I am so angry!

[KateEllis]

At the end of September my DD (age 7) was cast as Cinderella in the school panto. The school takes these things VERY seriously so they have had lots of after school sessions etc. I was very pleased for my daughter because she was so excited (please note I did not care about her having a lead role, I just want her to be happy). She has had loads of lines to learn but has been brilliant and learnt them all, on top of learning two solo songs and 4 other songs and attended every after school rehersal. I had also made one of her costumes and bought another. The panto was due to be next friday, then the falling monday and tuesday.

However today this happened. I was waiting in the yard to collect her and her younger sister, when she came out of school I could see it looked like she was on the verge of tears, I asked her what was wrong and she said 'I'm not Cinderella anymore'.
At first my initial thought was, as she was ill yesterday mybe somebody covered for her and she was a bit confused. I asked this but she insisted the part had been given to another little girl.
Her teacher was in the yard so I went over to speak to her.
I just said dd is a bit upset because she thinks she is no longer playing cinderella.
Her teacher said "That's right she isn't"
I asked why and she said
"Well she was off yesterday, and I expect people who are given big parts to show a commitment. It is also to show her that good attendance is a must"
Yesterday was the first day my daughter has had off this year!!!!!!
She also said she has given another girl the part and now this little girl has to learn everything by next friday which just seems impossible for a 7 yo, and as I said the school will expect this girl to learn all the lines as they take drama productions extremely seriously.

My daughter is so upset and I am so angry, up until today her teacher and others have been coming up to me in the yard and saying how great she is doing now they have completely devastated her after all the effort she has put in. She now has no part at all, as its a whole school production all parts are taken up.

I am so angry and upset for my poor daughter who hasn't stopped crying

that is insane! If the head doesn't do anything go to the governers and the local papers.

Tell the school that she wasnt in because she has a 24 hour bug, a bug that if she would have come to school would have found her shitting herself, or words to that effect.

For god sake you kept her home because (a) she was not fit enough to attend and (b) did not want her infecting others with whatever she had.

I would be going ballistic and already have reeled off a venomous email to the Head by now.

Totally awful reaction from the teacher. One day off!!

I would phone the head and ask him/her if they had rather you sent your DD in with an upset stomach. I would also ask what the school will do if the "new" cinderella is ill next week!!

Appalling - as others have said, you did the right thing to keep her off with D&V - I'm sure the teacher wouldn't thank you for her 'commitment' if she caught it herself, or half the cast came down with it.

Out of interest, is it a private school? (I only ask because in my experience they tend to take these performances seriously and use them as a major fund-raiser). Doesn't change the injustice of the situation for your DD, though.

Angry on your behalf - completely outrageous - por little girl - this is blatantly unjust and totlaly rificulous! See the Head and create hell - importatn whatever the outcome that your DDs see that you will not jsut accept an unjust situation - if a child is ill, as others have sadi of course she can't go to school!!!!!

I had the exact same thing happen to me with the school christmas nativity when I was 7 or 8. I wasn't one of the lead characters (one of the 3 wise men I believe!) but had a day or 2 off sick and found on my return that my part had been given away. I can still remember the disappointment and confusion now.

Phone the school and complain.

:( that's horrible YANBU.

Some schools seem to forget the purpose of school shows - they think they're about being perfect and professional. Whereas IMO it's not about that, its about having fun and working together, and entertainment.

I was chosen by everyone in my year to play Nancy in our yr6 show Oliver Twist. I was turned down because...

I wore glasses.

Fucks sake.

I would be incandescent! And, although of course it is secondary, I would pretty upset if I was the mother of the girl who got your daughter's part, as that also seems really terrible pressure - making her learn a lead role in a week. What sort of school thinks that is a good idea?

Pantos are supposed to be a bit of fun. They are YOUNG KIDS. The school is taking it way too seriously. What happens if someone fluffs their lines on the day or does something off-script - detention? A beating maybe?

Maybe a wider discussion with them about their attitude to school productions is in order, after this issue is resolved. Good luck. YANBU, sheesh!

Please let us know what happens, this is just stupid.

I teach drama and have very high expectations when it comes to attendance, it is very annoying and disruptive when people are missing but this is really not on. One day off because she was ill is totally reasonable and this teacher has totally overreacted. I really don't know what she was thinking. I hope that you get some sense out of the head teacher.

Disgusting. Your poor daughter. Have you phoned the head?

YANBU. I would be raging and by fuck they would feel my wrath.

Horrible teacher. Your poor, poor child.

Your poor DD I'd be raging if this happened to one of my girls. Have you managed to speak to the Head?

I can understand them giving away the part if your DD was constantly missing rehearsals etc, but one day off for genuine illness? They are being VVVU.

It sounds like they put a lot of pressure on the kids to be perfect too (in the productions I mean) which is quite sad. Where is the fun in it?

This is unbelievable - Are you absolutely sure?

Might they have decided to double cast the role (each girl playing the role for half the performances)? This can share the fun and provides understudies in case of illness.Maybe your daughter's absence made the teachers realise that they would be in trouble if she was ill.

In my opinion all school productions with large roles to learn should double cast as a matter of course.

Sorry that your daughter is so upset but don't lose hope yet.

Just got off the phone after speaking to the head. She said that its the school policy to reward good attendance and punish children who do not attend, I told her that I do not think children at this age should be being punished as ultimately it is the parents responsibility. I also told as a doctor, I know when and when not to send my children to school. Yesterday sending her to school would have been irresponsible and neglectful to her and other children. (The school have no sickness policy which I told her I thought was bad).
She kept saying how important good attendance was, I explained that although attendance is important health of my children is my foremost priority, and good health is not a virtue.
I also explained that I think it is too much responsibility on the other 7 yo, she will be under so much pressure now, and if it was my little girl I would be angry.
I also said she has seen the effort my daughter has gone to and think this is incredibly cruel and for no reason at all. I said I would be contacting the governors.
She said she will arrange to have a meeting with myself the teacher and the other girl's parents. To see if a compromise can be agreed. She also said she didn't think she could give the part back to my daughter as that would be upsetting the other little girl. I told her that would be due to the schools incompetence and creating a situation over nothing.
I am still so so so angry. I am thinking I still may contact the governors.

I should also add that I rang the school and informed them of my daughters absence and gave the reason.
Yes it is a private school - and believe me I didn't want to send my children there but we have recently moved here and my DH insisted after much confrontation from me ... but that's another rant!

Yes contact the govenors. The head & the teacher sound rather odd.

Yes, contact the governors. They should be doing something about the lack of sickness policy, if nothing else, surely?

ridiculous.....and dont hand over ANY of the costume you have bought!!

Good for you for standing up to the head. I am so for you!

What utter bollocks about 'rewarding good attendance' - how is it a child's fault if they're ill, or in the best interests of anyone else in the school to have a sick and infectious child there? If this is how the teachers and head behave, I would be removing my DD from that school forthwith.

I am astonished that she maintained such a ridiculous stance in the face of all your logic. I would certainly report this to the governors.

inform the governers - and the local press. Private prep schools can't afford bad press.

To be honest, it shows a certain lack of caring attitude from the Head and the teachers, are you sure this is the right place for your DD long term? They seem a bit too hard for my liking... (but then maybe I'm a softie)

'school policy to reward good attendance and punish children who do not attend'

This is possibly the most ludicrious thing I have ever heard. So a 7 year old who is off sick is to be punished when they return to school. For what? Being sick?

I would have serious issues with my children attending such a school. Its policies are frankly bizarre. How they treat young children is contemptable. I expect schools to cherish children not to devestate them on some warped principal. I also do not like the way the school play is being taken so seriously. I would be remiving my child to be honest.

This is horrible. Your poor little girl. I'd definitely contact the governors - it's about more than the school panto now.