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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not tell my friend what her fiance got up to on his stag weekend?

643 replies

BottleOfRum · 01/12/2010 11:38

Best friend is getting married to her partner of 5years. Have always thought they made a lovely couple.

DH, and a number of other mutual male friends went on the stag weekend. DH came home and said that the best man had organised strippers to turn up to the hotel room, and they hancuffed the groom-to-be to the bed, and one of the strippers gave groom-to-be a blow job.

I am absolutely disgusted by this. Mostly disgusted by the behaviour of the best man, who organised it, but also with all the men present, who must have been instrumental in handcuffing their friend to the bed. I can't believe how disrespectful it is to my friend who is getting married to him.

Now, since the groom-to-be was tied up, I don't blame him as much as the others - there is not much he could do apart from protest I would imagine.

If you knew this information, would you tell your best friend? My first thought was that its none of my business, and I wont mention it, but its been playing on my mind since, and I can imagine how hurt she would be with me if she knew I knew and didn't tell her.

OP posts:
anastaisia · 01/12/2010 21:32

mj

I'd say the same to your reversed lady. along the lines of:

God, what a horribly vunerable position for your friends to leave you in. I don't think I'd be feeling very friendly towards anyone who did that to me.

I'm sure that no matter what you decide to do it'll be hard; but I'd tell my partner now. You might want to talk about what happened in the future especially as you say you felt violated by it and as so many people know what happened, or part of it, that it's likely to come out at some point. Getting married is such a huge step for you both and if it was me I wouldn't want to start out with a no-so-secret issue like that.

Or something like that...

booyhohoho · 01/12/2010 21:33

if 29 of my friends had arranged a prostitute for me a week before my wedding, then yes, they would be excluded from my wedding. no brainer.

mjinsparklystockings · 01/12/2010 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mjinsparklystockings · 01/12/2010 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

spidookly · 01/12/2010 21:38

"Im not inventing reverse sexism, its alive and kicking"

PMSL :o

No, you didn't invent it as a concept. But is is a ridiculous, sexist invention.

Do you actually believe it it?

:o

"and there are more posters on this thread than you believe it or not."

It seemed that you were replying to me directly.

Kaloki · 01/12/2010 21:42

And do we know if the bride is ok with her husband being the kind of guy who performs or receives sexual acts due to peer pressure?

mjinsparklystockings · 01/12/2010 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/12/2010 21:53

Kaloki

the problem with 2 and 3 (I agree with 1)
is can you push/force someone to admit that that went on?

It takes some women years to come to terms with what has happened, some women never come to terms with what has happened to them, is it fair to force a man to come to terms with this?

It would benefit the BTB but would it benefit the GTB or make things mentally worse for him/them.

I do apologise as we are dealing in hypothosis due to lack of info.

spidookly · 01/12/2010 22:02

The OP's concern here is mostly for the BTB though, surely?

She's her friend.

If she thinks the BTB has been assaulted (which she doesn't) then the dilemma is a different one, I agree Boney.

Kaloki · 01/12/2010 22:03

I think it would benefit the GTB for 2 and 3 to have support. He'd need it.

Is difficult isn't it. Neither scenario is good. I mean the best scenario is that he lied to his "friends" and nothing actually happened, but in that case, if he doesn't tell his BTB then someone else will tell her and she'll never believe his version.

hairyfairylights · 01/12/2010 22:05

That isn't a stripper it's a hooker. And you should tell your friend!

peeringintothevoid · 01/12/2010 22:05

Maybe he's already told her?

Mumcentreplus · 01/12/2010 22:09

hmmm...you know its about expectations..social norms and personality..some men can and will be able to say 'lady get my penis out of your mouth!' and some will not..some men will be disgusted some will not...rarely will (I believe) between men this be seen as a sexual assault men ...are not given the option to believe they can be truly be taken advantage of or abused by a woman..and if they are they are told they should accept and enjoy it..

BoneyBackJefferson · 01/12/2010 22:26

Kaloki
"Is difficult isn't it. Neither scenario is good. I mean the best scenario is that he lied to his "friends" and nothing actually happened, but in that case, if he doesn't tell his BTB then someone else will tell her and she'll never believe his version"

I hope that he lied to his "friends" and came clean to his BTB. It would put a nice end to this thread.

Kaloki · 01/12/2010 22:32

It really would!

ledkr · 01/12/2010 22:44

I would hate to have been at my wedding,gazing into dh's eyes and shedding a tear at mine and his self written vows,feeling proud that we were making this massive commitment in front of our friends and family,wearing the dress id carefully picked out whilst a load of the guests knew he had cheated on me so seedily a few days earlier.It would have made the whole thing a total sham.For that reason alone i would want to know and as others have said he has ruined things not the op.

MsKalo · 01/12/2010 22:48

You owe it to your best friend to tell her the truth

QuickLookBusy · 01/12/2010 22:55

But ledkr you are assuming he actually did cheat. As I said earlier on, there is very little chance of ever finding out the truth.

I actually think the OP should speak to her DH and the GTB and get her facts straight.

Rushing off to tell her friend before knowing the facts is a really awful thing to do.

Mumcentreplus · 01/12/2010 22:56

Bluddy hell it's a hard one...so much devastation...or not..have you thought about talking to the groom?

Mumcentreplus · 01/12/2010 22:57

If you are all close friends you could have a talk with him first at least..

ledkr · 01/12/2010 23:02

quick yes i think i would do that too,and if it was just an aquaintence i wouldnt tell but a best friend?I do think these stag dos are abit vile tbh,dh declines them as not his cup of tea but i do hear from him and my male friends that this sort of thing is quite common place,what a pity to start married life in this way.

ledkr · 01/12/2010 23:03

sorry should say "some stag dos"

LeQueen · 01/12/2010 23:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peeringintothevoid · 01/12/2010 23:09

How perfectly and beautifully put, LeQueen.

bupcakesandcunting · 01/12/2010 23:10

OP just see if you can bleach your brain and forget the entire thing. There is no good answer for you by the looks of things, I'm afraid.

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