to not tell my friend what her fiance got up to on his stag weekend?

[BottleOfRum]

Best friend is getting married to her partner of 5years. Have always thought they made a lovely couple.

DH, and a number of other mutual male friends went on the stag weekend. DH came home and said that the best man had organised strippers to turn up to the hotel room, and they hancuffed the groom-to-be to the bed, and one of the strippers gave groom-to-be a blow job.

I am absolutely disgusted by this. Mostly disgusted by the behaviour of the best man, who organised it, but also with all the men present, who must have been instrumental in handcuffing their friend to the bed. I can't believe how disrespectful it is to my friend who is getting married to him.

Now, since the groom-to-be was tied up, I don't blame him as much as the others - there is not much he could do apart from protest I would imagine.

If you knew this information, would you tell your best friend? My first thought was that its none of my business, and I wont mention it, but its been playing on my mind since, and I can imagine how hurt she would be with me if she knew I knew and didn't tell her.

Oh no, I believe you. It's just so Mills and Boon it's brilliant! Lucky you!

BOR, thanks for letting us know, i was wondering how you were going to deal with this! Was your friend ok that you had not yet told her? Has she decided what to do about the wedding? I imagine due to the father and you being disgusted at the groom that she would be supported if she decided to put things on hold, personally I would not get married to him, I hope that the best man (who I see as part of the villanry of the piece) gets his just deserts!

I am pleased for you that your dh does not have anything to do with the inner circle of the grooms mates, and that he told you what had happened, I hope that dealing with this fall out will be easier for you now that you are not left in the dilema of having to break the news!

I hope the bride will cope well x

Looks like you got a lucky break OP! Decision taken from your hands :)

I think that it was probably one of the worst points in my life.

Having made my decision, I had to admit to both myself, and others (very publically); that I had made a tremendous mistake.
I had invested 10 years of my life with a man and I was wrong and had made a mistake.

My Mother "lost it" when I called off the wedding.

My Dad was brilliant. I told him about my concerns.
(Mum and every Aunt/Cousin had 'phoned me to try to talk me out of calling off the wedding; (48/306 respectively)

He just said "Penelope, can you walk up the aisle and make your promises before God and mean them ?"

I said "I can't Daddy".

He just said "Well that's the end of it. Leave it to me, I'll sort it out, and your Mother. I'm proud of you, only an idiot never makes a mistake. "

Bridal party in full regalia was just my way of making my (non) wedding day bearable. I sought solice in a bit of humour. And I did attend my "wedding" reception. Dreaded it.

As I came in (rat arsed and trying to sneak in); everybody clapped.

Every single person said that I'd done the right thing; and I know I did.

Mum2HarryandBen - Yes, my friend was fine I had not said anything, I explained that I had been in turmoil with it all for the best part of 24hours, and genuinely didn't know how/if to tell her. She doesn't know yet what to do, bless her. She really is a 'broken woman' so to speak, and its so upsetting just to watch her sadness, if you know what I mean. And I don't really know what to do/say because I don't want to wade in blaming her fiance, incase she ends up marrying him! Wedding was set for first week in Jan, so only about a month away. Groom to be is so so grovelling and apologetic - admits that a BJ took place, but blames it on getting 'carried away with the lads' etc, and said he would give up alcohol and his friends forever rather than lose her

Penelope I love your wedding tale! Think it would make perfect TV. Glad to hear it all had a happy ending for you!

Oh dear your poor friend. The only positive angle I can think of is that at least he's not denying it or saying he 'can't remember' etc. That's a start at least to be able to take responsibility. I think sounds a very good idea he reviews his "friends". Also the Dad may need to have a think about his part in encouraging the high jinks getting out of hand. Can't imagine anyone's father hanging around for that bit surely they'd have very mixed feelings and want to get away.

You sound a lovely friend and listening while she works through it all is the best thing to do.

Just to clarify I realise the father didn't expect him to get a BJ but the future FIL and strippers combo doesn't sit comfortably with me at all. Seems very disrespectful to his daughter.

That sounds promising re the groom recognises that it was booze and his mates that were not helping and that he will give them up, thing is will he resent her later in their marriage if he gives them up and will their marriage last if booze and old mates come back in the picture?

"Groom to be is so so grovelling and apologetic - admits that a BJ took place, but blames it on getting 'carried away with the lads' etc, and said he would give up alcohol and his friends forever rather than lose her".
Hmm , pity he didn't think of that before he let some scrubber put his cock in her mouth.

Being drunk is no excuse and only makes him even more pathetic.

I HATE all stag do's! They are all vile and disrespectful to women.

These days they choose to go abroad for a week - WHY? Isn't a night out in Blackpool enough? (Wait a minute - I can't decide which one is worse! )

My DH went on a weekend long stag do a few years back and when he came home he told me that 19 of 23 blokes had been unfaithful with a prostitute (including the B2B's father )

Of course my response was 'You'd better not have been one of the 19 or I'll chop it off! '
Luckily for me - I trust him

I couldn't forgive it.

I agree with Mal... oh and I'm betting he wasn't THAT drunk, or he'd have had erectile issues surely?

Utter bollocks I'd say and pathetic bollocks at that.

Bottle of Rum. It is not entirely a happy wedding tale; and for that reason it would not make "Good TV".

Since marrying my Dh we have torn ourselves apart re care of Elderly Parents/Deaths of Elderley Parents/Infertility etc.

Within 6 months of marrying, we had all four Parents on Life Support in different hospitals within 24 hours. And then the shit just continued.

We have had tremendous problems. My marriage is far from perfect.

But it's honest. Struggling but honest.

I don't have (much) positive to say about my DH at the moment.
He caused his own heart attack through sheer fucking stupidity, week last Monday and caused a whole world of stress.

But.

He would never "take" a blow job of a stripper/prostitute.
I asked him what he would do if he was tied up.
He said "I'd shout NO; and then if she didn't listen I would block my genitals with my knee/s. And if that didn't work; I'd use my legs to kick".

I interrogated asked him about this situation.

He said..

"It's a stereo-type that men carry; and women perpetuate.
Fucking whores is something that you get out of your system when your're 18 and spotty; and go with University. You go to Amsterdam, smoke, fuck a whore; and hopefully by the end of the course, you understand that you were the whore".

He's not a Saint. He is just a reasonable human being..

least he admitted it - tbh he really couldnt not have if already had bragged about it

it was a drunken mistake and HUGE judgement of error on his behalf as well as fil/friends in tying him up

but he could have said no - or after it happened,he felt guilt and should have said nothing happened

many people i know have done silly/stupid things or been unfaithful while drunk

doesnt make it right

but

everyone makes mistakes and as long as the groom has learnt his lesson and is NEVER unfaithful again,then maybe the relationship can continue

maybe if he got the whole group together and in front of them then apologized to bride for being a prat

surf and turf i aggree. i have a dh who unfortunately tells me everything.A week or two after we met he went on a rugby tour and said much the same that most of them cheated with horrible mingers and then got picked up by their more attractive wives when they returned home.He was recently invited on a 5 day stag do in portugal.Our new baby will onl be a few weeks old and we couildnt have afforded it anyway so he declined.The groom who hates me btw,was so desperate for dh to go that heactually offerred to pay for him.We later found out from the best man that he had been planning to set him up by paying for a lap dance for him and making sure i saw pics and also planing condoms in his case.What a lovely friend eh?Id have just given birth to our first and much tried for baby. Dh confronted him and told him to f off and we are obviously not attending the wedding.With that and all the things i read on here it seems to be getting harder and harder to trust the fuckers.

Can you IMAGINE how the groom would have been if the situation was reversed and the bride 2b had got up to such things on her hen do!?
I wish them all the best but it will be very hard to see a way forward when this sort of thing has gone on. What utter arsehole friends.

Ledkr, how long had your DH known this hideous friend ? What the fuck is wrong with the man to want to destroy your life?

There are some truly vile people on this planet - be thankful your husband respects you enough to always tell you the truth.

Only complete honesty is good enough - I don't understand people who don't value the truth.
The people saying "don't tell" should be truly ashamed.

Glad it's out in the open. I'd ditch the twat if it were me.

I'm so happy dp doesn't want a stag do as the blokes round here would get up to something and there's no way dp would like or want that.

Really feel for bride to be (?)

"Malificence* "Only complete honesty is good enough - I don't understand people who don't value the truth."

"if it were me I'd now be in prison for stabbing him through the heart with the biggest knife I could find."

Was that completely honest, then? Would you really really stab your partner through the heart with a knife for cheating on you?

I understand that sort of thing is frowned upon by the justice system.

He was at uni with him and despite having a gf the btb he has continued to act like a laddish knob and has thus far continued to try and include my dh.This included texts asking him to come out most Saturdays followed by sunday texts "should have come out loads of fit birds" a week after we got married asked if dh wanted to go on a 2 week lads holiday to florida. Has taken dh phone of him as a"forfiet" during a pre night out game(carefully engineered id say)mocked our quiet wedding.Tbh dh is glad of an excuse to end the friendship but it does show you what they are capable of.

Peering , yes, completely honest.

I actually said it about my father if you care to read my post correctly.

No-one would deliberately humiliate me or mine and get away with it.

Mal, you would stab your FATHER in these circs?

Malificence I did read your post, but it seemed to me to be rather ambiguous.

You would stab your father through the heart with a knife if he did not prevent your partner being tied to a bed and left with two strippers?