to not tell my friend what her fiance got up to on his stag weekend?

[BottleOfRum]

Best friend is getting married to her partner of 5years. Have always thought they made a lovely couple.

DH, and a number of other mutual male friends went on the stag weekend. DH came home and said that the best man had organised strippers to turn up to the hotel room, and they hancuffed the groom-to-be to the bed, and one of the strippers gave groom-to-be a blow job.

I am absolutely disgusted by this. Mostly disgusted by the behaviour of the best man, who organised it, but also with all the men present, who must have been instrumental in handcuffing their friend to the bed. I can't believe how disrespectful it is to my friend who is getting married to him.

Now, since the groom-to-be was tied up, I don't blame him as much as the others - there is not much he could do apart from protest I would imagine.

If you knew this information, would you tell your best friend? My first thought was that its none of my business, and I wont mention it, but its been playing on my mind since, and I can imagine how hurt she would be with me if she knew I knew and didn't tell her.

Her father?

Fruitstick - you would seriously have considered telling her parents?

Now that would have pissed me off. If my bf told my parents and not me - we wouldn't be friends anymore.... it would have been for the BTB to deal with and very probably not ever tell her parents if they were to stay together....

I actually feel sorry for the Dad - as he said, he didn't know the extent of it until much later. He was there, the lads hired a stripper - having a bit of fun... thinking no harm done (if it's just a stripper) & not wanting to spoil the night, then hears on the bus that the GTB has supposedly had BJ.... imagine having to tell your wife & daughter :(

Penelope - did you find something out or was it just a niggle that developed that it wasnt' right for you?

LOL - wasn't - little fingers get all out of kilter sometimes!

Hang on - nobody's said the father knew anything about the blow job!

First the OP's DH gets a roasting and now the father of the bride.

Your poor, poor friend though BottleOfRum :(

Probably not tell her parents before her!

However, I'm tired and grumpy and probably just getting very grumpy about the whole incident.

I've had this conversation with DH before. That if lapdancing, strippers etc are harmless and fine and don't constitute immoral behaviour, then they can at least have the balls to own up to it in front of their parents.

It's this whole secrecy thing which makes modern, metropolitan men who are usually decent, caring partners, turn into absolute twats as soon as antlers are mentioned.

If I were the bride I'd make sure everyone knew what his so called friends had done.

Fruitstick - anal sex/S&M/shagging DH on the dining room table are also all legal - not sure I'd want to discuss any of them with anyone in RL - let alone my/his parents

Maybe you should have a nap :) (unless you are at work of course ).

If I were the BTB I would want everyone to know that I knew and that either I believed him when he says it didn't happend and he'd just said it because he felt he had to (would still feel like a prize twat though) or that 'Yes, he did get a BJ off of the girl, but we are dealing with it' - I would NOT want anyone to think that they knew something I didn't.

It's not great, no. But I can see how he (and the OP's dh) didn't want to rock the boat. I imagine they'd have been more inclined to had they realised the full extent of what was going on.

I agree with mj. I'd be horrified if my Dad had tied DH naked to a bed. I think DH would be horrified.

This is up there with the stag do of a friend's now DH. His father was dealing out ecstasy tabs to the stag party. The stag came home early out of despair and embarrassment, poor bloke.

Dear god! That's awful, really hope the BTB is ok! :(

Maybe I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Tying grooms (nudity optional) to lamp posts used to be the done thing.

I think it far more likely that the father of the bride WATCHED his future son in law being handcuffed to the bed and left with strippers and thought better of saying anything about it being sordid because he thought/hoped it was just a bit of harmless fun and "what these young lads do".

He was probably trying not to be judgemental and a party pooper.

I bet he feels like a right gobshite now that he realises the whole thing was about a public display of disrespect to his DD.

I'm sure he was rightly disgusted and horrified when he found out the man he was soon to call his son in law was boasting publicly about having sex with prostitutes behind his daughter's back.

I'd be very surprised if the couple can get past this. I would NEVER want to marry someone who would do something like this to me in front of my Dad.

Hopefully the friend will eventually be glad of a lucky escape from a life legally tied to a misogynist.

Chippingin

I had had concerns for a year or so prior; and had dismissed them in my own head. Not infidelity (but see later); but emotional distance.

I was rising in my career, working very long hours; we were struggling for money; and he was doing nothing career wise or domestically. All he was doing was spending money. I was get increasingly pissed off. I tried talking.; got nothing.

Blamed the wedding prep, my career(first Directorship) etc. etc. etc.

And then he squashed a kitten.

I had rescue cats; one was mis-sexed and had kittens on my bed. Five wonderful kittens.

Obviously we retained the Queen and the Kits; over and beyond our "normal" foster period.

He hated the kittens."They jump in cupboards every time I open one, they climb up my legs and claw my balls .........."

He was putting up new curtains in the sitting room. He used an armchair, up against the wall, and used his weight to "tip" it. I came in, saw what he was doing; asked him to stop and brought in the step ladder. I was actually only concerned about his safety at that time.

He didn't.

As he finished he leapt of the armchair and squashed one of the kittens underneath it.

It was A Sunday. The kitten was fitting and in extreme agony for 4 or 5 hours; as we were referred from one vet to another.
Our emergency vet was great; but we were passed on from one vet to another on the basis of better equipment. The kitten was eventually Put to Sleep.

I was obviously very distraught. Two days later he told me "Get a grip; it was just a bloody cat".

And that was when I knew I couldn't marry him.

The previous evening, I had been in a evening business meeting with my now (DH).
I couldn't stand him; positively disliked him (initially); but I had come to respect him (professionally); actually admire him). At the end of the meeting he also understood why I was so upset about the kitten.

He escorted me to my car, kissed me,(badly,) said "Please don't marry him; I love you".
We had only ever exchanged hand shakes and spreadsheets prior to that.

I called off the wedding on the basis of the kitten.

I couldn't marry a man that could (essentially) kill a kitten and feel neither remorse/guilt or grief.

5 weeks later he moved in with another woman.

least bt2 now knows feels for her

cant believe her own father was there and encouraging his sil2b to cheat

organize a stripper, fine no probs,but why handcuff him to the bed

what does your bf think?

does she believe h2b was lying?

so now he is either a cheat or a bragger who cant admit to friends that he turned down the stripper becuase he is meant to be in love with his bride and getting married

Her own fucking FATHER?

God, that's SICK

How can the poor bride to be ever look at him again, if it were me I'd now be in prison for stabbing him through the heart with the biggest knife I could find.
Utterly unforgivable.

What an absolute bastard.

"He escorted me to my car, kissed me,(badly,) said "Please don't marry him; I love you"."

This does not happen in real life! That's amazing.

Oh bloody hell; bet you're sorry for asking now. Obviously reliving an awful period in my life.

We all went shopping in Tescos on the "wedding day".. Me in the wedding dress, 7 bridesmaids in full apparrel. We even had the bouquets/hair etc. It was booked and paid for.

We bought gin,vodka and chocolate.

Then we had to go to the actual wedding, because Mother went ahead with the whole thing (apart from the actual marriage bit).

I was reminded that "people" (my relatives alledgedly) had come from Australia,Canada, Russia, New Zealand; every bloody country except for Outer Tibet; and I had to attend my own non wedding; and apologise......

So I did.

Penelope Wow!

There's a comedy programme in this, Penelope.

Penelope -

You are LIVING Pride and Prejudice!

ChippingIN, obviously you are right. But I wouldn't do any of those things in front of 29 other people either. Some things are private and should remain so.

However, if it is so OK that he can brag to a coachload of people (including his future FIL) then I reckon it's OK for his mother to know.

I am in complete agreement with you that the bride needs to take control of the situation and that will not happen if she feels embarrassed or ashamed about it. It does not want to become one of those incidents where they snigger and shush and talk about how upset she is. Everybody needs to be upset!

I am at work, so can't nap, shouldn't really be getting quite so involved in this either . I shall continue to harrumph.

Add message | Report | Message poster bupcakesandcunting Thu 02-Dec-10 12:50:22
"He escorted me to my car, kissed me,(badly,) said "Please don't marry him; I love you"."

This does not happen in real life! That's amazing.

It did.

It was only a "bad snog" because I went in for the cheek kissing' and he went for the lips.
Having made contact with my lips, I quite enjoyed it, realised what he/I were doing and I delivered an upper cut to his stomach; and kneed him in the balls.
So it wasn't as good as it should have been; as far as first kiss goes.
I left him on the floor of the carpark clutching his balls & his stomach.

Oooh, and Bravo Penelope

Respect.