to not celebrate Christmas anymore

[MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie]

For many reasons, I have not wanted to celebrate Christmas, including not sending cards to others! I am happy to put up the old tree for them and the children can decorate etc, I will cook the normal meal with all the trimmings, I bought them winter gifts and let them know that there will be nothing on Christmas day anymore as they know my feelings and have had them in the lead up, like new pj's, hats/gloves/scarfs/nice perfume/cosmetic sets that are available this time of year, and new party outfit etc...

[Mumcentreplus]

I don't think you are being unreasonable...

[MardyQuickFollowThatStar]

Ok apart from mumcentreplus

[MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie]

I did not decide this overnight, lots of things contributed to this, the accumulations of which they understand this now happening.

As someone else said, maybe posting this here, was not appropriate, I was interested in hearing views on it and it is that I am selfish and it is not the done thing, now I know what other people in rl will think!

thanks for your input!

[RockinRobinBird]

So it really is all about you isn't it? You being determined to do what you want and you don't really care if YABU or if your children are upset, as long as you get what you want. Nice.

[ShanahansRevenge]

yes...why is it all about what you want? They are 11 and 12 fgs! Not 20 and 21!

FAR too small to do this to. Its WRONG.

[Litchick]

I think going through the motions - tree, dinner etc, whilst delberately taking away the magic is very odd.

Why not just cancel xmas altogether?

Or do something entirely different to celebrate as a family.

[piscesmoon]

You can of course do what you like, but your DCs will judge and they probably won't agree when they are adults. You don't have to spend money to make it magic-it is attitude not material goods that counts.

[maktaitai]

I dunno. Christmas got less and less fun in our house (as it tends to when you get older). One Christmas when I was about 15 Mum said she didn't really want to do a big Christmas any more, and which bits were essential to me? So I said the tree, and midnight mass, and some sort of meal together but it didn't have to be huge and I would help cook etc. All very well but I spent the day looking at her face to check if I was being too festive, and nervous to ask for anything too Christmassy, and not wanting to be loud... Twas ok-ish but a bit crap if I am perfectly honest.

Could you consider doing something fun but non-traditional on Christmas Day so that your kids have something enjoyable to remember?

The good part of what you are doing is presumably when your kids are 19 and refusing to come home for Christmas at all, you will not put a big guilt-trip on them insisting that you MUST be at home for Christmas, you will be mellow about them exercising their choices. That will be good.

[taintedsnow]

Mummie, I feel very bad for your children and very bad for you right now. What has made you so insistent that you will do this to your children? I just do not understand you.

[MardyQuickFollowThatStar]

Do you have a DH/DP? if so, what is his (her) take on this?

If not, is there another friend/member of your family who can help support you through the day and put on a bit of a show for your DDs. It sounds like things are tough, but your kids are still kids. Believe me, I have DC around the same age and although they try to act cool, they secretly love Christmas and all the associated traditions and would be gutted if it were cancelled.

[WillieWaggledagger]

but from what I can tell you are having a christmas day, even though not 'celebrating' christmas in a big way.

It seems a bit ott to say you are not having Christmas - it's just a quiet Christmas with presents earlier in the month (as they do in many places throughout the world). you are having a family day with a nice meal and a tree at the dc's request - sounds very nice. Many people don't do much more.

[going]

It sounds like you are doind everything you normally do on christmas day except opening the presents. Even if your children have been warned they are not getting any presents they will still be disapointed if they don't get any (if they usually get presents on christmas day).

WHy the christmas namechange???

[Hulababy]

I think yabu. I think your children will probably resent it especially on the day.

You are doing everything bar the presents then really? Would it harm to wrap up 2 or 3 small items?

However, I dont think you really want opinions.

[Alouiseg]

"Ishoos". Can't you keep them from your children. They didn't cause them!!

[BlackBag]

Hello again,

I'm glad that you found it useful, My big suggestion regarding Christmas for everyone this month is to

• avoid commercial television, magazine stocking filler articles and other marketing crap
  
• avoid too much shopping
  
• identify what has been or what should be important to celebrate in the depths of winter & do it.
  

I gave my kids this morning gloves that were saved for xmas - seemed silly not to.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

My mum did this to me from my early teens she put less and less effort into Christmas. Her half reasons and attitude sound much like the OP. When I was 14 she bought me a bike in November and then I got NOTHING on Xmas day. She thought it was a waste to wrap lots of seperate presents so would shove everything together in a box and wrap that. All I wanted was to unwrap a few presents. There was allways a negative atmosphere. I think she put a lot of effort into Xmas when my older brothers were small and sort of gave up when I came along. Do you know what? It still hurts immensly . I can still remeber waking up on Xmas day and wishing it could be different. I find this time of year immensly difficult and am determined that without putting too much pressure on myself I will make Xmas a good time for my DC's. (Not perfect or amazing just good). I find my mother's negativity regarding Christmas still terribly hurtful and I will never forgive her for not wanting to make me happy enough to try just a little bit. I will always try and set aside my feelings to make Christmas special. Memories last a lifetime and I wish I could turn back the clock and have good Xmas memories. OP you may think this won't ruin their childhood but it certainly tainted mine and has damaged my relationship with my mother. (Not the only thing that damaged our relationship) Just typing this has made me fill up I hope my kids never feel like this about me.

[BlueFergie]

This has been a very frustrating thread to read as you are being so vague. How can anyone judge if you are being unreasonable or not if you don't geive your reasons. Obviously you don't have a big issue with Christmas at all. You have no problem with the tree, the dinner or the traditions/ parlour games. Equally it can't be the materialism/ commercialisation you have issues with as you are still going to buy all the same presents etc. So it just the giving or receiving of presents on the 25th that you are taking a big principaled stand against? And the sending of cards obviously which is not really an issue because loads of people don't do that anyway.
Very odd in MHO. Makes very little sense

[MardyQuickFollowThatStar]

Ok, can we try a little pleading....

[MardyQuickFollowThatStar]

[sob] I actually thought I was being uncharacteristically nice on this thread

[MardyQuickFollowThatStar]

Actually I'm giving up - plain talking, cajoling, begging haven't worked and I think the OP just doesn't want to hear...

[Mumcentreplus]

...



DISCLAIMER I am joking and not trying to belittle the distress mental illness of any kind can cause