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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not tell my friend what her fiance got up to on his stag weekend?

643 replies

BottleOfRum · 01/12/2010 11:38

Best friend is getting married to her partner of 5years. Have always thought they made a lovely couple.

DH, and a number of other mutual male friends went on the stag weekend. DH came home and said that the best man had organised strippers to turn up to the hotel room, and they hancuffed the groom-to-be to the bed, and one of the strippers gave groom-to-be a blow job.

I am absolutely disgusted by this. Mostly disgusted by the behaviour of the best man, who organised it, but also with all the men present, who must have been instrumental in handcuffing their friend to the bed. I can't believe how disrespectful it is to my friend who is getting married to him.

Now, since the groom-to-be was tied up, I don't blame him as much as the others - there is not much he could do apart from protest I would imagine.

If you knew this information, would you tell your best friend? My first thought was that its none of my business, and I wont mention it, but its been playing on my mind since, and I can imagine how hurt she would be with me if she knew I knew and didn't tell her.

OP posts:

Malificence · 02/12/2010 17:39

There wouldn't really be much point seeing as he's been dead for 14 years.

peeringintothevoid · 02/12/2010 17:43

Well then you weren't adhering to your very important policy of "complete honesty", were you Mal

Malificence · 02/12/2010 17:44

Let me elaborate (I'm not a complete sociopath) - it was a metaphor.

Her father has metaphorically stabbed her through the heart by being involved in the proceedings - he deserves nothing less than to be cut out of her life completely, and yes - he would be dead to me in that respect.

I forget that some people take my ramblings quite literally.

spidookly · 02/12/2010 17:48

People really struggling with the concept of honesty, I see.

Hint: saying hyperbolic things that are clearly not supposed to be taken seriously != dishonest

RunawayChristmasTree · 02/12/2010 17:53

I think the bride and groom to be need to find much much better friends

peeringintothevoid · 02/12/2010 18:00

I guess, having been overwhelmed by the sheer amount of hyperbole around at the moment, it grates slightly when someone spouts hyperbole, then claims to be a completely honest person.

Sorry Mal - I totally missed that you were speaking metaphorically.

ChippingIn · 02/12/2010 19:33

Pen - wow - what a story! I can't believe your ex could be that callous about your kitten and about your feelings! Bastard! I am glad you called off the wedding and didn't go through with it due to your Mums pressure. Your Dad sounds absolutely lovely :) You were so brave to go to the reception - I cannot believe your Mum demanded you do that!

I also can't believe the bloke tells you not to marry a scum bag and kisses you and you knee him in the balls and give him what for! It's a wonder you ever got married!

Life is a bastard though isn't it - you'd think after all of that you'd be due a smooth ride! Still as you say, you have an honest relationship - so I hope it all works out for you.

(What did he do that you felt he caused his own heart attack???}

twopeople · 02/12/2010 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Morloth · 02/12/2010 22:46

Either the groom has been sexually assaulted or he is a cheating scumbag. Seems pretty clear to me.

If it is scumbag then you need to talk to your friend. If sexual assault you need to talk to him.

I would be wondering about my DH as well if he was a party to this. Yuck.

onmyfeet · 03/12/2010 09:16

BoneyBackJefferson, I do see what you mean if about a woman, and agree with you, but it really does not sound like he was having a bad time, and wanted to leave. "admits that a BJ took place, but blames it on getting 'carried away with the lads' etc,"

If the hooker hired really sexually assaulted him against his will, why not call the police? His friends all sound like vile pigs.
I feel so sorry for his bride to be.
I do not think a rape victim asks for it, under any situation, if a person says stop, and they do not, it is assault, and up to them to report to police.

GuardianReader · 03/12/2010 10:10

I can't believe the naivete being displayed here. Whilst there is an unwritten rule about "what goes on tour, stays on tour", this sort of thing happens far more often than the women on here seem to want to believe.

FWIW, male strippers and hen nights are another heady mix!!

notjustapotforsoup · 03/12/2010 10:17

Racking my brains here, Guardian Reader, but I don't recall hearing about a hen getting her clit licked on her hen night.

Janos · 03/12/2010 10:30

You know what, I read the last couple of pages and really believed Malificence, like 100%, when she said she would stab her father to death.

It was so obvious that she really meant that was what she would do in these circumstances.

It didn't occur to me that she was using a metaphor or exaggerating to make a point.

That's cos I is a bit thick, innit?

Pennies · 03/12/2010 10:47

Fucking hell. What a bunch of horrible men. I don't subscribe to the "all men are bastards" brigade but this is certainly boorishness and staggering stupidity at its worst.

The groom for not saying no and then bragging about it.

The FIL for knowing in advance what potentially could happen and not stopping it.

The best man and pals for organising it, particularly considering the presence of the FIL and OP's DH (bride's best mate's DH) both of whom have the primary loyalty with the bride. What utter fucking imbeciles.

And because of this collection of arseholes (what is the collective noun for arseholes, I wonder) this bride has had her whole world rocked. Poor girl. I hope she doesn't marry him or if she does those who organised this whole sorry debacle are not at the wedding and are ditched as friends forever.

God I feel for your friend.

GuardianReader · 03/12/2010 10:58

notjustapotforsoup - no, with hen nights it is still blow-jobs that occur...just the 'hen' being the one that is forced/encouraged/egged on to provide one on the stripper.

ledkr · 03/12/2010 11:13

Not as much tho guardian.Think female strippers are pretty much no hold barred but a lot of male ones stay well away from even contact.It definatley happens tho.
My dh doesnt go on them as although he loves agood night out doesnt want to be involved with all the so called laddish shit they get up to and says hes far too old to be drinking more than one night in a row haha.He has had a fair bit of stick for it tbh and said to me yesterday that untill blokes start to have the balls to do the same as him these "dos" will continue to get more and more extreme and debauched.

Myleetlepony · 03/12/2010 14:42

"He escorted me to my car, kissed me,(badly,) said "Please don't marry him; I love you".
We had only ever exchanged hand shakes and spreadsheets prior to that."
That will remain with me all day, what a fantastic piece of prose.

surfandturf · 03/12/2010 21:40

I must admit I would be furious if I found out my DH had done anything like this - but on the other hand I kind of get the feeling that blokes would get a hell of a lot of stick from their so called mates if they didn't go along with a lot of the stag do antics that usually occur. I would call it 'bullying', they call it being 'one of the lads'. The ringleaders bullies are the ones mainly to blame. Blokes are very different to women and their 'friendships' are built on different things.
Obviously it doesn't make it right - but just trying to see it from a male POV.

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