...to leave 17mo DD alone in the house... (its not as bad as it sounds!)

[deepheat]

OK. I'm babysitting tonight while DW is having a well deserved night out. We have friends who live directly opposite us across the road and its a small road. Our baby monitor works perfectly in their house. They suggested I pop over for a drink. Mentioned this to DW and it was an absolute no-no.

Thing is, I would be about the same distance from DD as if I were at the bottom of our garden. If she woke, I could be back within 30 seconds. Is it so bad? There's no risk of a fire or anything like that so I don't really see what the issue is beyond the psychological difference of being out of the property.

I should add that I agreed with DW that I would stay in tonight and so will not go out but I'm curious as to what people think as a matter of principle (possibly for future reference).

By the way, they have a DS and no baby monitor so couldn't come over here.

I went on a speed awareness course. We wrote down our reason for speeding (me "didn't think 34 mph was too bad n a 30 zone"). Then we saw a video clip and asked how fast do you think the speed limit is here? ...we all guessed. Turns out our average of 40 was actually wrong and the speed limit was 30. A child was killed there by a car going through at 38. Person in charge asked us to look down at our reasons and imagine the child's parent asking "what was the reason my child died?" then we all re-read out our reasons "I had to get my daughter to school", "I was keeping up with the traffic" and of course "I didn't think my speed was so high". I am not sure why your post reminded me of that.

Booyhoo - but no matter who says it MN goes into biscuit drive over it, it's shorthand and people need to get over it!! Lazy feckless gits will be lazy feckless gits irrespective of what we call a parent staying in with the kids while the other goes out socialising!! :)

Peering - wrong night for that tonight Like you I was hoping for a bit of light chat while CIN was on - no such luck!

The thing that makes me a bit sceptical that the OP is backtracking is that he describes his wife in his OP as having a "well-deserved" night out, yet subsequently claims it's the third this week.

OK, technically one might say that any night out is "well-deserved", but the usual usage implies rarity. So which is it?

Maybe she was working the other two nights she was out?

Maybe he feels any night out is 'well-deserved'?

Fair enough, missed that part..

But actually, his wife said she doesn't want him to do it, so why does he need 'future reference'?

Sounds to me like he will do if he thinks he can get away with it!

Star OMG, lets get the kids off the street and into bubbles! One drink will not make OP incapable of handling an emergency situation. DH and I often have a 2 glasses of wine each with dinner. Call SS!!! Parents having too much fun!!!

Glob Unless you are saying parents shouldn't even let their DC's go out alone in case they are hit by a speeding driver, the comment is irrelevant to the discussion.

Here's another possible situation. So this dad is asleep on the couch while the mom is having a well deserved night out. A man quietly breaks in, slices the sleeping man's throat and steals the kid. Could happen, and the parent was right there. My point being, you simply cannot be prepared for everything, no matter how prepared you are. OP just wanted to pop over to have a drink. Not booze it up.

And he completely respected his wife in that he asked first and didn't do it cause she was uncomfortable. Too me, it sounds more like mom feels no control over the situation, (if my DH said it too me on my out, I wouldn't be comfortable either, however, if I was there too, next door having a drink, I would be fine with it) and said no. Maybe OP is just curious what the general opinion was on the subject. The neighbours he was going to see didn't have a problem with it apparently so I think he was just genuinely looking for the popular opinion, which from this thread, sounds like there is one hell of a lot of helicopter parents out there.

The last thing anyone would call me is a 'helicopter parent'. My 17 month old already has plenty of freedom within his abilities.

However, those abilities do not include taking care of himself if I am far away and he wakes up scared/ill/what have you.

Forget the chance of fire. Or being hit by a car crossing the road.

How about the fact that there would be at least one locked door (assuming OP locks his door and neighbours don't because they are in and awake) between him and his child. You are across the road. Baby cries. In your hurry to get to said child, your key flies out of your hand and into the bushes. In the dark. You can't find it. Child is getting more and more distressed so you are getting more and more panicky etc.

If you are in your own lounge, or even down the bottom of the garden, I would assume there are no locked doors between you and your child.

And yes, a man could come in, slit the OPs throat while he's asleep blah blah blah.

But my concern is never kidnapping. It's so unlikely as to be a non-issue for me. Madelaine McCann was a fluke. Most stranger abductions, if that's what she was, are flukes.

But my scenario is much more likely, just due to human nature when their child is distressed.

OK I have not read all of this thread as I do not have the time, (I got to the begining of page 3).
But why is this guy getting such a hard time? He sounds quite reasonable to me.
In the late 70s I did much the same (in the flat upstairs).

FGS this scaremongering and general paranoia makes me want to leave this country sometimes. We will fuck up our kids when this contineous feeling of anxiety about just about everything but at least we can take the moral high ground that we are such RESPONSIBLE parents compared to those other reckless parents.

when = with

GotArt I think I was trying to say very late at night (and probably not making sense) is "is it worth the risk?". Sorry if it was too convoluted.

FGS this scaremongering and general paranoia makes me want to leave this country sometimes. We will fuck up our kids when this contineous feeling of anxiety about just about everything but at least we can take the moral high ground that we are such RESPONSIBLE parents compared to those other reckless parents.

Oddly my friend went next door with baby monitor when her DC were babies and young children. One of us stopped in or if and when they were welcome, most of time, we took them with us in pushchairs. Our DC have greater freedom, always considered, in childhood than hers who she keeps in most of the time. We know our DC need a certain level of freedom to develop as DC as babies they needed us and security we provided.

I think this is less about DC being messed up more about the differing attitudes to risk.

arf at wanting to leave the country because some parents don't leave their dcs alone. such a crime. it will be the ruination of us all!!

Statistically you have a far bigger chance hurting yourself or your children by stepping in the car and drive. So, do you think everytime: 'Is it worth the risk? Can I walk, take the bus, whatever?.' Maybe you should homeschool instead of sending them to school because there is a risk that something might happen on the way to school.

What I am saying is that it is a really small risk something happening when you are over the road with a baby monitor, that couldn't happen if you were physically IN the house. We all do lots of things that are far more risky, but for some reason some are accepted and others are not. It is (IMO of course) irrational.

i often use the terms 'babysitting' and 'on duty' when i am 'assigned' to DC lolol.

does that make me a crap mum lolol

i wouldn't do it personally though. not in a house over the road. in a small block of flats with the babymonitor maybe but even then... smacks of abduction/fire/general massive nightmare if something goes wrong/one fatal mistake and all that...

I would not be happy with the extra time - including fumbling with front door and keys, if an unlikely emergency occurred. That is me - especially as baby can be put in pushchair and taken with fairly easily IME so why take any additional risk when it is so easily avoided.

Yes everything is a risk and you do have to accept a certain level in everyday living but what level of acceptance is very individualistic. Because we chose not to leave them like this as babies does not mean the DC are not allowed to take risks in later childhood when we can see a good reason for it.

Deepheat
Disregard all the "babysitting/disregarding your wife" stuff

ITS A PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION PEOPLE!!!!!
:)

My kids dad and I have done this. Once when my ds was a small baby, and then when my dd was small - ds was 2.5 and once asleep was generally asleep.
Both times it was next door, small houses, so really no greater distance away then if we lived in a bigger house in terms of how long it would take to get there etc.

Both times we logically felt it was ok, but we weren't comfy with it.

I don't think its worse than the baby listening services in hotels - its much much better.

I don't know if I would do it again if I were ever in that situation, but I do know at the time it was a head over heard decision.

Did that help???

I think it would probably be an acceptable level of risk.

I love it when men say they're 'babysitting' their own children.

I'd fall over with shock if my dh ever asked me to babysit dd. While I, on the other hand, have to ask him to look after her if I even want so much as to wash my hair....

Meanwhile, back to the point in hand - no, somehow the idea of being in another house across the road while your child is sleeping in your house makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Therefore, on instinct, I say no, don't do it.

when I was two my mum did exactly this.

When she came home there was smoke pouring from upstairs and I was rescued by a very hunky fireman.

Now... her version is that if she hadn't gone out she wouldn't have come in and seen the smoke.

Everyone else's version is if she hadn't gone out in the first place then perhaps the house wouldn't have caught fire in the first place.

Obviously in my case everything turned out fine, and I note what the OP has said about the fireproof-ness of his home, but even so...

I suspect this was in the days before baby monitors though? And perhaps pre smoke detectors?

I'm not sure I'd do it, but I certainly wouldn't castigate someone who chose to nip next door. I also can't get het up about the term "babysitting" - use it myself, and in fact shall probably make a point of using it even more in future in honour of this thread.

I would. Actually I have. Shoot me.

There are some seriously sanctimonious paranoid posters on here. How do you people ever leave your house without a panic attack?

my bf dh calls looking after his kids babysitting

love the :)

fwiw i wouldnt do this,(and know you didnt as wouldnt upset/disrespect your dw) but i do see your point

it seems no different to be in your garden or at neighbors but it is as you are off the property

best advice i can give you is to get your baby used to sleeping anywhere, whether cot/buggy/friends house etc