I just dont get whats hard to understand here . Op has already said he gropes her constantly , grabs her breasts ect ,manipulates her into sex , shes already told him many times that she doesnt like it.
If someone said a man had grabbed their breasts in the street they would receive nothing but support and people would be outraged . So you can be outraged when a stranger does it , but not when its your husband , because hes got rights .
I dont get why people are trying to compare this with sleepily carressing a partener . Is it because it interferes with our definition of a rapist ?
Were more comfortable with the idea of a strange man whos violent to us than the fact were talking about our husbands , fathers and brothers. And the idea , that other women are protected from my husbands sexual assaults , but i am not ,and vice versa , is utterly ridiculous.
Lotswife , it sounds like things have been escalating for a while , starting with him hassling you for sex that you clearly didnt want . Please do be wary of it escalating further . Despite all this talk of sex and libido , i really dont think its about sex at all.
If it was , sureley he would do the things you like in order to have sex more often . Instead he repeatedly does the things you dont like , pretending not to understand . Many men will do this as a form of control , it leaves you feeling humiliated and degraded , as is there intention.
Theres an excellant book called Living With The Dominater . It has a full chapter on " The Sexual Controller , the man who mauls you , trys to initiate sex in ridiculous circumstances ( like when your washing up and the dcs are in the next room ), the man who guilts you into having sex you dont want and who will also have sex with you while your asleep or ill . He doesnt do these things to get himself off , he does it to humiliate you and degrade you.
I dont think its anything to do with sex at all , he is persistantly trying to degrade you by reducing you to a "thing " , and hes going out of his way to make sure you know this.
Its only a few quid on amazon , if you have any trouble getting hold of it pm me and ill happily post it to you. I bought it due to similar reasons to yourself , please do be very aware of this escalating .
And do consider phoning womens aid , they can put you in touch with trained counsellers in your area for free . Failing that , pick a counseller carefully , many of them have their own ideas like some here . The one i saw , after me sobbing and explaining what had been going on simply said " Yes , some men are like that. So tell me , why do you think you dont want to have sex with him ?"
I said " Because he rapes me ".