to not celebrate Christmas anymore

[MummieDeckTheHallsOutHunnie]

For many reasons, I have not wanted to celebrate Christmas, including not sending cards to others! I am happy to put up the old tree for them and the children can decorate etc, I will cook the normal meal with all the trimmings, I bought them winter gifts and let them know that there will be nothing on Christmas day anymore as they know my feelings and have had them in the lead up, like new pj's, hats/gloves/scarfs/nice perfume/cosmetic sets that are available this time of year, and new party outfit etc...

There are many reasons, it has been an accumilation of things, over the years, I find that days that have some sort of expectation on them bring unhappiness, so I want to take the pressure off and have a nice day... other reasons also...

Am fully expecting op to amass a load of yabus and then tell us she has a terrible christmas-related memory.

I would still wonder why it's all about you though.

It's not important what your reasons are. Even if something really bad happened to you, make a fucking effort.

What do your children have to say about it?

You can still have a lovely Christmas without it being completely hyped up and over the top though.

Yet you've still done a Christmas name change

Yabu

but you are having a tree and meal so just no present part of Xmas

doubt your dc will be happy but hey ho as long as you are ok.

They're only kids once. If you're doing a tree and a meal, why not wrap up the promised pressies and it's done really. (And sod the cards)

You're going to have to spill the reasons because without them you sound like a killjoy and a misog.

But it's ok for you to have a Christmas name? Seems to me the only ones missing out here are your children.

My mum used to say that self-same thing: Days expected to be happy were just added pressure and turned out crap...she always failed to mention though that they turned out crap because of her control-freakery, narcissism and mood swings.

Funny that.

It has been interesting hearing your opinions, I have to go for a bit. Why would the children not be happy? just because they didn't get the gifts on a particular day?

Strange that you will do christmas but only the bits you want to do.

Very, very hard to respect that kind of decision.

I'll ask again, what do your children think about this? (have you asked for their opinion?)

So basically you'll do the meal cos you can see the point in that but you expect an eleven and a twelve year old to be happy about getting no presents or fuss on the day?

You'd want to have some stonking reasons to make me understand this one.

If you can't see why your children wouldn't be happy then there's not much else we can say

Well, what DO they think fgs??

You're the only one on this thread who'd know... the rest of us are just guessing.

Such an irritating way to post.

My nearly 12yo would be gutted if we didn't do the Christmas traditions. they might nearly be teenagers but sometimes they want the comfort of doing kids' things.

You are just coming across as self centred IMO

Presents are a big deal in childrens eyes.

Your name change is also making you seem hypocritical.

OP, do you have bad memories of a Christmas present exploding under the tree or something?

I have a friend who had something REALLY traumatic happen on Christmas day when she was 8. I only learned about it recently and can't comprehend how she's managed to enjoy Christmas since. She has, however, got two twenty-odd year old kids and has always made an effort for their sake. She's also been a stalwart at school helping with Santa's Grotto and decking the proverbial halls...

That kind of sacrifice, and putting others before yourself is exactly what Christmas is about. Not the toys or the tree or the Christmas dinner.

I think YABVU.

Well it seems that you are celebrating Christmas, just not wanting to label it as such. You are having a traditional Christmas meal and have given 'Winter gifts'.

You can't back out of things just because the expectation might lead to unhappiness, what sort of message is that to send to your children. Best not do exams, have a relationship, go on holiday because they might not live up to expectations?
Life is about the ups and the downs, be very boring overwise!

AYBU? I don't know The thing is, you haven't explained why you feel this way (and although you and your kids may know those reasons, kinda difficult for us to decide if YABU without them)

Personally, I think YABU, based on the fact that I have seen my friend make the effort for her young son 2 days after burying her last living relative (her dad)

Fact is, it doesn't really matter whether I think YABU or not- you have made up your mind you are not. More important is whether your children agree, or whether they are saddened by your (seemingly bizarre) decision. Do you do the same with people's birthdays? Worry that the day will be a let-down so celebrate on a different day? I really don't get this (although I'm sure there is something you are not telling us, and no doubt you will have posted it by the time I type out this post (just to make me look like a donkey!)

My nan lost her husband at Christmas and consequently had a very similar attitude - token decs as my mum wanted them and certain things she would do but not others - my mum was 14 at the time and it still upsets her now. As a result mum goes completely OTT the other way for us even though we are now grown up and she is 70. No matter how sad the time was for her thinking about her dad her priority was always to put that aside and make sure it was magical for us. I have so much gratitude and admiration for her.

It's hard for real reaction without you explaining you reasons, but on the surface it does seem that YABU.

After my parents split up my dad used to tell us what our presents were as we were opening them. It used to drive me nuts but he said he didn't want us to be disappointed when we saw them Still don't get that. They were decent presents.