...to leave 17mo DD alone in the house... (its not as bad as it sounds!)

[deepheat]

OK. I'm babysitting tonight while DW is having a well deserved night out. We have friends who live directly opposite us across the road and its a small road. Our baby monitor works perfectly in their house. They suggested I pop over for a drink. Mentioned this to DW and it was an absolute no-no.

Thing is, I would be about the same distance from DD as if I were at the bottom of our garden. If she woke, I could be back within 30 seconds. Is it so bad? There's no risk of a fire or anything like that so I don't really see what the issue is beyond the psychological difference of being out of the property.

I should add that I agreed with DW that I would stay in tonight and so will not go out but I'm curious as to what people think as a matter of principle (possibly for future reference).

By the way, they have a DS and no baby monitor so couldn't come over here.

Out not our can't type

Leaving their child(ren) alone while they left to socialise does make them relevant. Yes, they were horrifically unlucky as you say, but that doesn't make it any less a point of comparison.

And I don't mention that to be harsh or judgemental to your situation (as I said, I understand you would not actually go against your DWs wishes), just because, well, it is comparable.

Not to mention that it should show people that a risk being perceived as small doesn't make it non-existant, or so unlikely that it just won't happen.

Are you really going to do it, and are you likely to have a good time now you've read all these posts...

You are being completely and utterly unreasonable!

First, your DW is going out, now she won't relax and enjoy as she will be wondering if you are going to bugger off to get pissed at the neighbours house!
Secondly, Is it really so much for you to sit in with your own child? come on!

nonanny, he said he wasn't going in the OP

People should read the thread

Hmmm... if I weren't so bored and watching crap telly I would be surfing elsewhere right now.

You may be 20m away from your DD, but you have to factor in drilling through the asbestos walls which remove the fire risk.

scara? what's stopping you?

Redflag If I had written that me and DW had had a major barny over this and I was going to do it anyway.... then I would be being unreasonable. As it is, I was curious what others thought so decided I'd chuck it on MN and follow the response while I happily watched Wales be absolutely shite at rugby.

As long as DW doesn't agree with the idea then I won't do it, just to clarify again.

sarcy = sarcastic (sorry, family abbreviation)

....and interestingly, I think we have the most fire-proof house in the world. Thanks to a recent loft conversion we now have 8 (EIGHT!!!) smoke alarms (that I would hear from bloody Australia, let alone over the road), a domestic sprinkler system and fire doors to the kitchen and all bedrooms. Bloody building regs.

I can see your point - you are as close as you would be in your own garden. However, if I was home in the garden I would be aware if anyone else entered the house, over at the neighbours I wouldn't be. I agree that there isn't any real logic as to why it's A.Bad.Idea. but there's no way I could relax so it would be pointless.

I'd get DD used to sleeping other places and sharpish!

(Ignore all the BS about babysitting - plenty of parents call it that when one is home and one is out - it's just a mumsnet bugbear!)

deepheat, i wrote that assuming you had not yet decided!
And if i were your wife i would still wonder if you, after it had been agreed not to, would still be tempted to nip over for a tipple!

I don't think YABU since the risk of something happening and you not realising such as a fire is vanishingly small. And if DD did wake up and cried or shouted out you could be there very quickly. However, there is a simple way around this which avoids even these small risks which which is to take her over there and pop her in her travel cot / pram. Under these circumstances I personally would take her with me. But I can see why you would consider it.

The whole if your the parent, you aren't babysitting discussion is boring the fuck out me. Honestly. Do we still need to say this. I think that people know this even though they may use it to refer to a particular situation, like one parent is out, and the other is at home by themselves with the DC's.

The 'what if there was a fire' is such a crock. You can't be absolutely sure that something terrible could happen if the parent was in the immediate environment. I have friends whose houses are very large with the tv room in the basement and the bedrooms 2 story's above them. Smoke could suffocate and kill the children before a sleeping parent on the couch from being utterly knackered would hear the smoke alarm. That is as much of a possibility as any of the other 'fire' scenarios cited here. Monitor or not. There's been plenty of times I've been completely passed out from sleep deprivation that I've not heard DD on the monitor that is right by my head.

Having a drink when you are in direct charge of a child is not constituted as being drunk. I have a glass of wine with dinner with my DD a few times a week.

I have a few friends that put the little ones to bed and once asleep, pop next door, with monitor in hand and have a cup of tea with other parents. They aren't gone for very long and everything is locked up. If I had a neighbour that I felt to have a cup of tea with, I would do it too. The neighbour isn't that far away.

redflag Cheers for re-reading. And I can assure you that wifey knows that if I say I won't do it, then I won't. So she'll be enjoying her evening!

oooh, what you learn on fri nights on mumsnet, 'sarky' spelled with a 'k' not a 'c'!!! Was just letting LittleNicci know...

Sarky... yes. But 'wifey'? No.

to be honest gotart. i don't usually post on MN for your entertainment so I don't care if what i post bores the fuck out of you. it's an open forum. skim over the bits that don't interest you. I'll continue posting what i like.

Isn't child abandonment illegal? I'm sure getting 'boozed up' in a different house to your baby would be condsidered abandonment and taken seriously.

Secondly - your wife is trusting you to care properly for your baby. If you go against her wishes - how will she feel? I don't think I would ever trust my hubby to look after the kids ever again.

I wasn't directing the comment directly at you, but come on, lets not beat that horse any deader than it is. Trust me, I'm not reading you to get entertainment. I have a plethora of asinine television to get shit entertainment from.

I am often more protective than my DH. I don't think either of us are BU, just balancing each other out. OP I think you are being reasonable as long as your DW agrees. You both need to feel comfortable with the situation.

SkyBluePearl - read the bloody thread. He's already said, about 10 times, that he's not going!!!!

It is not child abandonment & he wanted to go over for a drink - you know how grown ups do - he wasn't getting boozed-up FFS