to not tell my friend what her fiance got up to on his stag weekend?

[BottleOfRum]

Best friend is getting married to her partner of 5years. Have always thought they made a lovely couple.

DH, and a number of other mutual male friends went on the stag weekend. DH came home and said that the best man had organised strippers to turn up to the hotel room, and they hancuffed the groom-to-be to the bed, and one of the strippers gave groom-to-be a blow job.

I am absolutely disgusted by this. Mostly disgusted by the behaviour of the best man, who organised it, but also with all the men present, who must have been instrumental in handcuffing their friend to the bed. I can't believe how disrespectful it is to my friend who is getting married to him.

Now, since the groom-to-be was tied up, I don't blame him as much as the others - there is not much he could do apart from protest I would imagine.

If you knew this information, would you tell your best friend? My first thought was that its none of my business, and I wont mention it, but its been playing on my mind since, and I can imagine how hurt she would be with me if she knew I knew and didn't tell her.

...presumably, prompted

UPDATE

Apologies for disappearing off yesterday, I was starting to feel sick with it all going round in my head, and I needed some distance from the problem.

Best friend rang me yesterday evening, asking if I'd heard any rumours about the stag weekend. I couldn't lie when asked directly by her, so told her what DH had told me. It turns out her own FATHER was one of the 29men at the weekend (I didnt know this before) and her father had been complicit in the "tying the stag to the bed, and then leaving him" thing, but he assumed the strippers would just dance for him etc, and didnt find out anything further happened until the coach home.

So Best Friend's dad came home (fuming angry), told best friends mum, and best friends mum told my best friend (if you are all still with me).

So the Bride knows now, its in her hands, I don't know yet what she will do, but am still feeling awful for her. Thanks for all those who gave constructive advice (which mostly seemed to stop halfway through!), it was good to get the different opinions.

Oh dear what an awful situation all round.

I'm really sorry to hear that for your friend, but pleased that it made the decision for you and ended the whole, not being sure what's for the best.

oh, and 5DollarShake thank you for defending my lovely DH!! Whilst all the insults directed towards him didn't bother me much, I showed him this thread and he was wondering why HIS integrity was being questionned and he wanted to come on to tell you all he neither knew nor liked these people in the first place, and that only the bestman and his 'inner circle' had known the full extent of what was happening at the time, the others only realised when the groom came down and was telling them all. I will show him your post, I'm sure he will now be your biggest fan

Poor girl.

I'm glad you're dilemma is over though BottleOfRum

I think you should just forget you ever heard about it.

Well said 5Dollar.

Sorry OP, I meant to post something like that a long time ago but got caught up in other things.

I see no reason at all why suspicion should have been cast on his participation or on his motives for telling you.

He was probably quite shocked. Has he forgiven you yet for making him go? :o

Poor you, all your well-intentioned reasons for encouraging the friendship...

Is your friend OK?

I can't believe they did this with her DAD there. What kind of men are they? Bloody hell.

Rum - I'm so glad it's been taken out of your hands. Your poor friend, though. I hope it all gets resolved to her satisfaction - good luck with it all.

OP that is good news (for you, not your poor BF)

I for one apologise about tarring your DH. You did mention that he was a friend by proxy of the GTB, not an actual friend and I forgot so it was probably harder for him to say "stop it now" to the others. I relayed thsi to my DH and he said he would tell me if he was in your DH's position.

I feel for the bride's dad too. He must feel awful. Silly, silly best man needs a swift boot to the goolies.

OP I'm sorry if I hinted at your DH being implicated in it all too - it's hard to get the full picture from a shortish message sometimes, and it all just sounded so awful that I jumped to conclusions when picturing the scenario in my head - sorry - and I'm very glad for you that your DH is above all that kind of thing!

And I hope your poor friend is ok - her dad sounds like a complete arse BTW - how could he be any part of something like that when the man involved is (maybe?) marrying his daughter??? I will aim my virtual man-bile at him (and the best man & groom obviously) from now on!

Tell your DH to come back on the thread. We've organised a stripper for him to apologise

GTB is stupid as well as repugnant for coming out and telling a group of blokes including his future FIL. Wasn't it obvious he would tell his daughter?

Glad the decision has been taken out of your hands. Your poor friend.

Do you know, I was thinking about this over night and my idea was to tell her parents.

Am horrified her father was party to it.

If I were the bride, I would probably still go ahead with the wedding. However, I would make it perfectly clear to the wives and partners of EVERYBODY there what happened.

I would also ask the best man and father (And groom) to publicly apologise in the speeches.

Make sure the groom's mother knows!

If everything that goes on on stags becomes public knowledge, maybe this kind of thing will happen less and less.

I would show her this thread, and tell her to join in so we can give her advice too

OP I'm so glad that you are no longer trapped with this awful dilemma. I hope it turns out that saying he had a bj was the GTB's bravado/embarrassment, and that they can work it out.

You must tell your friend what you know. Qualify it by stating that it is heresay (from your DH), and she will have to establish the facts.

It's what a good friend would do; despite the unpleasant consequences/repercusions.

In your situation, I would also query my own husband's actions.

He allowed/observed/participated in this vile activity.
My husband would have stopped it or walked away after voicing his distaste.

A work friend ordered strippers for my DH's stag do without his consent, he and 3 of his friends left "his" stag do.
I know this because he rang me to pick him and his friends up and rescue him/them .

"What happens in Vegas, doesn't stay in Vegas" IMO.It's not an excuse for a "final fling". The opportunity for that was prior to the proposal/committment.

It goes to the core of trust and integrity for both you and your friend.

Strippers/prostitutes are already in a grey legal zone. I don't believe that a blow job would be imposed; beyond "NO". They surely wouldn't compromise themselves further in a legally tenuous/precarious position/ "industry".

I wouldn't want to marry such a man; and your friend deserves a choice.

X post.
I type very slowly.

I think She's in the best place.
Now she can make an informed decision.

Wow the father being involved..

Playing devil's advocate here. Just wondering if the father is a real "lad" type? Well I guess he must be really can't imagine your average FIL behaving like that. He's probably a right pain himself and difficult to handle (bit like the best man).

It can be a very weird dynamic with a posturing potential FIL and possibly a potential SIL feeling unsure of what the right answer is to any question about anything ever is? i.e did you get a blow job - yes/no which is the right answer to someone that just tied you down?

Of course it may be groom to be is just as much of a pain and they're all as stupid as one another.

BUT what if the groom to be didn't want it to happen? But didn't feel condfident to tell the fil to piss off?

As I say just thinking of another angle really not suggesting it's right or wrong but the FIL does make things more complicated if he is that classic bullying older man type ridiculing the wet behind the ears pup type.

The groom told the room WITH HIS FUTURE FATHER IN LAW about the blow job?

Was going to post that it doesn't matter if its right/wrong to tell her - there are 29 poeple (and growing) who know. SOMEONE will eventually tell her - it shouldbe someone who loves her.

Glad it was taken out of your hands.

I called off my wedding to my ex partner of 10 years; five days before.

It wasn't great; it wasn't pleasant;it takes a lot of courage.

But I felt it would take more courage to walk up the aisle with doubts.

It's not an easy decision.