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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not celebrate Christmas anymore

212 replies

MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 17:49

For many reasons, I have not wanted to celebrate Christmas, including not sending cards to others! I am happy to put up the old tree for them and the children can decorate etc, I will cook the normal meal with all the trimmings, I bought them winter gifts and let them know that there will be nothing on Christmas day anymore as they know my feelings and have had them in the lead up, like new pj's, hats/gloves/scarfs/nice perfume/cosmetic sets that are available this time of year, and new party outfit etc...

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 30/11/2010 20:24

I find this thread, and particularly the OP's "voice" very, very depressing.

It's hard to tell online whether it's depression or just negativity that's made the OP ask the question, but I think either way, it's pretty miserable to do this to your children.

wouldliketoknow · 30/11/2010 20:27

what i don't understand is if you are willing to do christmas, cos you are doing christmas, why did you tell the children you are reluctant? and that you don't want to do it really? don't you think that'll upset them, you could just as easily do christmas and say the changes with the presents without talking to them about issues. why?

taintedsnow · 30/11/2010 20:27

Mummie, are you actually okay in yourself? You are posting very bizarrely and I'm starting to wonder if something quite different is up with you? Ie not related to Christmas?

Kaloki · 30/11/2010 20:29

Yes Rockin, that's what I meant Hmm

atswim So cooking the children a nice meal, spending time with them and giving them presents prior to Christmas is miserable?

Original poster
MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 20:33

I am fine thanks taintedsnow x

I am getting some people's sad stories from their childhood, I am getting some people find it odd, I am getting some people find it selfish, I am getting some people are wanting to know more for various reasons, I am getting some people asking questions that are helpfull, I am getting some people feel the same or similar, I am getting that some people consider what is happening as a quiet christmas, I am getting a lot of people feel sorry for the children, I am getting some people like having a go regardless, I wanted to know what people thought about the whole thing! and they are sharing, and i appreciate, thanks x

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 30/11/2010 20:36

If you do it with a miserable attitude, Kaloki, then it is miserable, yes.

And why give the presents early? I can understand about the pyjamas and gloves, but why give other things early, when the children would love them on Christmas morning?

How awful to be a child on Christmas day when your mother's made a conscious decision not to buy you any presents.

christmasevebabe · 30/11/2010 20:39

Have been following this thread with interest and curiosity - as you've realised, mummie, it's hard to say whether you're being unreasonable without knowing your reasons.

I think if your reasons are just practical - that you can't be bothered with all the fuss and bother of Christmas - then I'd suggest just doing what everyone else does and just get on with it to make it a special time for your children. It's stressful for everyone! But it's worth it to create traditions and memories for your kids. Your approach definitely sounds a bit flat and depressing, tbh; your children may well accept it - especially if it means they're getting presents in November - but I think they're going to feel disappointed when Christmas is really here.

But if you have valid, painful reasons for wishing it would all just go away, then I think of course it's fine to cope with it however you can, and if that's by making it low key then fair enough.

RockinRobinBird · 30/11/2010 20:42

You typed it Kaloki Hmm

OP no one has a problem with a quiet Christmas but they way you are going about it is bizarre. You're asking so many strangers and seem to be more concerned about what they think than your children. If you've discussed it with the children and they are ok with it, then why are you asking us? And if the children aren't really ok with it then it's them you should be talking to.

wb · 30/11/2010 20:56

Your attitude sounds a lot like my dad's (though probably for different reasons). I hated the joyless going-through-the-motions Christmases he inflicted on us through my teens and I have never forgiven him for it.

Since leaving home I have had many different types of Christmas Day - from on the beach to what people think of as 'traditional'. The one constant is that I don't see my parents on Christmas Day, ever.

Original poster
MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 20:57

RockinRobinBird, I explained earlier.

OP posts:
Original poster
MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 21:02

I am sorry your father did what he did to your Christmas WB x

I have had a laugh with the children during this thread has been ongoing as dd2 was practicing her little dance for her school Christmas show, I am not about sucking the joy out of it, there are things I don't want to do! I think those that accuse me of sucking the joy, may have their own idea's on what joy is and may be pulling on their own experience which is fair enough.

OP posts:
Jumpty · 30/11/2010 21:05

They're 10 and 12 and you've dumped your ishoos on them to explain why you're screwing their Christmas. Assuming you live in the UK, Christmas is an important shared cultural event which involves giving kids gifts on 25 December. Since you're saying they understand your reasons, that's a double whammy - telling the kids they're getting fuck all and laying a guilt trip on them at the same time if they complain about it. Please get from this that I think you're cruel.

Original poster
MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 21:09

My children are not getting F* all, I am sorry that you view it that way Jumpty x

OP posts:
Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 21:13

HmmI'm sure OP said nothing about 'fuck all'...

Baileysismyfriend · 30/11/2010 21:15

TBH I think you should push aside your own feelings about Christmas and just do it for the DCs, if you dampen the day then I think you will really regret it in years to come.

My DD is 12 and I can't imagine saying to her that we were not properly having Christmas this year... Sad

Horton · 30/11/2010 21:16

I think you're being a bit mean, to be perfectly honest. I know at 10 and 12 they don't believe in Father Christmas any more and they don't have the magic fizzy feelings about it that littler kids have, but they are still very young and you are basically stopping them from having the Christmas that they will be all too aware that their friends are having. Part of being a parent is to put your own feelings aside at times and concentrate on doing the best for your children. I think maybe you could make a bit (actually, a lot) more of an effort, to be honest.

There is no need for anyone to have any huge expectations. Just make a nice meal that your kids will enjoy, give them some presents and try to enjoy the day as best you can. If you have some reason for particularly disliking Christmas, I am sure your children will understand that. And in that case they will particularly appreciate that you are making a bit of an effort for them because you love them. I feel a bit sad for your children, to be honest. I hope you reconsider and do your best to make the day at least a little special for them.

Limez · 30/11/2010 21:18

So you will be having:

a tree
xmas dinner
fun and games on the day
gifts for the kids in the run up (just not on the 25th)

The kids are perfectly happy with all this and in agreement with you.
You will not be miserable about it and there will stille be fun and joy
etc, etc.

So why start this thread the way you did? (or indeed at all)
You chose to make it sound rather stark, and left a lot to be assumed, presumably knowing the assumptions would nbe negative. Why? So you could have the pleasure of pointing out the assumptions are wrong?

I really dont understand your motivation for thisthread.

If your christmas is going to be as you say then there is no problem, is there?

I'd still like to know how your children would want to celebrate christmas. Adn what could be so compelling that your wants take precedence (assuming they would chose to anything different and tbh i cant imagine children of those ages opting not to have presents to open on the day).

I may be doing more assuming here but honestly I think that going only so far in celebrating christmas while making sure your kids know YOU dont want a big deal, big expectations, to give them presents on the day etc...just seems very me me me and a way of asserting that you are number one.

Original poster
MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 21:18

Horton, I am doing a lot of the things you suggest!

OP posts:
Jumpty · 30/11/2010 21:21

The OP says she "let them know that there will be nothing on Christmas day" ie fuck all. As of 25 December, Christmas Day the PJs, gloves etc they got in December as "winter gifts" (or, in my household, "necessities") don't count.

Original poster
MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 21:22

Limez, I have not pointed out assumptions that are wrong, a lot have actually!

I have answered some of your other questions earlier...

It is nice that you think that there is no problem with the different day I have planned x

I had not thought that it was a way of asserting that I am number one, that is food for thought!

OP posts:
Horton · 30/11/2010 21:22

Why not give them some presents on the day, then? I don't get it.

mumeeee · 30/11/2010 21:23

YABU. I don't like that Chistmas has got very commercial and hyped up, But it's one time of the year I have all my family with me( although D1 and her DH won't be this year)and we just enjoy a nice day. DD2 and 3 are 20 and 18 and they still love to do Christmasy stuf like decorating the Christmas tree and putting stockings out, Yes we allhave stockings in this house,

mamatomany · 30/11/2010 21:23

My twat of a father when I was 12 announced he wasn't doing Christmas on fcuking Christmas morning, there's nothing wrong with turning your back on the commercialism my 10 year old has done that of her own accord.
But put a smile on your face and spend the time as a family at the very least.
It's the only day I don't MN lol

Original poster
MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie · 30/11/2010 21:25

Jumpty, they said they don't want actual toys anymore, they were not impressed with toys last year, and said they did not want any. I got a mobile for dd1 last Christmas so that does not need updating, and dd2 will get an updated mobile after her sats! They have the normal gadgets already. The gifts I have got include new games/cds and we have Sky+HD with the movie channels, so we normally watch films on there or at the cinema!

OP posts:
ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 30/11/2010 21:26

Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh, ere we bloody go, yet another one. Look, I don't particularly like Christmas either, but it can't be avoided. Now stop soddin attention seeking,stick some pressies under a tree and send a e card, job done.

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