as its a whole school production all parts are taken up.

I am so angry and upset for my poor daughter who hasn't stopped crying

I am so by this but very pleased that you stood your ground and sorted it out Kate.

I agree with others though - once your kids are out go to the papers, the head and the teacher are a disgrace and shouldn't be allowed to teach kids.

that mother !!! good lord, you couldn't make it up !!!

Very glad your daughter is back in her role.

Let us know how the play goes. :)

I'm betting that either Pushymum or her DH are on the Board of Governors, actually.

Can't believe she was that bloody brazen about it though - as others have said, it does sound straight out of the pages of a novel! Perhaps she's read too many of them and thinks people can actually get away with that sort of behaviour.

Hurrah for the lovely music teacher and for Cinders2 the Fairy Godmother for their decency and honesty. And BOO! to all pushymums like the one the OP had to deal with!

Gosh, this sounds like a rotten situation, but could not have been handled better by yourselves. Your dd has a priceless asset in such level-headed parents.

Does anyone remember Mrs Olsen from Little House on the Prairie? Sounds like a surreal encounter with grease palming mom.

Was planning to move to this (suspected) area and the co-ed is hard(impossible) to get into. Now beginning to worry about the two boys ones which seemed more accessible. Is this at the heart of such establishments? Thought they'd offer everything, but what use would that be if they were riddled with favourtism and impart flawed values.

Yes, this mum definitely had a Mrs Olsen moment

Gosh this is the thread that keeps on giving!

I can't believe that last instalment. Or perhaps I'm being naive for thinking these people don't actually exist. I'm almost dreading my dc1 going to school and having to potentially deal with this sort of nightmare.

I hope for your sake that's the last you hear of it KE....

Today's the day it will all kick off again ....

What a horrible, selfish, manipulative woman

I am so glad you have stood your ground - full of admiration for you!

Er, have I missed something here - is this not one sharp-elbowed, middle-class parent "out-elbowing" another one?!

If Cinderalla2's Mother had posted on here, with the whole "drama" (!!!) written from her point of view, everyone would have been on her side and have cast KateEllis as the "nightmare Mother".

All very fickle and all very predictable.

A sense of persepctive is required. This a school pantomime under discussion here - NOT where one finds the next crust of bread with which to feed one's family etc etc.

Having said that, both mothers impress me with the interest they take in their children.

Well done, OP. Please keep us updated after you write to the govenors, etc.

GuardianReader - are you new to these parts?

Most people get a total roasting on AIBU, but for once, everyone is on the side of the OP.

Had Cinders2's Mum posted with her side of events, I don't doubt she too would have received that roasting!

KE - well done, beautifully handled!

Guardian Reader - are you Cinders2's mummy, perchance?

LOL at Cinders2's mum being sided with.

Honestly, this is a pariah among AIBU threads, what with us all agreeing with the OP and such.

Anyone coming on here saying they were angry that they bought their DD a part and it got given back to the original girl would have PFB yelled at her from here to kingdom come. And even if they were easy on the details MNers are pretty good at whiffling out the juicy details on threads.

"both mothers impress me with the interest they take in their children" - but cinders2 wanted to be fairygodmother. It was her mother than wanted her to be cinderella (I believe this is called living through your children). Hardly in the child's best interests. KateEllis was upset because her child was upset. That is very very different from being a pushy mother

KateEllis impresses me the other mother sounds like a pushy parent and one I would not like to come across!

Well done and I am glad your DD has her rightful part back!

No Guardianreader - this is someone refusing to be elbowed out. Are people not allowed to stand up for themselves and their children without being labelled pushy? Or is it the middle-class-ness you object to? Would you be cheering KateEllis on if she was a chimney sweep?

'A sense of persepctive is required. This a school pantomime under discussion here - NOT where one finds the next crust of bread with which to feed one's family etc etc.'

I think that's a fine piece of mansplaining, GuradianReader. (= 'To explain in a patronizing manner, assuming total ignorance on the part of those listening/reading.')

*Grauniad

At last this is turning into a PROPER aibu thread - kicking off ....

ROLF at 'chimney sweep'.

Hi everyone written my letter to the governors and will be posting it in the morning. Also had a busy evening phoning the two local primaries, and it is looking positive, my preferred choice says they should be able to accommodate my DC in the new term!

My DC also don't seem to mind the idea of changing schools, we moved here in August so the children have only been at this school since September, and although they have made friends they have also made friends with children in the local primary through clubs etc.

Obviously I didn't want to uproot them again, but feel like this is the right thing to do, especially as I was never keen on the idea of this school.

GuardianReader- Please do not think that this situation has arisen due to me being a pushy parent, this is something I strive not to be. I was angered greatly over this situation due to three simple reasons - the injustice, the idea of punishing 7 yo's for sick days, and the bribery.
My daughter was terribly upset after months of hard work due to the terrible behaviour of two adults, and I could not let this rest.
I am not trying to 'out-elbow' anyone, as I do live in the real world, and unlike the teachers in question and parents of cinders2 realise that it is just a pantomime, and really this whole issue has not been about the pantomime but the wrong doings of the adults who are supposed to be teaching children to grow up into good people with good morals.

KE, you don't have to justify yourself to anyone, the overwhelming, majority thing you did an excellent job of sticking up for your dd.

You will probably go down as a MN legend!

Well said again Kate.

Hearing that your DC only started the school in Sept does beg the question if that was cinders 2 parents problem. For example new girl taking over as the star pupil. Yes stupid, but maybe her DD was the top/ favourite before that. Its all the more credit to your DD that she made such an impression in such a short time of being in the school before parts were handed out.

Oh well shes learnt (mum 2) and cash do not equal - lead role!!