to not 'do' santa?

[jmt2211]

I don't believe in Santa and refuse to lie to my child about it. The first year he could ask about it was when he was 3 and I just said that lots of people liked to believe in Santa but really he was just pretend.
I have yet to find a single person who has done the same, even if I can get them to agree in principle, no one will agree in practice. I'd love to hear what others think (other than that I am a Scrooge) and see if anyone agrees with me....

if other people didn't lie to their children I wouldn't be in such an awkward position, you guys have created this problem with your own lies yet I am the bad one for telling my child the truth. Why should I have to cover for you?

Wow, what a bitchy thing to say.

So how would you feel if a teacher or another parent said your child's artwork or what have you was crap? I mean let's face it young kids can't draw for shit, but you don't go around telling them that, now do you? Well maybe YOU do since you claim that you don't lie to your kids.

Truths can be cruel, and no small child has to understand how life really works. Why would you tell a child that magic is a lie and the world is hard? Why would you take away the beauty of imagination and mystery and fun from your children?

Don't do santa, whatever. But don't pretend its about being truthful with children, because it isn't. You come across as a sanctimonious nasty wagon, tbh.

yabu its a magical idea for children and most of them find out he's not real in their own time and there is no long term mental health problems resulting of this.

Oh and a double well done on enabling your ds to tell all his little friends that father christmas isnt real as 3year olds can not keep secrets.

try and have a happy christmas!

I just don't get the idea of having to tell the literal truth to small children. Of course, they need to be gradually introduced to not very nice things and there is no point in pretending that everything is always perfect. But there is a time and a place..

JMT, when a pet or friend dies, do you tell your daughter that it/he/she is rotting and being eaten by worms, in the interest of being truthful?

Santa is a popular myth. You do not have to pretend Santa brings all the presents. We got stocking presents from Santa and big presents from parents. When I think back, a part of me always doubted how what he did could be possible but for a few years I CHOSE to believe. When I asked at about 5/6 and was told he was not real, I was not really surprised.

Last year, when my 9 year old worked it out that his presents were not from Santa/Father Christmas, he broke down and had such a miserable Christmas day and resented us so much for having 'lied' to him all those years, that I am definitely NOT prepared to put my second born through a repeat experience: I read the Christmas stories, I take him to see Santa when he pops up in public places, but I'm not giving the old man credit for presents under our tree at home for as long as I can help it!

I did love the 'magic' myself when I was small, though!

JMT, when a pet or friend dies, do you tell your daughter that it/he/she is rotting and being eaten by worms, in the interest of being truthful?
If he specifically asked what happened once the person or pet was in then ground then I would tell them about the rotting bit...it's kind of about the delivery of the answer. Why wouldn't you tell your kids about the processes of nature? It's pretty normal stuff and nature makes a lot more sense then any nonsense I could make up. If I didn't answer my child as best I could I would be being disrespectful to my child. He would have asked on the basis that he trusts me to tell him the truth. It is adults that are disturbed by these things not children.

BabiesinRome your poor DS. All children are different and of course many, or even most, may not feel betrayed when they find out that Santa's not real, but I just don't see the point in taking that risk.

and maryz I have no responsibility to other peoples children. As it goes my child is now nearly 5 (he was 3 when he asked about santa first), he has a cousin who is the same age. My SIL does Santa with her son and we don't. Honestly the boys have never discussed it! If my nephew asked me I would refer him to his own mother. This is only something I do with my own child not other peoples.

I can see that some people believe that the intention behind the lie is what is important but I guess what i am saying is that 'magic' is not enough of a good intention for me. Life is ok just the way it is and we have no call for magic in our lives, we don't need it to make us feel good-we make each other feel good.

I can clearly remember my Mum telling me that Santa didn't exist. I was certainly younger than 5 (we moved house just before my 5th birthday & it was in our old kitchen), but not sure how old. But it was too soon. I felt very sad, as though I had been given some sort of burden.

I agree with maryz:

" I have had numerous conversations over the years along the lines of "ooh, I wonder, that's interesting, what do you think happens, maybe it's magic, do you know how magic works etc".

I do agree with the OP, though, that telling the dch about SC feels like a lie, it's the first time we don't go out of our way to be scruplously honest & make them understand the truth. But it's better this way, IME. My dtws figured it out for themselves when thy were about 8. Which is fine.

I never realised until this year that Santa was such an emotive subject.

My folks "did" Father Christmas, but in quite a half arsed fashion, and I think it was a shame, considering I was a fairly switched on little girl (how things change!) and soon figured out that the gift tags in my mum's handwriting funnily enough exactly matched Father Christmas'.. and my mum who is a supremely tidy woman always had to be reminded to leave out mince pies and milk. It didn't add up as FC was obviously going to finish it all, right, so it didn't matter? Plus they never had a good answer for how on earth FC managed to get down all those chimneys in one night, even allowing for the time differences across the world. Was pretty blimmin' precocious for 6 years old apparently )

All this has taught me that I need to do a better job of it and have some smart answers ready for my own son. I would like to preserve the magic until he is at least 8. But without outright lying, I agree that that's wrong. So I shall compromise if he is still very young and be enigmatic....

Really hope we haven't got any kids reading this thread over posters' shoulders....

I think the OP is the Grinch. Bah humbug,

Maryz it wasn't me who reported it but I pressed my "back" button a few times earlier, when I saw it had been deleted, to see what it had said.

I think it was putting the words "pompous" and "ass" together that did it .

'if other people didn't lie to their children I wouldn't be in such an awkward position, you guys have created this problem with your own lies yet I am the bad one for telling my child the truth. Why should I have to cover for you?

I can go along with people not keeping the myth but I hate the above attitude where 'I am right and there is no need to consider the feelings of others because they are wrong'.
Whatever you teach your DCs-right at the heart of it should be respect for others feeling and kindness and not that you superior feeling of 'rightness' allows you to walk all over others.
I agree with Maryz-I have never had to say he exists, we had conversations along the lines that she experienced. I tell them that I believe in FC-and I do-even more so when I read these threads and read self righteous people who can't indulge in a bit of fantasy.

Oh thank heavens, OP, it's not just me.

I cannot be bothered. My mother was scarred by finding out her parents had lied to her so never told us about Father Christmas. My father is forrin and could not be bothered. Plus we grew up in the tropics so the whole concept was a bit daft anyway (when someone English tried to tell us about FC my sister asked how he got through the mosquito netting. That foxed her).

Now DH wants to start the whole rigmarole with DS. I really really do not want to lie to my child and cannot get up any enthusiasm for the pretence. I think I will let DH get on with it and refuse to join in. If DS asks me outright I'm telling him the truth, straight off.
YANBU.