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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to leave 17mo DD alone in the house... (its not as bad as it sounds!)

191 replies

deepheat · 19/11/2010 20:39

OK. I'm babysitting tonight while DW is having a well deserved night out. We have friends who live directly opposite us across the road and its a small road. Our baby monitor works perfectly in their house. They suggested I pop over for a drink. Mentioned this to DW and it was an absolute no-no.

Thing is, I would be about the same distance from DD as if I were at the bottom of our garden. If she woke, I could be back within 30 seconds. Is it so bad? There's no risk of a fire or anything like that so I don't really see what the issue is beyond the psychological difference of being out of the property.

I should add that I agreed with DW that I would stay in tonight and so will not go out but I'm curious as to what people think as a matter of principle (possibly for future reference).

By the way, they have a DS and no baby monitor so couldn't come over here.

OP posts:
thecaptaincrocfamily · 19/11/2010 21:19

'No risk of a fire' Hmm Having had my house burnt to the ground by a faulty TV (tennants)in a house that had been certified safe......I think that is a truely stupid statement......oh and it started in the bedroom Sad. If children had been asleep in bed they would have died.
Sorry but you are an imbecile!
Oh and babysitting? Confused your own child!
If the house went up you would be too far away and it would be too late to go back into a burning house.
Oh and its illegal to be drunk in charge of a child, incase you weren't aware, so if anything did go wrong you could be charged with manslaughter.

AnyFuleKno · 19/11/2010 21:19

No matter what the arguments are I just couldn't psychologically deal with the idea of my DH sitting in another house over the road while DD was asleep in the house alone. I'd never agree to that in a million years. It's just not the same as sitting in the garden in view of the house.

So now you know the boundaries of what's acceptable to your DW I wouldn't push it to be honest.

Original poster
deepheat · 19/11/2010 21:20

In all seriousness, I have asked this question not because I'm desperate to get out but because I am pretty curious about what people's views are.

I'm actually pretty surprised that people are so vehemently against it (though obviously DW doesn't like it either). This was pretty normal behaviour for both my parents and DW's parents and they're much more relaxed about this kind of thing. The in-laws have a huge house and garden and even I wouldn't leave DD asleep in their house if I was at the other end of the garden - they tell us we're being silly and to relax.

Re the fire thing: can we live our lives worrying about stuff that is almost certainly not going to happen (no major appliances on, no open fires etc? Not saying others are wrong, but I don't think I could manage that.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 19/11/2010 21:20

I don't call it babysitting when we're both in (virtually every single night). but if we're doing the other a favour by being in when the pther wants to go out, then i do call it that for some silly reason...i look after them all day too on my own but don't call it babysitting.

Scarabeetle · 19/11/2010 21:20

deepheat - your wife told you that you were forbidden from leaving the house. I'm doing you a favour, if you disobey and she finds out, and she will, then all hell will rain down on you tomorrow. Rightly so. She's going to feel betrayed and angry that she can't even have a night off because she can't trust you to uphold your end of the parenting bargain.

A baby isn't a responsibility you can manage remotely.

I'm pretty sure you've heard of the MacCann family. I don't see why it's taboo to mention it here.

HumphreyCobbler · 19/11/2010 21:21

I wouldn't do it either but am a bit meh about all the sanctimonious comments.

Nancy66 · 19/11/2010 21:22

OP - I can see that, logically, it should be fine.

And i agree with you that (provided you're not smokers or using a chip pan every night) the chances of a fire are tiny.

...but I still wouldn't do it. I just wouldn't like the idea of my daughter sleeping all alone in a house.

lukewarmcupoftea · 19/11/2010 21:22

Yanbu at all.

Yes there are risks, but really, they are tiny and there are risks in practically anything - and anyway it is up to you to decide if those risks are worth taking, not anyone else. As it is, your dw doesn't want you to take the risk, so you won't, fair enough.

Some friends had a pub within their monitor's range and we regularly used to go there. I thought it was brilliant tbh, wish we had one!

HumphreyCobbler · 19/11/2010 21:22

Scarabeetle I suggest you read what has been written, at the moment you have the wrong end of the stick

LittleNicci · 19/11/2010 21:23

Hey, you're not Kate or Gerry are you, trying to get some material for the forthcoming book?

MerryMarigold · 19/11/2010 21:25

I think it's time to leave the thread...

Scarabeetle · 19/11/2010 21:25

Humphrey - yeah, I skimmed the last bit of the original post. Understand. But he clearly doesn't get why it's a 'no-no' to his wife.

booyhoo · 19/11/2010 21:25

but surely even if your partner is going out you still aren't doing anything you wouldn't normally be doing i.e; sitting in. and they are still your dcs so surely it's just being a parent only that you are doing it alone that night.

thisisyesterday · 19/11/2010 21:25

i wouldn't. but i'm not sure why

i am generally fairly lax about stuff like this. i leave the kids in the car while i pay for petrol, and i leave the baby in hte car while i go in to get ds2 from nursery

but this, i just wouldn't be comfortable with

i know the risks are tiny, but somehow it just doens't feel "right" to leave a baby or child in the house by themselves.

i want to say... but what about fire? what if someone got in the house? but i know that's irrational as neither scenario is likely.
hmmm

i guess the possibility of fire does scare me, because if one did start you could really be too late to do anything. but i am not sure that's my main objection to the situation!

lukewarmcupoftea · 19/11/2010 21:25

(but then, I think I'm quite a logical person who just weighs up the risks, I don't get emotional about babies being alone in the house etc - they're asleep, they don't care! But I can see that if you are, then it would be a problem, that's just how different people are.)

Original poster
deepheat · 19/11/2010 21:26

Please have a look at previous posts re the babysitting thing.

Re fire: thecaptaincrocfamily OK, there's no such thing as no risk - bad choice of words - and I genuinely am sorry about what happened to your house. But actually, having a house burn down doesn't mean you can suddenly call people imbeciles. (I'm not, by the way.) It is horribly bad luck for you, but sometimes people are horribly unlucky. But if we tried to eliminate every risk in life then it would really not be worth living.

OP posts:
taintedpaint · 19/11/2010 21:27

I would never do this. I realise you are not going to do it btw.

And the McCanns are a valid point of reference.

Original poster
deepheat · 19/11/2010 21:28

scarabeetle I think I do get why its a no-no to my DW - suggested it in the OP.

OP posts:
Original poster
deepheat · 19/11/2010 21:30

Sorry - I don't think the McCanns are a valid point of reference here - they were a huge amount further away from their daughter and didn't have a monitor or something similar. Even then, they were horrifically unlucky.

OP posts:
MerryMarigold · 19/11/2010 21:30

Possibly the McCanns are a valid point of reference, but not in LittleNicci's sarcy/ harsh tones.

booyhoo, it's just different if you are in, and they're out. It feels different somehow, it feels like babysitting. I wouldn't say babysitting if dh was working on a project late, but if he's going on a night out with the boys then I would. I guess it just denotes that someone is out having fun!

hogshead · 19/11/2010 21:31

We call it babysitting too if dh or I are our in an evening on our own - bit of an in-joke!

nonanny · 19/11/2010 21:31

I would never do this. Monitors can stop working; the child could wake quietly and go down to explore, as well as there could be a fire. how could you relax? Better, surely, to take the child over with you and bed it down? or get the neighbour over to your place. What would you do/how would you go on if something were to happen?

freefruit · 19/11/2010 21:32

Is n't that one of the things about parenting? I can't be the only one who worrie irrationally about extremely unlikely accidents.
Does no one else plan escape routes from lifts, buildings, work out what they would do if an armed robber came into the bank whilst they were there with the dcs?
Am I a loon?!!
(don't answer that Wink)

LittleNicci · 19/11/2010 21:33

It's just that the McCann's said that leaving the children all alone was like "being at the bottom of the garden", and look what happened there. Sorry for being "sarcy" (whatever that means).

freefruit · 19/11/2010 21:33

sorry about eht typos old sticky keyboard!

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