...to leave 17mo DD alone in the house... (its not as bad as it sounds!)

[deepheat]

OK. I'm babysitting tonight while DW is having a well deserved night out. We have friends who live directly opposite us across the road and its a small road. Our baby monitor works perfectly in their house. They suggested I pop over for a drink. Mentioned this to DW and it was an absolute no-no.

Thing is, I would be about the same distance from DD as if I were at the bottom of our garden. If she woke, I could be back within 30 seconds. Is it so bad? There's no risk of a fire or anything like that so I don't really see what the issue is beyond the psychological difference of being out of the property.

I should add that I agreed with DW that I would stay in tonight and so will not go out but I'm curious as to what people think as a matter of principle (possibly for future reference).

By the way, they have a DS and no baby monitor so couldn't come over here.

Dw is having a 'well deserved night out' and yet you can't even stay in the house on your own with dd for ONE NIGHT without hankering after a wee social for yourself too?

it is as bad as it sounds and you are a fool if you think it is ok to do this.

sparkler you can't smell smoke through a monitor. if it was a big house you are likely to smell smoke far quicker than if you are across thr road drinking with windows, curtains and doors closed.

An undeserving parent, a selfish husband, an irresponsible man. You're atrocious!

Blimey, you lot.

He already said HE IS NOT GOING OUT NOW. (That's for you booyhoo)

Dh and I frequently use the word 'babysitting' when one of us stays with the kids and the other goes out. I don't find it ridiculous. If he goes out, I am 'babysitting', and vice versa. It's just a turn of phrase.

Well, I doubt he'll be back to ever ask advice again anyway!

Brilliant! Never posted on MN on a Friday night - different tone completely. Slightly more fun tbh.

Just to clarify a few points:

• We both call it babysitting when one of us has to stay in with DD - just the term we use.

• We both go out on our own once a week while the other stays at home. This is actually the third night this week that DW has been out for various reasons and I'm absolutely fine with that.

• OK. I can't guarantee that there's absolutely no risk of fire, but I am fairly certain. And if I was sat at the end of our garden I would actually be less likely to have a clue about it but me and DW always sit at the end of the garden in summer and she doesn't mind that.

• We know it works because we tested it out of curiosity ages ago (when DW was in the house)

• I would be under 20 metres away from my DD and under 10m away from the front door.

Loving everybodies assumptions that I'm obviously a shit dad who never looks after his DD at all. Honestly, I'm really not that bad, was just wondering what people thought about it!

erm merry? where did he say that?

and why is that for me?

How old's dd?

If very small, can't she snooze at the neighbours in her pram or a travel cot?

If old enough to get out of her cot & go looking for you, then if she wakes she'll be terrified.

Chat on FB with neighbour whilst occasionally toasting each other at the window?

everybody's assumptions that you are a shit dad who never looks after his daughter.

Everybody's ? really?

Describe how I worded my assumption that you are a shit dad who never looks after his daughter then.

You aren't "babysitting" it's your own dc. And yabu.

Scarabeetle Can't resist replying to you, but just don't know what to say. Amazed that you managed to infer so much about me from my OP. Did you agree to get together with your DP just because he said "hello" in quite a nice way?

"everybodies assumptions "

everybody? everybody assumed you were a shit dad? where? show me where all teh posters have said this. because i know i haven't

This is why!
from OP:
I should add that I agreed with DW that I would stay in tonight and so will not go out but I'm curious as to what people think as a matter of principle (possibly for future reference).

from booyhoo:
also, teh fact that your wife has told you she isn't happy about that means you would be completely disrespecting her to do it anyway. if you must go out, at least give her the chance to come back and stay with DD (not that that would make you very popular either) because she clearly wouldn't be happy with what you are suggesting.

Just that you were going off one one without reading what he'd originally written...

ok fair enough. he said that but tbh, the tone of his post implied he was still considering it. I'm sure I'm not the only one that thought that.

Right, just to clarify: I'm not asking this question because I'm so gutted about being in on my own (I have a beer, some leftover roast chicken and rugby on TV). Its just a conversation (that's conversation, not argument) me and DW have had a couple of times and I was curious to get other people's perspective on it. I think its fair to say that I've been successful in that regard.

As I said in my OP, I won't be going over the road because I have told my DW that I wouldn't and I'm genuinely fine with that.

I didn't say you were a shit dad.

My DH is a firefighter and I know how quickly smoke can kill children. You'd be more likely to notice fire from your garden than from across the road in someone's house.

What's the prob with taking your DD along? Is she young enough to sleep in a pram over there? Or to stay up late on the odd night?

There are better solutions than leaving DD alone in the house.

booyhoo Apologies - I recognise that you didn't call me a shit dad. I was just getting the impression that unfounded assumption was the name of the game!

Sadly, DD does not sleep well anywhere other than her cot. Such is life.

I would just take the baby across the road, bung her into a buggy and let her sleep in the hall. Mine were used to that sort of thing.

I'm "babysitting" tonight, I'm the mother but dp is out at a school fundraising party, and I stayed in. I call that babysitting. Though 6yo dd3 told me I couldn't be babysitting if I'm a parent, that's what I call it.

i am with my dcs all day on my own and all night. i am a single parent. am i babysitting then?

hey - where did the bear come from?!

Deepheat - Friday nights usually scare me off MN!
I have to say I sort of think it should be alright, but I wouldn't do it...unlikely anything would happen, but I would never forgive myself if it did.
Enjoy your chicken!!

you all must admit that most of the TONE of the thread was hostile, all that self righteous stuff about babysitting. It is not the loaded term in RL that it tends to be on mumsnet.

I thought ffs but actually didn't bother to post. It was clear that the OP wasn't going, just asking for opinions.