to not tell my friend what her fiance got up to on his stag weekend?

[BottleOfRum]

Best friend is getting married to her partner of 5years. Have always thought they made a lovely couple.

DH, and a number of other mutual male friends went on the stag weekend. DH came home and said that the best man had organised strippers to turn up to the hotel room, and they hancuffed the groom-to-be to the bed, and one of the strippers gave groom-to-be a blow job.

I am absolutely disgusted by this. Mostly disgusted by the behaviour of the best man, who organised it, but also with all the men present, who must have been instrumental in handcuffing their friend to the bed. I can't believe how disrespectful it is to my friend who is getting married to him.

Now, since the groom-to-be was tied up, I don't blame him as much as the others - there is not much he could do apart from protest I would imagine.

If you knew this information, would you tell your best friend? My first thought was that its none of my business, and I wont mention it, but its been playing on my mind since, and I can imagine how hurt she would be with me if she knew I knew and didn't tell her.

I would definitely want to know. It is pretty dispicable behaviour from all of them. They were all complicit in the groom cheating on his soon-to-be wife, and that speaks volumes about how they view their own wives and partners imo.

I would be horrified and disgusted if my DH had been party to something like this and I would definitely tell.

She's your best friend.

Of course you should tell her.

Those men are animals. It sounds like the groom was sexually assaulted.

Are you OK that your DH did nothing to stop this?

I literally feel a bit sick about it all, I really don't know what to do. I dont WANT to tell her - I genuinely don't think I could face being the one to break her heart, she is so so happy with this man. But part of me thinks that if he can do that to her a few weeks before their wedding, then perhaps he still thinks that sort of "lad" behaviour is acceptable, as long as his little wifey never finds out.

Itsjustafleshwound Yes, I wish wish WISH DH hadn't told me. It was playing on his mind that it was wrong too (obviously not enough to say something at the time!), and he knows how highly I think of my friend, so I suppose he thought I would be able to 'help' him with his moral dilemma, but its made it worse.

why don't you speak to the groom and find out what the hell he was playing at. tell him you are close to telling her and tell him you expect him to do it first, if he refuses tell her as that shows complete disrespect and lack of a relationship in the first place. marriage is for better or worse, aybe they can work through it but they are more likely do that if he is honest with her and gives her the opportunity to forgive.

I don't know if you will ever be able to look at your best friend with her husband without picturing him on his stag night.

I doubt that you will be able to forget it

Hmmm, having read further I'm reassessing the sexual assault thing.

It's all so vile.

You need to tell your friend so she can rid her life of these scumbags. All of them.

That is really horrific.

I also think that saying that the groom was 'sexually assaulted' is not true. He met them all in the pub later, and the photos of the night seem like he had a great time within minutes of arriving to see them all. He certainly didn't look angry at them to me, which is where my dilemma is. If I thought the groom was fuming mad with his friends about how innapropriate it was, I wouldnt feel the need to tell my friend. Its because I think he enjoyed it and is just classing it as 'lad behaviour' that it bothers me so much.

i've been in a similar position, kept my mouth shut, when the shit did hit the fan which ultimately it always does, i felt dreadful that i didn't speak up sooner and i lost a friend through it.

I would not involve the "Groom" to be, I would deal straight with her if you do decide to tell, that way she gets support, expect her to be mad at you for telling her.

You are in a difficult position here - there is no good way out of this situation (though obviously none of it is of the OPs making).

The only reason that I would lean towards telling the bride to be is that there is the possibility of STD following the bj.

Bottleofrum - are you convinced that this story is true? It sounds like something happened to someone, but I wonder if what you have been told is the whole truth?

As if they didn't watch!

If the husband to be was generally a good guy and I liked him, then I would pretend that my dh never told me what happened. I would ask him to forget that he told me and then maintain complete silence as if, indeed, it had never happened.

In my view (slips into flame retardent underwear) Stag and Hen Nights are a free pass.

Is he a blokey-bloke - as awful as it is and as despicably as he has acted, was he just carried away and caught up in the whole 'stag-do' thing??? What is the groom like 'normally'??

I would leave alone and move on.

if it was my best friend i would absoloutely tell her. i care abour her. common sense no?

DON'T tell her - the groom made one slip, which he was pushed into while very, very drunk. People are human - they make mistakes.

I agree, it was horrible, but is it worth destroying her wedding and relationship over? As my DH always says to me - don't ever be unfaithful, and if you are, don't tell me. You'll make yourself feel virtuous for two seconds and destroy their relationship forever.

What he did was bad and I don't think there's any harm in telling HIM that you know and that you were a hair's breadth from telling his fiancee - that will probably be enough of a shock to make sure he never does it again. If, in general, he seems like a nice, decent bloke (and friends are usually the best judge of these things) and 99% of the time he's good for your friend and makes her genuinely happy, keep your mouth shut. It's done, it's gone, don't make too much of a meal of it.

If, on the other hand, you've never felt right about this bloke and you get the vibe he's probably an untrustworthy sleazebag, tell her (but be prepared to lose the friendship).

I think you have some options.

Speak to the groom to be and ask if he is going to tell his fiance.

Tell your friend everything.

Say nothing.

Make a story up about someone else to gauge the fiances reaction.

I would want to know. Would you?

Unfortunately often the messenger is blamed but the one to blame here is the groom to be. He could have said no.

Is there any chance the couple agreed anything went on the stag/hen nights?

Without sounding very naive, it is possible that the groom has said that's what happened when in fact nothing did. Yes a very slim chance but still possible if noone else was in the room and if the best man is the sort if person to organise that he is the sort to make the groom feel ge shod be doing these things.

I remember Kerry Katona found out after her wedding that Brian McFadden did this, he later went on to cheat on her with Delta didn't he?

Bleurgh. Men like this actually exist? Thank fuck for my sheltered life. Oh, and surely the 'strippers' were actually prostitutes? Ick .

The way you wrote your first post made it sound like the groom was restrained and touched sexually while a room of men looked on. That would be sexual assault.

And if that had happened you should absolutely have told his wife-to-be as the poor bastard would need someone he loved to support him.

What you now describe is less disturbing but still something you should warn someone about before they tie themselves for life to a complete low life.

if the men all left the room, how can your dh be so sure what happened? Presume this is what the groom tobe told him but he may not have been telling the truth (more could have happened, less orn othing could have happened).

I don't know what I woul ddo tbh

I think you need to be doing some serious questioning of your DH before you talk to anyone.

I really don't think you have been given the full story